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I have an ex gf. We were in a relationship for one year with each other, if you don't count the many break-ups we went through. Just a couple of months ago, it was our last break up, and I had a feeling it would be because she had started school. I told her things would change, but I wanted her to promise me they wouldn't. A year ago, she was in home schooling. She wanted me to be in it, too, so we would have more time with each other. I went into Online Schooling, which is also at home. It turns out, the more time we spent with each other, the more we got into pathetic fights. But, did I care about the fights? No. Honestly, I just wanted them to stop, so we could be happy. I loved her more than anything, and have never felt that way before. I doubt I ever will again. xD You never know. Despite the pain we went through, I enjoyed the time we always spent together. Anyway, as I went into doing school at home, she went into doing school at a Public School. that's when it all happened. I wanted her to make that promise. I wanted it to never end! ....Ha. She said she couldn't promise me anything. that got me thinking on a whole other level. I highly guessed that everything would go down the drain. We said we still loved each other, even as she talked about guy after guy, making my heart fill up with explosive bombs that said, "Go to hell. I want nothing to do with you anymore." And, each day, those bombs would explode and I would cry. Of course, if you know me, I'm supposedly "always happy". That's bullshit, just to let you know. So, I continued to wear a mask and act as if nothing bothered me, when it actually did. did I share this information with her? Did I really even want her to know? Psh... No. No to both. Why? Why didn't I just tell her? I had my reasons. I already knew things would change for good and I knew it would never be as it once was between us again. I guess she was just an obstacle, but even so, I still think she's my soulmate. Why? I have no idea. I have to get over her, though. She now has a boyfriend and is happily in love with him. He feels the same way towards her. And, the way she talks about him!!! Wow. It's like, just too obvious. As she tells me more about him, the more I cry each night. Why do I cry? Well, let's see.... Knowing how much she meant to me, knowing how what we had could've been different, knowing all of these things.....and it still going the way it did. It hurt. And, yes. I'm a very emotional person. I feel everything strongly. I'm trying to change that a bit, by being able to take things less seriously because people tend to kid around a lot, but still. Deep down, I know how I feel. Sometime yesterday, or the day before, she asked me something... She asked, "Are you over me yet?" I said yes to see how she would respond. If she freaked out, I would know there was still something there. Guess what? She didn't freak out. So, I told her something tonight. I said, "I can finally answer your question... I mean, with a proper answer." And, I told her I was over her finally. Is this info the truth? Mmmmm.... Let's put it this way. Deep down, maybe I don't want it to be this way, but she loves her boyfriend and what we once had will cease to exist. So, you find out the answer to that. Why am I writing about this? Lol..... When I write, I feel like someone who actually understands me is listening. And, guess what? They don't have to say a word. By finding out the answer, or solution to a problem, you must seek inner knowledge of yourself. By writing this, I am doing so. It's like talking to myself, but not literally. It's kind of hard to explain, but that's the only way I know how. Basically, it just helps me. :3 Anyway, back to what I was talking about. The change I went through hurt, but she did me a great deal that helped me a lot. You may be asking, "How did she help you if you guys broke up and you got hurt? Wtf." Right? Well, through her, I gained more. Meaning, By being with her and getting hurt, I gained further knowledge of how relationships can be and how to prevent that from happening in a later relationship. No, I'm not smart, nor am I trying to appear that way. As I said before, this is merely a way of getting to know more about myself. :3 Pretty cool how it works, actually. But, yuh. So, this is it. Main point of this Journal: To teach you what could happen, and how to prevent it. OH... And, self realization. x3 If you read this....and, not just a little bit, but the whole thing! Thank you for taking your time to listen to me ramble on. x3 If you comment, thank you again. :3 If you have any questions about this journal, or just wanna say it's lame, or something? Just comment me. :3 I won't cuss you out, or anything. Thanks again. biggrin I'll be sure to write again, soon. time to move on. ;D

-Kaylee