The SOLDIER's lament
Staring at it wasn't going to make it any less real or make it a mistake; they were gone. He could feel himself falling rapidly into a void that stemmed from his heart; from his very core. He was nearly brought to his knees with the news, but as always was forced to keep himself composed and cold like an unfeeling monster.
In the instant he was in the safety of his own walls, he slumped down into a heap by the door; his breath quite literally knocked out of him. "Why?" he gasped out to no one, in hopes that someone would answer, even if he knew no one would. His eyes stung with the pricking of tears, tears he had hoped he wouldn't need to release; the lump in his throat making it hard to swallow.
"Angeal... Genesis... why?"
At first he had broken into a silent sob, his body slumping to the side as he curled up into the fetal position. Once more he looked at his phone and he couldn't accept it, didn't want to accept that his best friends that he held so dear, were truly gone. First it was Angeal and even though that had wore at his heart he had to be strong for Zack, even though the young male was torn to shreds by what he had to do.
The hope that perhaps Genesis was still alive gave him something to look forward to, gave him a reason to believe in hope; believe that he could be saved from whatever madness was plaguing him. But even he, ShinRa's great General, the demon of Wutai was helpless to save him and that's what tore at him the most. Was it even worth believing in miracles and any gifts that a goddess could grant, when the only thing he considered a gift to him was so violently taken from him?
The gift of friendship, of what they shared, his only chance to truly love someone and feel loved in return all gone in a flash. He felt no one other than himself was to blame, he was useless, pathetic... a monster. Of course ShinRa had a hand in all this, they always did, but he could have helped his friends and joined them. Instead he was a cold hearted monster and left them all to die and for what? Glory, honor, dreams? As it was well put in the epic that Genesis treasured so, none of that remained.
"Even in death you plague my soul," he sighed out, his body feeling cold and lifeless as he laid on the floor. He had no appetite, hadn't really bothered to eat much since the whole ordeal began; sleep becoming elusive as well. He also wasn't sure if it was a result, but he was beginning to hear things as well, things he knew weren't there.
Alcohol would not quell this pain and he knew it'd be hopeless to try. No narcotic, nor injection could provide him the medicated peaceful moment he desired. He wanted to go back to that time, that time when they were happy and smiling, enjoying their own company away from the world.
There were things he never got to say...
In a hopeless attempt he scrolled through his phone and found Genesis' number, staring at it for a moment before compiling a text message. He knew he'd never get a reply, recalling Zack's story of how he saw him fall to his death. How did it come to this point; when did it all go wrong?
He hit send on his phone and closed it, mirroring the words that he knew would never reach the man.
"I'm so sorry."
[~-Sephiroth-~] Community Member 
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