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may 2011 -

silent gust

search your face in shadows whispering
seeking guidance by the pallor of your voice
soft words unheard by quiet ears
unspoken, untold to the wind
wrapping around vacant holds
questioning silence never louder


puppet

pushed, pulled around
cut these strings by which i'm dangled
fallen to pieces-
at least i'm free

untitled

you are everywhere, yet nowhere to be found
your middle name reflected in the television screen
immediate thought to you -- a calling out with no response
for we may be connected, but our bond only stretches so far
one-fourth of a day, i will come to you
but not to you, as she is already there
fake these feelings, tone them down
i will settle for second if it means i keep you first
such a length, i cannot compete
so i saddle up behind and root
my presence, feelings, life to yours, for yours
this soul aches to reach you, forever apart
boundaries forged and toppled
but not in reality



6/29 late-night impulse

vague hopes and secret demurs
silently dancing out from my fingertips

unbeknownst effect--
an affectation of interest
to keep me speculating

last minute refusal--
a blatant desperation
kept quiet in my mind

indeterminate status
question marks swirl, trailing
positioned on the back burner
yet always at the front

predicate my ardor
your reply of laconic brevity--
a riposte of negative quantity
in this roaring quiescence



7/15 composition

questions asked not by words
but expressions
so see inside this secret mind,
a concentrated whirlwind haze of deep emotion

to understand an understanding
mix-up of unreal pleas --
confusion, stand-by on the count of three

continue forward, backspace missing
room for error but not repeat


7/17 untitled

barren wasteland of my soul
empty lot where you used to live in me
heart gone, scattered like the dust
from the trail, ravished as you left ahead

and these feelings nothing more than a layer of grit
when they used to be in full bloom
your dirty fingerprints stain my being
soiled, never to be clean now


7/19 master manipulator

master manipulator
___with your smooth talk
___and your sweet words
master manipulator
___with your deep impressions
___and your high might
master manipulator
___with your dark secrets
___and your even darker quest
master manipulator
___make us fall for you
___me and her and her, too
because to you, master manipulator,
___one was not enough.
___to spare innocence? why do that
___when you can ruin all?


7/20

distract and attract
me away from this mess
your language a sigh upon my mind
drift closer with your soft presence
i yearn to know your every fiber
but more than friendship, not


7/21

i was thinking
how nice it would be
if your words were the truth
and not so false

sweet compliments and
_ _ _ profound complements
our souls etched on the stone
connecting us both to earth

but there was no validity
_in your arguments --
only yourself and your believed-life

i was never anything but honest with you
gave you myself many times over
gave you my word, my promise to be
____you, a completely fruitless hope

so i pack up this saddle, for i am done following you
through with feeling sorry for you
because you deserve your feelings
of alienation, loneliness, of desperation
you earned them over and over more
every broken heart --
___________ mine included.

7/22

forever stuck in a cycle
this repeating, recasted world
where choices are none, nothing
made to follow the dittoed path
with no life but us and again
recognize what once was
yet will never be


7/23 held stories

words tell stories in our hands
of what shan't be
-- but could --
walk down the quiet road
with thoughts speaking ever so dim
and put into action, not
nor into words
for to speak of this affair
would make it real
wave my hand to dispel this smoke,
this cloud of my feelings
because in the distance,
the only hands telling stories
belong to you and her


7/25 steep

feelings for you, a pendulum
fluctuate with your every action, reaction
-- or lack thereof --
a wind, breeze to softly sway
followed by a sudden gust to knock over

i thought i would be safe with you,
maybe a light decline, gentle landing
instead a plummet, straight drop down
spiraling plunge into one tenebrous chasm

this chamber known as my heart.


7/27

maybe it was me all along --
not led by you,
but my own impulses, conclusions
the ones i leapt to so freely

to blame you is so easy
to write about you
with this pen not unlike a river
lines resembling the tide
writing, erasing
(unsure of how much to share)

though ultimately the fault lies in me
my whole being _a ring of fire_
and it was your cool waters which had calmed me so

your dark blue, so deep and free
yet underneath trapped by all your doubts
your uncertainties and fears
and that vicious thirst which plauged you so
i had tried so many times to quench
engulfed, enveloped me
-- enveloped us.


random lines (possibly incorporated into later poems, who knows):

i am the deepest, darkest blue from the depths of the sea; an anchor sunken once and forgotten forever.

i am an empty casing; a shell of what could never have been.