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It always seem like that when I'm in deep thought. Sometimes I don't really care much about myself let alone hear somebody talk about me like if they knew me. Still it always rain as if I were crying upon this curl yet hateful world that you would call home. Don't mind me I would say since I don't feel like I belong here yet sometimes I hear everyone talking at once in this rain of mine. How bothersome it does becomes since I wonder what would happen if we haven't met ? I hardly doubt you would understand whats in my mind since I'm an alien to you. Isn't it true ? I'm sorry but in the end I'm just talking too myself in this log that you'll end up reading out of boredom. I bet you'll be complaining about my grammar and how I do not make sense. It's a shame really lately I feel upset but I do try too hard to crack a smile when all I would think about is being normal.
I saw few movies and score free popcorn when watching a movie. I kind of had this thought about a what if question like if I disappear in this world but you knew my appearance but the world itself doesn't. It's upsetting that I hardly think anyone would care if I existed since I don't really play major impact on people lives since I'm just some person you'll met and ignore really. It's funny thinking yet sad knowing it.
I kind of feel sick in my stomach all of sudden but it does feel like rain but suddenly I just want to scream my lungs out and tear down everything I done these last few years.
I'm sorry I'm typing so much and you seem mad at me for thinking such stupid things right ? I could be wrong but it's not my fault you're reading it.

Sadly I wish it snow since I miss it too much. I was thinking so much lately I feel like I'm just gonna burst. I still want to scream my lungs out but everytime I do silences scream is all everyone would hear. I'm sorry but I might as well be sad since nothing matter all of sudden. I do like rain but I can't get that person who was gonna take advantage of me out of my head nor the many time people did took advantage of me or try too.
I do hate thinking about my past since it's a public journal and you're reading it but I just kind of wanted to vent since some people I want to talk too about it always ignores me or silently judge me. Not like you would understand nor care.
I kind of want to know if you feel like it's raining in your head ? I bet the expression about it is odd since we might see it different but I hate it when it happens if you know what I mean.
Now as I'm thinking about it my mindlessly typing is kicking in as I just feel like puking all I ate. I should just shut up since you don't like reading long lines and getting angry at me for mindlessly typing nonsense.
~ayame