I was watching The Baby by Blake Shelton on YouTube, and the whole song, while I was singing along, I was thinking only of how pretty Blake Shelton's eyes were. Then he sings the part "I never got to say goodbye" and I started crying like a baby because July 1st of '06 the only stable thing in my life for the past 17 years disappeared, and I never got to say goodbye to him. Saying goodbye would mean I don't believe that he can be found, and he can, I just have to offer a bigger reward for his return, or information that might lead to his return.
No one knows how much it hurts me to not have him here with me. We learned to walk together for crying out loud! And now he's not here, and it hurts me to look at pictures of him, or to say his name. He was such a beautiful dog and I can't even look at a picture of him without breaking down, he deserves better than that. I never thought the day would come when he wasn't here in my room, staring at me, waiting for a time when I would play with him. When I did dare to have those thoughts I thought I would break down, stop caring and not want to go on anymore, but this hurts more than I ever could have imagined. I didn't know one person could cry so often in one day. Sometimes I wish someone would hold me and tell me that I'll see him again before I pass on. I just wish someone would hold me and let me cry, let me be noisy for once with my tears, instead of biting my lip to keep from making any sort of noise. Its amazing the kind of power 6 little words can have on a person. Without him everything has lost its sparkle, its shine. My fingers hurt, so I'm going to go quietly cry myself to sleep now.
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Organized Chaos
Just a brief view into my screwy world, I hope I don't scare you... too much...
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