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Last few days were the worst for me. I mean theory is good and it does works on some of my injury I gone that somewhat does bother me but I think I should get out of it. I do like the electric shock theory its like a drug to me... for some odd reason. I stop working on "Chris won the talk show" its becoming more like another nightmare even I got the idea in a dream.. well... it everything in my dream and its starting to scare me. Oh! Guess what!! Somebody took some of the tracks I made and started to listen to them on their ipod. I feel like I did good but I dont think its good I mean I dont original wrote those lyric or anything its just a cover...
some of you think write one but I dont have the stuff I need and I think youll be like buy them and really... How?!!? then program you know its just confusing and crazy in my option even its just one person...
song covers are annoying by the way. I know believe i screw so much and the problem for everybody stuff but thats me i'll give you that detail later

My uncle died few days ago. I with to his funeral its was sad even my family member were there but I just saw his corpse but I had nothing to say at all. I with outside as news report were talking to few people it looks like she wanted to interview me but I wasnt with the group cause there another group with a kid guessing he got shot or something. I just with inside but I dont think I want to be on the news even i dont know the person and i might just say "It just upsetting that someone took his life" if I did get into that awkward interview on a local news reporter but i believe it would be funny in away... dont see how it i think people that would see it would tell me "why are you in tv?" in really i dont know how i got into it good thing i didnt get interview because they were doing outside
but back to my uncle death...

my uncle I well not name on here had three heart attacks two on new years and one mass heart attack few weeks ago. He survive them all but had open heart surgery that killed him. He not fat but he was a heavy drinker mostly if you think about it you'll see what happen here. if you dont understand then let me place it... in my understanding with my brother told me as the alcohol had carbs that clump up his artery on his heart that gave him a heart attacks.
unbelieved but its the truth...

I did shake people hand saying "Sorry for your lose" but in the end Im the one sorry because when I think about it I have no memory of him.. just light nor fade memory of him. i was talking to my cousin for awhile then we with to the cafe i made myself some coffee he look at me saying "you drink coffee?" i was laughing looking at him reply "Yes you didnt know that... looks like there alot you dont know huh"
its funny in away but as youre reading how my life is just a Spiro of confusion and its like no one knows how i really work even i myself dont know me anymore. my brother ask me for lunch with his girlfriend and a friend the whole time it was just an arrangement and i ask to go back because i dont feel safe.
i dont know why but stuff like this really does scared me cause i feel i cause them... not the first time like i say something and it does come true for some reason buts its annoying when that happens

i find myself in a pickle because of it even when im trying to be honest but when i do some people takes it bad but im scared if i get into a fist fight not that i might get my a** kick but scared if i might hurt them nor if they dont want to talk to me because of what i did
i feel like everyone hates me yet loves me in the end but i know its something i need to learn nor deal with people... story of my life i keep on saying but not too glad if youre still reading this
i hope nothing bad happens after this but i might get something to eat..

~Ayame

ps

there was a star of David in there i find it funny cause it a Jew place but my cousin didnt understand what i ment but what i remember its the Jew that killed Jesus Im very sorry if I offended anyone with this part of the journal but I find it odd to see that and see a picture of Jesus on the wall. On my understanding he forgiving but I dont think two religion show be in the same house even it is a funeral home