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Another night... I wake up in panic sweat. I'm trying to keep calm and steady as I do my absolute best not to cry... Not again.

It's been like this for the entire week. Each night, I start to learn to fear as my dreams become more and more real... I dream of being with you again and I can't hold back my heart as it races so hard to the point that it wakes me up. I can't find the strength to lie to myself that it's just a dream and I shouldn't think anything of it... But even I know that it's not just a dream...

I don't think it's over. Maybe I just want to believe this despite it really being over... But it doesn't FEEL over. It feels like the break we need so we can grow more as adults till we reunite once more. It feels this way because I still see you in each passing moment and I still feel your warmth lit my cold nights. I still see your smiles and beautiful eyes. I still feel your soul with mine... Just as you've left it to me.

And maybe you're strong enough to lie to yourself that it is over... Or maybe it really is... But I just CAN'T take it till we talk one more time in person. Where I can get the closure of either we'll be forever or never ever. Even if it's a 0.0001 chance, I'll fight till my last breath dammit.

Maybe you can believe that each moment we spent was a clever lie by me, each word of love we said to one another, and each passionate moment faked with the most expert persuasion... But the truth is so much more simpler: I am yours. I gave you my everything; My pains, my troubles, my worries, my love, my laugh, my smile... Without worry or concern that you'd ever it away... Throw me away...

And I know... I just know... that you're tossing and turning, reading at times what I write here. Maybe you do it to see if I'm finally over you and scorning the thought that I'm not. Maybe you rejoice in happiness that I can't get over you so I could continue to hurt myself. Or maybe you're so afraid to tell me the truth that you can't face me because you're afraid of how I'll respond. Let me save you the time: I'll take you with open arms and a sweet smile because I love you. Give you all my strength to ask for your forgiveness and move on to make us work.

I wanted to cry, you know... When you left me at the Bus Terminal. When I saw you double back, I wanted to run into your arms and beg you to let me stay... Beg you to let me live there with you forever... I didn't because I knew how much it meant to you to have your own place and peace of mind. I didn't because I didn't want to bother you anymore with my s**t... I wanted you to be happy. That hasn't changed; I still want you to be happy and I... I'm stubborn... I just believe you're the happiest with me, dammit! I've seen your smiles and I've seen your tears... I've held you at your strongest and weakest... I want to continue to be there for you for the rest of our nature lives. I want little Yakari and Seraph with you in some secret place that no one will disturb us. I want them with smiles like their mother, so beautiful and free of the troubles of this world.

I don't want much in this world, I never have. I've never wanted people to care and worry about me. I've never wanted anything more than a little to myself... And you've been the most I've ever wanted... Please give me that last conversation.. Let's just end this miserable nightmare of twilight... That's all I ask.

[[ Music to accompany the passage:
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=UFMg8Dogc44 ]]