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Yeah, lately I've been rather stressed and somewhat down with a lot of insecurities.

This is probably due to the pretty stressful situation I'm in at work. Basically it goes like this. I work with two girls who are roughly 18-19 years old. Of course there are others nearby but I do not work with them immediately. Beside that point though, these two, just out of high school girls, seem to enjoy paying attention to every single flaw I have and pointing them out in a rather..indirect yet open manner. Either that or go and spread rumors to everyone that will listen to them within the office. For the most part I do a heavy portion of the work in my area while those two girls sit around giggling at every single move I make. It keeps me on a constant up and down roller coaster with my emotions all day. Not to mention also having to juggle a larger portion of a two person job. I come home completely drained.

I know I'm not perfect and I try hard not to pay attention to them. However when it is done every single day for 40 hours out of a week it gets hard to ignore. It's like poison that slowly starts seeping into the very marrow of your bones. Most times I wish I could just bury the sound with my headphones and cell phone but I'm not really supposed to have that out. I might start trying that again though. It would be the only way I think to help ease the tension I'm feeling.

Probably what is making this situation worse is I'm losing sight of what I want to be, personality wise. I don't think I can be like them. Talking about others and enjoying doing so. Spreading gossip as if it were my right to do so. Those things to me would make me a very vile and ugly being. Furthermore, I am not sure who I am anymore. Slowly trying to piece everything together is definitely not easy when you are having to deal with constant mental abuse.

In the end my mind knows what I need to do. Ignore them and just do what I can with the best of my ability. Sometimes though, being strong is a lot harder than it looks. I'll keep trying though! Persevere till the very end right! I need my job so..it's really the only thing i can do now. Wish me luck!