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I think I'm going to try to put everything I'm hating right now into this one journal entry, to see if it'll help.

I hate that I'm so tired all the time. It's starting to get really obnoxious to fall asleep in every class every day. It's like that no matter how much I sleep too, so I don't know what's up. Maybe my thoughts are wearing me down, even in my dreams. *Shrug* I do tend to have some issues with overthinking and with regrets. That could contribute. Probably is. Oh well...

I hate that the person who makes my days better than the complete s**t they've been lately is leaving school tomorrow, and that I probably won't see her again before I leave for Arizona next month because of her schedule. And that it'll be a long time after that before we can hang out again.

I hate the way I left my old school. I hate that I ran away. I hate that I left everyone. I hate that I wasn't strong enough to deal with it then, because this is much worse now. I hate that I've lost so many friends because I'm too afraid to go back and try to make amends. I hate that I left her. I hate the things I said to her. I hate that she was so important and that I probably wasn't even close to being that important to her. I hate that she was my best friend, and without her I don't have anyone to talk to. I hate how much I love her, because if I didn't this wouldn't be so unbearable. I hate that I think about her every day, and because of how many people she has in her life she probably hardly remembers me. I hate that it's almost been half a year and I still feel this way. I hate that I can rationalize leaving. That it makes perfect. That it really was the only choice. I hate that I can do all that because it makes all this pain just completely irrational.

I hate that I can't just forget those memories.

I hate that the power got shut off a few days ago because, even though it's turned back on, that proves that even with the effort I'm putting out it's just not enough.

I hate that I was born so early.

I hate that even now, focusing on other things, my thoughts cycle back to her.

I hate that I never seem to be making any progress.

I hate that my grades are so mediocre.

I hate how life has become just one giant routine.

I hate that I have so many problems.

I hate that none of those problems seem to work themselves out.

I hate how spoiled some of the people I know are, and how they don't understand just how good they have it. I have to work for every bit of money I have or want, while other people just get handed money and get told to do what that want with it, I hate that so much because it makes me so jealous of them.

I hate that I can't ever seem to finish something.

I hate that I can't go back.

I hate that I don't know my purpose.

I hate that I don't know why I've survived so many things.