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So I realise I've been... not updating lately. A lot. Which is bad, because this journal has, as much as I've complained about having to do it, the one place I can really let go. I've missed writing in it, especially since I've had no-one to talk to lately. I've been skipping more classes than I should for someone who's academic standing is so shaky already, to deal with Mitchell. Sometimes when things just get too... hard, I'll run off to the Fest, where I can pretend nothing is wrong. It's helpful though. Chai and I have become close of late, and it's good to have a new friend. He's been teaching me about this... religion (more like philosophy, maybe) of his, and some new languages. We've been planning a get together or two... one where he'll show me some traditional dances and stuff, and another where it will just be us, some alcohol, and some movies. I haven't had an outing of any kind, especially with a friend, in weeks. Maybe a month. I've been keeping to myself, close to home, with Mitchell. I think I need this almost as much as Chai does.

Mac is back in town after a long absence. It's weird... he dissapeared for so long, I thought he'd never come back. True, I had his cell number, but nobody knew where he was, and I didn't want to bother him. I forgot that he knows Mitchell... he could help. He's offered to before, but... well, as I've said before, Mitchell is my business, my burden. I'm almost afraid to tell Mac how far things have esclated. Ashamed. But besides that... Dairoshi came into the fest when Mac was there... and I saw the old Dai for a second. I think... I think that I could help him maybe. Not easily forgive him yet... that will take awhile, but... we had a brief, fairly civil conversation. I asked him if he wanted to talk. Maybe there's still time for him. I need to look into this, maybe give Hasami a call. She'll know what to do.

Andreas is still out there somewhere. Looking for me and Rupert. That's terrifying, but with Mitchell here all the time, it's hard to concentrate on so many things. I've been throwing myself into work and the fest, and that's about all I can do. Opening night for Importance of Being Earnest is coming up. And on Halloween, Rupert came to himself for a little while... and we made the most of it. In the best sense, if you know what I mean. *winknudgewink* So the long days that all blend together of school, fights, cooking for Mitchell, escaping to the fest are punctuated by a few moments of real, true happiness.

I have a LOT of work to catch up on, as I promised the dean I'd do my best in uni from now on whatever my personal situations, so it's off to study now. And go through my script again. I'm horridly nervous, it will be the first time people I know and care about have ever come to see me in something, and I want to be perfect... better than perfect. Oh, and I need to pick up some more groceries for Mitchell...