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I've been trying to watch Elevation church on YouTube here and there, when I get a chance. I just watched one called Why Am I Anxious? So good but I realized something. The more I watch sermons, the more I realize how angry I am. I knew I was irritated and confused with God for Ash's death but dang man. Deep down inside, I am so angry! I'm so angry, I'm numb. That, "there's nothing you can say or do to make me feel better for what you've done" feeling. That, "I love you but I don't have to like you right now" feeling. That betrayed "how could you?" feeling.
I don't understand, Idk if I ever will. She had so much life ahead of her, so much potential, and just like that.... Gone. I don't understand any of the deaths, but someone so young... It seems so senseless. It just hit me so hard.