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Fuuuuck. I have no idea what's going on anymore. First of all, tonight in the Fest was... interesting. Something completely over my head happened with Chai and Souji and Arien and... I just felt it best to sit out, let it pass. Not my place. I've learned to keep my nose out of places where I don't belong. God knows this whole thing with Dairoshi has taught me THAT.

Speaking of Dairoshi... Hasami came back to town today. Of all people, she's the last person I expected. I mean, she kind of dissapeared, without a word. I worried... then I was hurt... then angry... then I just got used to it. I tend to latch on to people. She did say she hadn't meant to come here and meet people. But now she's back. And... she and Dairoshi have a bigger connection than I thought. I told her about our fall-out. Well, somewhat. I left out the whole part where Dairoshi threatened to kill me and the part where he and Fairfax found it necessary to beat me in the parkinglot. He did say, though, that he was looking for her... to kill her. I'm worried. This is over my head, and I HATE that. I hate being called naive, but I know I am. She keeps saying she can help him. I hope so... but honestly, I don't know how I can bring myself to look him in the face after what he said to me, after what he DID to me. Does that make me so horrible? I know he didn't mean it, I know he's sick, and dangerous, and not himself, but somehow... somehow I can't believe he'd do that.

Hasami confuses me. I know there's so much more to this than she's not telling me. Who IS she? She knew Dairoshi, she said, when he was like this before, and mentioned herself being the same. I'm caught in the middle of something so far beyond me it's frgihtening. And I care about these people, both of them. And Hasami kept asking about Rupert... and I realised she doesn't know about him and Mitchell. And I don't need another person worrying about me. I wish this whole Dairoshi thing would blow over... even if we never speak again, I just want him to be back to normal. She keeps looking at me, knowing I don't understand any of this, and I feel even more like a child than ever.

*sigh* This journal is a bad idea, I'm going to send the world running away from me thinking all I do is sit around in corners and mope. I htink I need sleep. I've been putting off goign int the bedroom because I don't know if it's Mitchell or Rupert waiting for me. I never know anymore...