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Sore. Tired. Each moment spent working out gives me more insight on myself and my growth as a person each passing second. It's eye opening and rejuvenating how amazing this whole process as been for me this past week. I've grown to love my sore muscles and diet of healthier foods each day. I haven't felt so great in a long time and I have no intentions on missing any days after this week or even after this month.

Just.. I've started finding myself pushing myself harder and harder with... her on my mind. That I want her to see my progress and hard work.. Want her to know that I can actually put myself into something and not bail out of it. That I can dedicate myself to one thing and make results happen.

It's ******** tough.. Seeing her everywhere again. Feeling her everywhere again. I just want to call her so badly and tell her that I miss her and want to make things work out again. But I know I can't because it's not in my power to do anything like that. It's hers. I can't go back, not because I don't want her... But because she doesn't want me and I can't keep going back to her and bothering her with her life.

Reading our text messages, I just find it that she's trying to convince me that I have everything I need to move on but that's further from the truth...

No, I'm not ready to move on from you.
No, I'm never going to be ready to move away from you
No, I don't want to look for someone else and try to pretend to be happy

I'm my happiest when I think of the best and worst moments of me and her. I'm holding back tears when I'm with someone else, trying not to think in the back of my head about her. I'm cursing myself out when I pass an outfit that I KNOW she'd love to have and I finally have the funds to send it down to her so she can wear. I hate myself knowing that I could finally take her on official dates somewhere.. ANYWHERE and I can't do that.

I'm not happy lying to myself each day that everything is alright.
I'm not happy lying to others that I'm okay each day
I'm not happy talking to anyone else because deep down inside, it's you that I want to hear from.

Nonetheless, I must keep training. I must keep working out. I must. I must. I must.