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the word LONER

well its not so much that i am a loner, i feel more like empty than loner. i had a dream about a tree in the middle of a grass field that fruits peaches. in this dream i always see myself sitting on the top of that tree and eating peaches and having a laugh with no one at all. i feel like a loner during this dream because im not the one sitting on that tree, i watch myself sit on that tree and i have no control over anything. i just start smiling and for some reason it felt so familiar.

then it bounces back to a scene where my old home was and i would have this nightmarish kind of dream where i was in middle school. i hated middle school and it kind of let drift and watch what had happened before. as i drift a lot more into the dream, i feel sick because i get sent back to homecoming dance 2008. i just watched scenes from that moment and ironically i got angry, at myself. my dream starts to turn into random scenes from books i imagined myself. it felt weird to look at all these things.

and now, its morning and i woke up and told you about my dream..going for a run.

i still really feel angry at myself
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i weighed myself and i now weigh 201.6 lbs and it feels great. i have to brag that i see abs developing right now and its pretty surprising to me. this is the most toned i have ever been. this is going to the graduation slideshow.

well im off to the library..bye bye