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I need to find some better green nail polish. I found the only green in the store, and it's too yellow. I have a friend dig through her crap to find me the perfect green, and it isn't light enough! I'm serious, too. I couldn't have asked for a better green. But yet, here I am, asking for a better green!
I am just full of contradictions!
My New Year's Resolution is to break it!
Paradox!
Oh no!
Ack! I just ruined the delicate design on my nails. I should remember: Do not grab things with the flat side of my nails! > _> Or, at least, don't wave your hand around and hit the back of your hand against a wall.
I don't want it to be 2007. I want it to be 2006. I feel like I'm wasting my life, and I'm getting tired of watching days end and new ones begin. I want it to be the same day for much longer than it should be.... I've been staying up very late again. I wake up early, and then stay up way too late, just so my day will be longer. I hope this feeling that there isn't enough time left will pass soon. But at the same time, I hope it doesn't! Because it would require time for it to go away! And I don't feel like I have much time left!
Not that I feel like I'm going to die, or anything. It just feels like the last thirty seconds on a timer after five hours. There's not enough time to start anything and be able to finish it, but there's enough time that you feel every second of it, and can't help but wonder what more you could be doing. You just stand around, going "Now what? Now what?"
And to think, for over a year now, I've been focusing on the idea that time does not exist. That it is just an idea, a relative idea at that, where if the instruments used to measure it were removed it would practically disappear. So I've never felt like I'm running out of time, or that I have too much time. I've just been living with the idea that there is no such thing as future, there never will be, and the past is always gone. All there is is the now, and now will last for forever. D:
And thinking such things has wreaked havoc on my grades. xD Because I don't do assignments unless they are due now. If they are overdue then they don't matter because they are apart of the past. Assignments due in a month will never be due today. I can't grasp how relatively long or how relatively short a time is in which something is due, and I usually don't get it done in time.
... But now, it feels like everything is due now. If it isn't done, it won't be.
I need to go take a shower, but first I want to watch that new episode on TV, because I might never see it again! But I can't--That will take too long, and I need to clean my room! But if I clean my room I won't have time for a shower!
 Leamony · Tue Jan 02, 2007 @ 03:59am · 1 Comments |
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