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Yes, here it comes: Another morbid entry! Oh, boy! Yeah, I know no one reads this anymore, but it's a good place to vent.
So yeah, my grandfather, for the past few weeks, has been complaining about not being able to eat anything, just vomiting everything up. So he went to the hospital, and they decided it was completely necessary to have a scope performed, because they were thinking that it was something obstucting his esophagus. They found a tumor in the lower part of his esophagus, and they're doing a biopsy. They think that it's cancer; esophageal cancer. This is the third time in 3 years that someone close to me is being affected by cancer. 2 years ago this month, my grandmother on my father's side died of non-hodgkin's lymphoma (or something to that effect.) My "nephew" had leukemia right now, and now my grandfather. I'm only 15, and already I'm dealing with all of this. I know it's not that bad compared to some people's lives, but it's still hard. I don't want to sit around and watch everyone I care about being picked off by flies. I don't want to watch everyone I love die! Last night, I didn't want to go to sleep, because, having just found out about this, I didn't want to have any nightmares. (Yes, I am prone to those.) So, I spent a few hours researching this cancer that my grandfather might have. I found out that this kind of cancer had a 90% mortality rate. NINETY PERCENT!!! That's a LOT! I don't think I've ever been more afraid of anything in my life. I couldn't sleep last night, and I've been thinking about it all day today. I don't think I'll ever be able to handle this like I should be able to. I can't imagine how my mother feels; he's her father. He's not even old yet; he's only like, 63 or something. I know that that's kind of old, but not really. I don't want to lose him. He just retired, and we got him a new dog, and he's just starting to enjoy life to its fullest right now. I don't want this to happen. It sounds like I'm being selfish, and, to a degree, I am. I can't deal with another funeral, and I don't want to watch him die from cancer. I'd prefer to die myself. At this rate, everyone I know is going to end up contracting cancer. Stupid cancer. I hate it so much. I don't want him to die. I don't!!!
 Sirius Star Child · Thu Jul 19, 2007 @ 07:40pm · 0 Comments |
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