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(It was MEEEEE!)

Yeah...so it was all my fault. I've known my girl for a year and a half. From the moment we met she was having problems...in an abusive relationship, being pinned down by family....she felt worthless. I wanted to help her so badly...but I live in CA and she lives in NY. I wanted to solve all her problems...so that we could both focus on being a couple..on being together. What else could I do? I tried to boost her spirit. I showed her what was wrong in her life in hopes of inspiring some courage, some desire to change...something. Instead she took it only for me picking her apart and not being happy with her. Go ahead...ask her about, all you nonexistant readers! Maybe she'll tell you how she remembers when I called her a crazy b***h the first time. Or when I told her love is supposed to hurt. Or when I told her I can't be responsible for her guilt. Or maybe when I told her that if she just let go and not let people bother her, she could overcome all the oppression. Nahh...she won't remember that one. Will she remember when I told her I loved her? That I would die for her? That I wanted to help set things right with her...that she is the type of woman I want to marry? Hmm? Bah probably not. I don't think she ever believes my compliments. Yes I was angry back then. I tried to change but then she gets mad at me for doing that. She called me just a shell of who I used to be...well yeah, I used to be someone who HURT you! MAKE UP YOUR MIND! "Oh just do whatever you want, dear". Yeah yeah I think I said that once or twice...but you know there's a good reason why I stopped saying it. It was STUPID! Why must I get it flung back at me so much? I just feel....I just....want to scream and kill some people. I don't know. Nothing about us feels right anymore. She'd let me have sex with her before she actually let me into her heart because of how much pain I gave her before. Is there no hope? Where do we go from here? *sigh* maybe more later...