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Ok, so this entry will mostly be my venting. Well, not quite. I mean, I'm not mad, just really distraught and upset, and I need to write it out somewhere, or I'll implode, which would be messy. So, if you're having a good day, I suggest not reading my emo entry.
Alright, so, my sister has this friend that she's had since she was 4; Heidi. Heidi is 2 years older than Heather. I've, therefore, known Heidi literally all my life. She held me as a baby, and played with me as a toddler and child. She's basically my second older sister. I love her a lot. Well, when she was 18, she had a son, Brandon. I was at the hospital later on the night he was born, and I held him as a mere infant at that same time. He was so precious, with his large blue eyes and dark hair. I loved him like he really was my nephew, even though he really wasn't. As time went on, his eyes darkened, and his dark hair came in with a vengance. His was beautiful, so innocent, and just so cute. Heidi would bring him by every now and then, and I would play with him, like an aunt would a nephew. She even told him I was "auntie." It made me feel special, y'know? Well, a few years later (like, almost 2) Emily, her second baby was born. She was adorable and beautiful just like her brother. Even though they had different fathers. I didn't go there the night she was born, but I saw her when she was a few weeks old, and I loved her like my neice. Although, I've only seen her twice. About 6 months ago, her third baby, Sondra was born. I haven't met her yet. So, right now, Heidi's 22. Well, about 3-4 months ago, little Brandon, the one I loved so much, was diagnosed with leukemia. That, in itself was heartbreaking to me, so I can't imagine what it was like for Heidi. That's not even the worst part. On Friday, my sister called, and told us Brandon had gotten Pneumonia on top of his cancer, and that, 2-3 weeks ago, he had gone into a coma. On Thursday night, he took a "turn for the worse" and now they believe he'll die. He has something like a 5% chance of coming out of the coma. I went in my room, and I cried. I cried for him, and for Heidi, for Emily and for Sondra. I didn't cry for myself, because it didn't impact me that much. I mean, I loved him, and he was pretty much my nephew, I consider him that, but it didn't directly affect me. I keep thinking about it, and it's going to be hell in school this week. I won't be able to stop thinking about it, no matter how hard I try. I dream about it, and I can't have a happy occasion without remembering the pain Heidi must be in. I can't imagine how she goes home to her two daughters each day, knowing her son, her first baby, was in that condition at the hospital. She's only 22, too. I realize she didn't make the best decisions in life, but she didn't deserve this. When she was younger, she ran away, and sure, she had children young in life, but she doesn't deserve this. NO ONE deserves this. I wouldn't even wish this on my worst enemy. I just want him to be O.K. I don't believe in God whatsoever, and I find myself asking him to spare this little boy. Spare this boy who doesn't deserve this. Cancer has had a strong influence in my life as of late (my grandmother died of it, my other one had breast cancer, and now Brandon) and I don't want to lose anyone else to it. I know how much cancer hurts the ones that don't have it, and I have so much more understanding for those whose family has it. I just want Brandon to be O.K. Is that so much to ask? He's a sweet little boy, and he's only 4. He hasn't been able to go to kindergarten, or make friends, or anything. If there is a God, he'll save him, if there is, Brandon will be O.K. I know he will. But I know there isn't a God, because he didn't spare my grandmother, so he doesn't exist. That's when I stopped believing, when I heard my grandmother had passed. If this sweet, innocent little boy, who has gone through all this pain, dies, I will never believe again. I don't see why he deserves this, and I don't see why Heidi deserves this, or her two daughters. It's just... not fair. Neither life nor death is fair.
 Sirius Star Child · Mon Apr 02, 2007 @ 01:35am · 0 Comments |
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