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I've changed. Some days I don't notice it, instead I notice the changes in your expressions, calculating them, adding them to my memory and learning what emotions filter though that expression. That is how I can tell you are lying, that is how I can tell what kind of person you are and whether or not you'll be a good friend. The thing is, I'm so busy trying to keep up with your twitching, blinking, fidgeting, and whatever else you do when you lie to realize that I've been lying to myself. I've changed that is the truth. My problem is that I don't acknowledge that truth. I act as though I'm some shy and quiet straight A student with no worries except for college. I act as though gossip is the most interesting on earth, and with some friends I act as though I care about their guy problems. That's not me though. Me? The real me? I want to die. Sometimes I'm forcing myself just to do something so I don't feel that void inside me telling me that I have no one. Nothing. Most people say that if they died no one would care. For me that's very true. There are times I wonder if my friends really care about me at all or if they think I'm just a nuisance. More about the real me? Well, let's see. I'm constantly on edge. Paranoid. Music is my out. Sleep is restless. School is useless. I know too much already. More to the point? I don't want to live this destiny. It goes on endlessly.