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I have been dead for years, and yet never have I felt more dead than I do today. The thought of returning to the living stings my soul, and my flesh my poisonous venom, ripping away at whatever body I have, and whatever remains of the dashed and shattered pieces of my soul.

Friends, family, illusions of the mind. Made to make you happy, made to make you hurt. My emotions, I shoved them aside years ago, and they fought and killed to rip their way back to the surface and yet now, I regret ever freeing them.

I have no place anymore. Emotions torn and tattered, existance broken and displaced. I live with no love, I live with no reason to pick up my blade, lest pick up my eyelids to awake in the morning. Heaven is my Hell, my existance is my torture, and I wish it would end, forever.

I sit here in this room, fingers twitching, tears drenching the sides of my face as I rot from the inside to the out...

Joy is nothing more than the illusion created by the grand beasts, love and hate. One feeding the other and fueling the first in a bloody dance that drags my heart through a series of knives and bloody edges. I hate...I hate everything I have become, everything in my viens.

I lived life with dreams, and in a single weeks time I have watched them all fall to peices, broken pieces of glass which I have to step on, layed before my as the grand punishment for daring to do something no mortal should...I dreamed.

No one will ever know the pain that haunts my soul, no one will ever know the reason why I must do what I do. I hide in the shadows so well no one will even know to look for me if I vanish.

My honorbound brother, Tomorrow, becoming a pride infested child in comparison to the towering giant of power and respect that I once clashed blades with. For me it was never about winning or losing, but for him it always was...I tried to teach him better but...he's forgotten so fast. I'm sure he's forgotten me as well.

Kyonuske, I saw him. His powers far surprassing anything I'd ever experienced. He looked down at young Reinhart like he was refuse, and infinitesmal spec in existance...And it was true that he was, but Kyo is no different, niether am I.

I am nothing. And I wish only that I could return to nothing. My past crimes lash at my back like razorwind whips, they make into the monster I am. The monster that doesnt not deserve, love, or family, or happiness. They make me into a beast of a man. A raving lunatic of a shell of what I should be but never was. I feel a pull from the cavernous pit in my chest, pulling me to love, pulling me to care, but as I reach my hand out the objects of my concern are snatched from me. I lift people from their own falls, giving them all the answers they need to pick up their dusty feet and continue down the road of life. Such is a thankless work, those I save are so caught up in their joy that they forget the one that saved them.

I dont ask for much, just a part of their life. A moment of acknowledgement to let me know that I am just a fraction closer to making up for what I have done, and what I have done is monsterous indeed.

I wish I only I could have died as I deserved. Hell would be a welcome relief to the cold unending Guilt of Heaven.

I find my feet driven by my last vestiges of hope, and pain. My emotions matter nothing to me anymore, I have turned upon myself. I drag myself to the gates of Hell and beg the center angel to let me in...he refuses.

His spear pushes me back from what I most need. Is it so wrong to want something I deserve from another....it must be. How can someone so simple, unknown, mean so much?

I cry. And I beg, God remove these worthless emotions. And I get no answer. I know as I stand at his doorstep he can hear me, but he refuses.

I give up. And I know where I must go. My soul is worthless to me, my life is naught. But its empty shell can serve others yet still. I will not return to this room, I will not return to this life. I will never be the same. I will never. Let my vacant soul help those in need. Let me not be within it. I care not what they do to me...

With my sword in hand, I beg for death. With the snap of my Nameless hilt...I beg for an audience...and in deft motion...he answers.

To all that find this book, know that in my final moments, I cursed myself, and only myself...