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I personally don't know how to start this without mindlessly typing on the record of what happen in the last month. Not a lot of people would give the care nor time to read this anyway so I might as well mindlessly type nonsense and not making sense.

Last year I got back on my addiction of RPGMMO's which is a bad feeling even I know I shouldn't since it's one of those pointless times that I'll just be on here all the time. Well not really but it kind of would like those players who play world of warcraft. I personally don't care much about it. Even during the time we did a secret santa two months later during that event.
I personally never did this without just throwing something like an shirt that might or might not fit even the limit was 20$ but I kind of spend 40$ on the person which is fine with me since they were books kind of a full collection kind of books. If you're asking what book its "Girl Friends" some yuri manga. Next was new years but I felt kind of dead and confused even at the time I just wonder what I'll do without hating myself. I hardly think it matter much even later on during spring who the whole exchanging letters I kind of fell in deep depression but still living my life as normal. Not that it matters or so I want to believe.
During the summer I feel more scared the normal because of mother and the fear that I'll lose her. Scared me more when she wanted to give up on life but for some reason a fade flashback bring me back to that rehab center place where this women ((not sure if i talk about it in here)) kind of bother me thinking about it when I gave her pencils just because she wanted to end her own life but was happy that I care about her. Stupid of me to think about it even it just upset me thinking about it now. So~ it bring us now as in fall. Again I'm just mindlessly typing and just thinking about the year. Even that I lost a case on a lawsuit but at least I'm somewhat getting better at drawing. I wish I knew how to draw better without looking like a fool while doing it. Lately I'm just playing the same song but I feel like no matter what I do with my life it won't change a thing about me. So that's what I believe but it might not be true nothing is ever true since its just me lost in my own thoughts.
I just feel more depressed but I'll move on even that I know its cold to be here. I don't know it matter even I stop using utau since I'll never be popular nor known for anything beside here. Enough of that right ? Hopefully at the end of this rainbow something might change even this pass year it really is a mix bag of emotions.
~Ayame

edit:

I was looking at my older post and I just notices how much I change over the years. So I guess that counts for something right ?