It seems each time I try to stride forward my past somehow manages to catch up with me. My past is dark...full of many pains, ones in which I was too weak to fight.
I have only lived for a little over three years in this realm, and each day it turns as dark as the night. What lead me from my life of an enslaved wife to the Sparta battlefield is a mystery. However, it did lead me to the first thing I thought that would make me happy.
My marriage with Ryu Bateson III didn't last. Our time together in the past has turned soured and the only thing keeping us for ending each other is our small son.
My only child is a handful himself, a never ending curse that once again has surfaced from a past I tried to escape. After a tough divorce I spent months locked away in a hole in the earth. My days consisted of staring for long hours into the darkness of my cavern walls.
No one knew where I was...I was hiding again from the past. When my son was taken away I plunged even more into the darkness. I would have been more than willing to take my life.
Whatever had happen in the past always seem to dwindle right back down onto me. I was a terrible mother, a terrible wife...I couldn't even keep my husband from straying away...I was a "limited" lover. That small word is more than enough for me to know how I was as a wife.
Like all things life moves on and I am now with someone else...he is more than I had ever hoped for. But am I getting too far ahead of myself?
I have my son back we are now relocated into a new home more livelier then my last. I had hoped to bring my one and only sibling to come stay with me soon in my new home. But even now it seems things are already starting to fall.
My son reversed back to normal form but he doesn't even seem to be mine anymore. I know his father has rights to him but he keeps secrets from me over his plans for my boy.
It seems he likes to taunt me with these secrets or even more doesn't want too much involvement of my kind in the boy. Raves is a hybrid of dragon and fox...I know far too well of how proud the dragons can be. My only fear is that my son will learn next to nothing that I have to offer.
Interference is always at play usually I am the one said to interfere too much. The other day Raves referred to another man as his "daddy". I wasn't sure what to think of this but it made me smile. I long for happiness. Yet something is always happening. I know my life will always have problems.
Can I not take my boy without worrying about something in him twisting into a dislike of me? The curse of my past has already caused him to strike me down. I was lucky...but how will I fair out next time?
Can I not love another man without worrying if he will be murder as the year progresses? My ex seems to have a unfinished dispute with him. I have tried not to involve myself with this, but I am not sure how much longer I can ignore it.
Nothing ever seems to just be! Sometimes I wonder if people like my dear Raves and Nataro would be better off without a cursed person like me. I could leave Raves with his father. I could let Nataro go, and be with someone else, as I know I have brewed a sense of jealousy out of a lot of girls.
I suppose my reputation as a wife to Ryu wasn't a good one. No one would have to worrying about me interfering ever again. As it seems I am not entitled to the small things like the love of man and child. I rather hide then let anyone ever see me cry again.
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Savvy Dea's Journal
Eh...nothing much maybe some poetry or fanfiction I am writing. Place where I can write down my thoughts.
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Raves Kyle Wild
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Savvy Dea Community Member 
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