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Parents and pictures.. When my friend came over we ended up playing a round of air hockey with my little sister, talked in my room for a bit, helped my mom bring in the groceries, had lunch, talked with mom and my step dad, said goodbye to step dad, talked to mom some more, ended up seeing my pictures! Baby picutres now.. not just the regular school pictures.. I was soo embarrassed!@! I don't even have a boyfriend and here's my mom getting in a sudden mood to show people pictures and it has to be those! The very first time she has been over here....I really could have hurt my mother, not badly.. just give her a bruise on her arm.. lol.. nah. I wouldn't hurt my mother for the world-never on purpose. Well, either way I had a blast.. They were all pickin on me though! *takes a tissue and wipes her eyes* They plotted against me- I swear it! lol.. Hopefully everything is well with all of my friends.. As of the moment I am sort of watching the Bush race and yet talking to a friend on here from Canada and he seems to be acting a little differently today... Or maybe its just me.. Maybe because I actually had a fun afternoon-not that its fully over with, but evening is on its way. My algebra 2 teacher gave all of us that went on the beta club convention trip a set of what she had printed out from Sarah's digital camera and my digital camera. The few that she printed out turned out really good. One of them is soo funny though because Julia looks like she's crying and Sarah's blow drying her hair. We really did get some good pictures though between the two of us. I love taking pictures..Ever since I was little I would take pictures of everything and everyone I saw (no, not strangers-people I know!). I just always loved it. I remember when I lived in Arizona I had this Barbie camera (yes, like every little girl I had liked Barbie) and I would take it just about everywhere. Grandpa, lord knows how much I miss him. I just sort of started thinking about him since we looked at the pictures.. Truly, I was definitely grandpa's little girl.. Not daddy's (didn't have one-blood one never saw me), not mom's little girl, or grandmas.. I was grandpas. He was my role model.. The "figure in the light". The one I wanted to be like. The one I always wanted to help and learn from. Its too late now.. I learned what I could from him while he was alive, but I could have learned soo much more.. I would of understood soo much more. I missed out on much, though some of my cousins believe I was lucky to live with him. I just remember how wise he was and how he was always down to earth. How he could always make me happy even when I was sad. How when he took me to the father-daughter dance I had been embarrassed, but happy at the same time. How he used to have his garden in Arizona and even if it was extremely hot there would always be something good out of that garden. How we used to crush up cans, save them, and take them to the recycling center. My cousins.. oh what can I say about them? Joey is a trip and always believes that everything that happens to him is never his fault. Tayla drives like a maniac at times, but she is really smart and is graduating from college in June. Those two were the closest to me in Arizona since we lived maybe five minutes away from each other. I remember Joey would just pop in with one of his friends and we'd hang out for a bit. They never treated me like a little kid-even when they became teenagers and I was still near, but not quite. Its interesting what you remember when you were young. I treasure my memories, my friends, my family, and my life. I don't believe I would be happy to be alive as much in AZ or any other place other then here when it comes to going to school and grades and such. Friends as well. There was some real pain in the a** people in AZ in my grade. I remember one girl I was friends with and in the end became a real back stabber. Bethany, my sweet little sister (though goofy and a little weird at times) is such a drama queen. lol.. I'm serious, but I remember when she was a baby. Big chubby cheeks, sleeping in her play pen, mom feeding her with the bottle, giving her her first bath, when she started talking, when she started to crawl, when she started walking... I was there for it all and its hard to believe how much she is growing up. When she slept in her play pen I remember I would arrange it just perfectly for her with a few toys, a pillow, and a blanket in case she went to sleep. *sigh* I guess I'm just in this mood to think about the past. Sometimes people think I'm mean just because they talked to me one time.. Really, if you got to know me I wouldn't be soo horrible to you. I'm just a young girl that is actually very much depressed at times. If you think I'm mean/horrible then you just caught me at a bad time with the wrong mood. I really don't try to draw attention to myself because I don't want to be in the spotlight, or in other words just afraid to have the attention. Usually when things go well, something ends up blowing in my face and sometimes its so bad that all I want to do is cry. I am not a perfect person and I know I have my little quirks. I'm just myself and thats all I'll ever be. I'll never try to be anything more.. I don't want people to see a fake me. I want them to see me for what I truly am and in a way I'm not sure if I even know MY true self. Or maybe I do and just don't realize it. Honestly, I couldn't tell you right now. My mind is just full of thoughts (as you can see) and it seems like a never ending tape going through it. Flashbacks, now, and dreams of the future.. What will the future bring? Will my life be horrible? Will the people I know and care about care for me then? Or will I be alone in life with nothing but my family to help me? Time, and only time, will tell.
 SkylightRose152004 · Sat Mar 19, 2005 @ 10:06pm · 0 Comments |
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