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It felt like I was falling and falling for what must have been weeks. For a moment I contemplated wether or not that angel had infact agreed on my banishment to Hell and as torment I would fall and strike hard ground so very soon. But it was no where in sight.

Do you know how it feels to fall into infinity? Or perhaps what it feels like to drop into absolutely nothing? I'm left with little more than this book and my pen to help me keep myself from drifting into becoming the very nothing that surrounds me.

I was given heaven, but all I could think of was the people I placed in hell. Am I refused now by both? As lost as I am I feel finally found. In this place, in this void I am without concern, without heart...without soul. I am without reason for any of the above because I am simply without....

I've lived a life caring for life. The lives of others, the lives of those around me. The lives of those that could see me as anything other than the monster I am. But such lives are fleeting. And in my effort to save them, I lost them...I lost myself...I gained nothing. And as I embrace this nothing, I find its presence to be most welcome.

I feel a void in the farthest corner of my soul. It is a blackness that comes from my realization that in this nothing I have found one thing...cold. And I have made it my own. I have reached out to Heaven, and been shunned, I have reached out to Heaven again, and been found unworthy. I find my place in the cold void with which I have been coupled. Who am I?

Why care when there is nothing to care for...why smile when none but yourself will share your happiness? Why speak when no ears care to listen? Why hope, when your hope floats into the same nothingness in which you are forced to exist? Why write, when no eyes shall read and understand your words?

I find no reason to exist. And yet I find no reason no too. I will live without reason. I will exist without purpose, lest someone give me pur--

A voice broke the nothing, I must listen to its whisper. A voice tells me I have come to the truth in all existance. The voice tells me, it has purpose for my existance...it tells me it knows the location of my soul, my heart. I feel so cold, and in my nothingness I follow.