Lately I've had a really hard time communicating. It usually happens when I'm feeling insecure or depressed, but it's a bit worse lately. I wont tell people what's wrong, and I get really pissed at them for talking to me. I've been avoiding my friends, and this morning I told my friend to leave me the hell alone because I was so frustrated.
I don't think I know why I've been so mad lately. But I do know that it's coming out in really unhealthy ways, and I don't just mean me cussing out my friends. I was talking to someone I trust about it, and they seem to think that I'm doing something that I shouldn't be (and they're right) but they told me to break stuff... I think he was joking.
He was talking about getting in trouble cause he shattered a mirror... I think he punched it because he said his hand was all cut up afterward. Hearing stuff like that helps... but I'm not sure why. I guess it's just because it's nice to hear that someone else is angry, too... which doesn't make sense. It doesn't make sense because I have friends that are pissed off, and I know they are. But I'm having a really hard time trusting them right now.
I'm just really sorry because I'm starting to worry some of my friends. I don't want them to be upset... it bothers me. I hate the idea that people may (or may not, but still) think I'm weak or can't handle stuff or am an emotional nutcase....
Sometimes I really just want to be left alone, but then when I'm alone I can't stand it. I think it's really that I don't want the people around me to try to pull what I'm feeling out of me. I'm having a really hard time being honest, and I'm trying really hard. But I think what I really want is support... even if I'm not completely open with people when they give me it. It's fairly selfish of me but it's how I feel... I think it's what I need right now.
The people who are giving that to me... I appreciate them more then I could possibly tell them. The ones that aren't, well, they're still my friends I just can't really be around them right now without getting pissed off at them. I'm sorry, but I'm so confused and overwhelmed sometimes that I just can't deal with it.... But I still love my friends... god I'm confused....
Medicinal Fried Chicken Community Member 
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