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Okay where do I start? Another day right? So this day nor month maybe week has been um. . . not the best for me. You know my pc that keep shutting down and blue screen of death appears. It's dead %100 pure dead and my work or to me. . life work gone to hell lucky for me I have backup but um. . . my current project isn't here. So I'm upset I want too cry so bad cause I work so hard on it too. Now I don't know what to do beside re-upload everything and try to deal with life as it is. I even ******** up my firefox I should had gone for custom it seem nothing going my way. Even dear friend of my died few weeks ago and I just got the news. He drown and all I can do is regret what I said to him.

Oh, I notices few people telling me if I'm an official vocaloid? I kind of don't want to be with all that hard work I mean I know what I'm doing and everything but I feel like I'm doing it wrong. I feel like everything is going down hill from here too. I do feel like I want to cry really not joking and I do wonder what should I do from here?
Have you seen the show "Gregory horror show" It's an anime but it's pretty good I do feel what going on and it's true I mean if you seen it you'll understand.
I'm turning 21 in April if you don't know that yet? It's nothing special even friend of mine gonna take me out to eat. He promise me cake so this might be fun.
I have to do an all nigher tonight. Have to draw a picture but I might show it too you guys. . . If she minds I mean. I'm starting to feel like the world around me is starting to crash around me I am getting scarred but I feel like I'm already living a nightmare I can't wake up from. I feel like it's hard to explain but I guess if you're someone like me it easy to understand. Thinking about it one of you guys do understand but I hope you really do understand. Thinking about it. . .
If I do end up as official vocaloid would I be liked? I think about it but I don't think I would be people might say I'm a Miku look alike and I'm un-original. I don't understand why I try so hard on it.
I guess it's because I have nothing too do and I want people to listen and see what I been doing since July of last year. I know some of you guys would say "Ah, weeaboo music greaaaat." It's more then that I mean I'm trying English songs and it turns out crap but I know some people liked it even it is crap. . . why am I talking about this again?

I notices people are asking me this question but can you tell me this makes you feel... I don't know... awkward? Well here the million dollar question.

"When well you have a kid?"

I just around this question as it's non of anyone business but my own. I don't understand why would someone say such thing I mean yeah it's my life but I don't want to get it that fast I mean think about it like this. You're young right? You get pregnant or got someone pregnant right. . .? Okay now think about it and ask yourself this. Now what? It's pretty much death right there and you know for a fact you are not ready for this. Yes, I understand young kids are getting pregnant at 16 blah blah but do you see the s**t the pull up with???
You know people don't think with they're actions anymore reason why I think people are mindless on what this world is becoming of as nothing but mindless slaves just re-playing the same order that really does make me think of why this is happening. I understand that you might want one but the question always ask me but I'm not ready for such a thing. I mean it's not throwing your life away but more of making one. Thing I don't understand is how are you going to take care of the kid. Some of the people that ask me this question still lives with they're moms so I guess I know who taking care of the kid. I'm sorry if I offended someone who reading this. I do understand when something like this happens you do need help and someone to help you up and back to your life. I think that's what my roommate did but I still feel lost.

Have you heard the song "hurt" from Johnny Cash? For some reason I feel that way. It upset me really but I try not to think about it too much more like I try not to think how am I gonna die? I know the beginning and the end but what would my end be like? I'm getting cold chills thinking about it but I do wonder what are you thinking about when you read this?
Well I hope you enjoy this and I hope things turn out well for me at my end. Thank you for reading and hope this isn't my last blog.
~Ayame