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Hm. I don't even know where to start, this summer has gone on for so many endless eons that I can't even remember what's happened.

JMU camp, I guess. Not as exciting as it was last year. Only awesome part of it was that we got to be the first performers in their new (and currently not open to the public, sitll under construction ahah) performing arts center.
Met awesome friends, etc.

YCC, the conservation corps I went to for the last two weeks of July and first week of August. Pretty cool. We built a fence, cleared trails, built bluebird houses, etc. One girl got smacked in the head with a sledgehammer on the last day of the fence. She was okay, had to get a staple in her skull for a week.
While I was there, the gossipy girl of the group would not leave me alone when I avoided her questions: 'why don't you have a boyfriend?' 'So who do you like?' 'Why do you ignore meeee?'
...I digress.
As a result, my trial to get away from life and its problems in turn only made everything worse.
Being around people I have never met in my life, who know nothing of anyone I talk about ever, who don't understand any jokes I make and who don't understand why I do some things that I do only made me wish for life and its problems more.
...let me make that slightly more clear.
This girl and all the others would gossip about their boyfriends, exboyfriends, crushes, etc nonstop. Which made me miss Ben more than I usually did at the time. So the one time they coerced me into talking about him, I said more than I should have and they all thought I was weird for liking someone like him.

So, when I came back I was somehow convinced that I shouldn't like him and should move on, and that ALMOST worked.
Until the first day of band camp. Funny thing: I knew he was going to come in to help with band camp. I was not expecting him to be there every day.
So I had this trepidation that something was going to happen, and lo, he appears.
That's been happening ever since, and it's accurate within ten minutes.

You would think that after the fiasco at prom, he wouldn't talk to me. Yet, recently, he's been talking to me of his own volition. Last night at the football game, he even sat next to me and we just hung out for about five minutes until his ADD kicked in and he went to talk to his other friends.

If he didn't like me, he wouldn't be this normal around me knowing I like him, would he? And if he does like me, he wouldn't be saying 'I don't know' every time I say anything.

Of course, there is a third option here. I could be trying too hard to think in black and white terms and he could simply be trying to move past the awkward fail previously and still have us be friends.
...or there's a fourth option that's most likely the real answer, that I don't even know what it is.

So many people have told me to move on past him, to give up, to forget him. It's a little hard to move past the one guy who you know exactly what to say to (under normal circumstances), who knows exactly what hurts you and what makes you die laughing.
It's hard to move past someone who's this good of a friend.
As another good friend once said to me, deja vu is a sign that your life is on the right track. I've had more deja vu moments this summer than any other time in my life. So maybe I'm doing something right by not giving up.
Now I'm just rambling on and on and on. So I think I'll just leave this here and continue my thoughts where they belong: inside my head.

Actually, I think I'll watch some House to get my mind off this before I go crazy.