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I feel incomplete. My new life is equipped with a husband and soon another child. My path leads me to a warmer home for I to live. No harm has touched me in many moons. I am where I should be. Still at my dark times…I am incomplete.

Nataro and I have been married for a few weeks. Yet I am so caught up in my sorrow that I have spent more time neglecting then loving him. My sister has returned to our mother. She told me she needed to go and I allowed her to leave. Once she was gone I moved further into the Forest of Nyeewaa (The Forest of Four).

I live there alone. The only others is that of the ashes of my honored father, and the child that grows in me. I comfort myself with the darkness that seems to welcome me as its friend. I choose to shrink from my family…I’m afraid.

My cavern holds me for three days until I know to leave. I have sent short messages to my husband that I was fine. I will tell him I was away visiting Dora…a lie. I didn’t go see her until only a day ago.

My meeting with Dora was short. She checked my condition and told me the news. “You are weak my child…I already see the glass emerging to the surface…” her words were like ice shards tarring at my skin. This meeting didn’t include the infection I suffer now and hid. My heart sank…how could I tell Nataro…he already grieves at the fact I welcome my death.

I mention to Dora about Nataro’s chest pains. I know he said he was getting better, but Dora knows her way into the healing mysterious of the green. She gave me herbs, which could be brewed into a delicious s tea for Nataro. They would help soothe away Nataro’s pain.

She as well supplied me with more Black Widow root that I often feed to Raves. My son often would sneeze, and a roaring fireball would at times launch unexpectedly out from his throat. He complained about the burn that remained behind. The root help cease the burning sensation.

I took the roots but little would it help my son…he was taken from Ryu days ago. I hadn’t told Nataro about my son missing…I didn’t want to involve him.

But knowing that my son isn’t safe with his father worries me. Ryu ensures me…he would do all he can to find Raves.

Today before I return as a loyal wife would to her husband I polished my jewel. The gold rim shines but the deep red is dim. My fire barely burns it begs to be fed. Darker and darker my Dire fades but will always burn just enough to keep the body alive. Just not enough for my soul…she will be set free…

I will in a few moments walk to Nataro’s bar and take up a private meeting with him. I already hear his words in my head. He won’t let me die, he won’t let me go, and he needs me.

The words shatter me. They make me feel a need to run, but to where? What do I do when the body tries to live, but the soul wants out?

Late in the nights when I sleep alone in my cavern I head whispering in my head. The whispers are not clear, but I like to think it’s my father talking to me. The closest thing in my life was taken from me. Now that I need him he is there but its not enough.

Today while I was walking to Nataro’s place I found a rose bush. I was captivated by it’s red beauty that I took my knife and cut a few to gather. I put the roses inside my bag and thought of who to give them to.

I remember once my father told me the story of how he fell in love with my mother. He told me it was the sharp, red color of his eyes that captivated him into wanting her. Even after they separated all he wanted was Xan, my mother.

I inherited the same red eyes. I hate my wretched mother from the darkest, most vile feelings from my soul. Father told me I was blessed to have such beautiful eyes. Though I have only one now…I must still be blessed. I don’t know it to be true.

Xan hooked Rontu with her eyes and never released him from her hold. He loved her until the day of his death. Father told me I at times when I was just a little girl I did the same to him. That I would lure him into doing the things I wanted.

Nataro my husband, Airashii my sister, and Ryu my friend…did I lure you three into loving me? Did I do that to you with my eyes? If you tell me no then my father told me a terrible, blind story…you silly old man…

I’m lost…confused. I still cry but don’t allow people to see me for I know I am weak. Why do I push those I care about away?

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