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You know, sometimes, despite it all, it's enough to know that someone really, truly does care and worry about you?

I finally got up the nerve to tell Rupert that Andreas was back. I could have handled it so much better, but I was afraid. So very afraid. But I told him... and I finally got to see the depth of trouble we're in right now. It took a good 5 minutes to convince Rupert that what I'd seen was real, he was in such denial. Andreas was DEAD, has been dead to him for years. He had an accident, skiing or something. Rupert mentally could not accept the fact that Andreas was alive. But somewhere inside, he must have known. Mitchell has always known. All those times he told me Andreas was coming back, that I didn't deserve Rupert... looks like he had been right all along. Once Rupert knew I wasn't lying, the change was... sudden. He and I both knew we had to face the truth here. No more running, no more hiding.

And yet, as always, Rupert was the strong one when I needed to be. Everything that Mitchell told me, everything Andreas said, everything I'd told myself, he brushed away. It may seem silly now that I thought, knowing what a horrible b*****d Andreas was, that Rupert would leave me for him in a second, but at the time, I was just too scared to think I had a chance. But despite the circumstances, as otherworldy as they seem, I am never going to be the Other Guy, Rupert assured me. He... really does love me. He's told me a million times before, but none of them meant something like tonight. Andreas is a terrible peson, and he says he was blind when he married him. Surely someone considered legally dead no longer has claims on marriage ties that were supposedly "broken" in the event of his "death." I may not be strong, or important, but I know one thing. Rupert has protected me since day one. I will NOT let Andreas take him away from me, I will NOT let him hurt him. I once said that if it made Rupert happy, I'd give him up no matter how much it hurt me, but it only shows how much I've grown. I will not let Rupert go into the hands of that man without a fight. Andreas is after me as muc has he's after Rupert, but I will not step down this time. I love Rupert more than anyone should be able to love someone else. Cheesy, but true. I love him, and I'll be DAMNED if this tears us apart after all we've been through.

The problem is now comes the work... Rupert thinks that the answers we need can only be gotten from Mitchell. Which means I have to talk to him, somehow get information out of the person whom I fear the most in the world. Mitchell has hurt me so much in the past... but I have no choice. I promised Rupert that I'd do this, because I will, no matter what the costs. I've told him it will be alright... I don't know if it will, but I will find out what happened those years ago. This is.. what I think Dr. Clayton has been trying to get us to do for a long time now... just not so quickly, and so dangerously. But time is short. Mitchell is just... another side of Rupert. And because I love him, we will do this together. Somehow.


On a lower note of imortance, Dairoshi and FairFax were in the fest tonight. I think Dairoshi was ON something. Drugs... or... god knows what. We fought, coldly, his words stung, I ignored them. Later, Hasami caught me coming out, and we had a brief talk. I have such a friend in her, it's strange, because neither of us really know how this friendship could even logically exist between the two of us. I'm worried about her safety, she's worried about my sanity. She said I was strong... that took me by surprise. I was fragile once... but I can't afford to be any more. But, I'm still only human. I'll only hold together for so long, and if only she knew how truly weak I was. But what I woudl do without her... I don't know. Love the girl to death, keep her safe.

...whatever comes to pass, at least I know I've been loved like no other, and that I've loved in return.