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Hi....back again.
I ended up feeling incredibly insecure again...
It's funny cuz not one day ago, I was so happy just being with her..
But when I look at her posts, it's always her ex everywhere I look...
I might be over-exaggerating it but I just don't feel secure...like, it could be one of those instances where he could be trying to get back with her by saying he'll come here and everything...and I have a pretty good feeling she would too.
She told me herself, actually. She said that the only reason that she chose me, was because I'm here. So, yeah...maybe I'm here, and he's over there. But what if he came here? Exactly. If that's the fact then I don't want to be here. I want to be somewhere else. I wanna know if you'd love me more because of my personality, not because I'm "here".
Honestly...I don't even know what to do anymore. I even just completely ignored her last night because I could take looking at my computer screen anymore.
I mean, sure maybe they're just having a friendly chat. But I'd have no idea. I hate to accuse her of cheating....but she even told me she's got a flirtatious personality. If that's the case, what's there to stop him from trying to get her back? Me? HAH
If only there were people out there like that.
I'm just...afraid to lose her. I really don't want to lose her. Although, I can't blame her if it's her decision. She has a right to choose. All I can do is hope that she picks me in the end.
Anyways, I know it's stupid that I have to whine through a public diary but honestly, so far all it's done is help me relieve stress.
The reason why it's public? Maybe at some point, somebody will sympathize with me and help me get back on my feet.
I usually hope that she would, but she never notices how bad I stress out and how torn I am about things like this. So I can only look to others.
Anyways, I'm sure this guy is a nice guy and everything, but honestly, if I ever saw him and her together, I'd either feel like breaking up with her on the spot or punching him in the gut.
Both for the reason that, she couldn't have told me sooner that she still had feelings for him and just stuck with me because I'm "here".
I love you, Marielle. But please don't be like me. At least not when it comes to our relationship and deciding if you might love another person. If you have to even think about that, then what we have probably isn't love. Please don't be indecisive.