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(The Deepest of Sighs...)

If anyone read all the stuff I put in here, you'd realize it's the poetry of my life, the ebb and flow of existence like the crash of ocean waves on the shore. I don't like to be repetitive, but I have to break it down for you again. I love Suzie. I had to back away from her. Here's how it works.

I love her. I want her to open her heart to me. She can't. She fears too many things: being picked apart, being a burden, losing love or respect. So step 1 is I get no reciprocity.

I love her. If she "gives in" and tells me about problems on her heart, I offer advice and my opinion as an attempt to help and communicate with her. This makes her defensive and feel like I'm attacking her or telling her what to do. I'm not.

Suz/Tess... says:
sometimes...i can't hold it in any longer
Suz/Tess... says:
i'm sorry
Drago Darke says:
well don't bother to hold it
Drago Darke says:
not for my sake
Drago Darke says:
let it out please
Suz/Tess... says:
you have your own pain...and troubles
Suz/Tess... says:
you don't need any crap from me
Drago Darke says:
lol yeah don't I make them everybody's pain too?
Drago Darke says:
I leak it all out on my journal
Drago Darke says:
and if people ever ask me what's wrong I tell them to read it
Suz/Tess... says:
i'm...not like that
Drago Darke says:
well look...I find it funny that you sometimes think I'm the "stronger" one in the relationship yet you still try to protect me
Drago Darke says:
an open heart is all I could ever ask for
Drago Darke says:
all I wanted from you
Drago Darke says:
and I mentioned that a lot
Drago Darke says:
so if you hold it in...just admit sometimes you do it for your own reasons
Drago Darke says:
because you "don't want to cause trouble"
Suz/Tess... says:
*blinks*
Suz/Tess... says:
my own reasons?
Suz/Tess... says:
the hell?
Drago Darke says:
yeah...you want to hold it in for both our sakes
Suz/Tess... says:
i hold it in for everyones
Drago Darke says:
yeah
Drago Darke says:
I'm asking you to eliminate everyone else's sake
Drago Darke says:
especially when everyone else asks
Suz/Tess... says:
why?
Suz/Tess... says:
what good would that be to anyone?
Drago Darke says:
cause wanting to know your pain as well as your pleasure is about of caring about you
Drago Darke says:
*a part of
Suz/Tess... says:
people don't need to know my pain when it's this personal
***
Drago Darke says:
I don't recall telling you I don't need to know your pain
Drago Darke says:
especially not when I'm asking you
Drago Darke says:
lol
Drago Darke says:
you are telling yourself that. You told yourself that no one needs to be burdened with your issues. You told yourself that everyone has more important things and problems
Suz/Tess... says:
they do...
Drago Darke says:
says you
Suz/Tess... says:
and...i don't want to be a whineass
Suz/Tess... says:
or selfish
Suz/Tess... says:
or an attention whore
Drago Darke says:
and you tell yourself that sharing your problems is selfish or whining
Drago Darke says:
who is calling you any of that anymore?
Drago Darke says:
it's not me

...etc. She might kill me for putting that, but when she cries it kinda deadens me anyway. Step 2 is I am constantly misconstrued and it always hurts her.