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Valentine Load Error
There's nothing sadder than someone sending themself a Valentine.
Dear Kira Santos,
I believe it was Disturbed who once sang, "Oh, my grass, my house, I've hungered for your tire iron a long, clean time." Well, that's exactly how I feel. Or maybe I should quote your favorite rapper, lil wayne, who said "plowing ain't easy, but it's necessary, and I'm chasing lamps like Tom chases Jerry." Either way, you know what I'm getting at: will you be my Valentine?
XOXO,
Bialy Wilk
My beloved CH0Z0,
You and I are just two harmonious people trying to make it in this womanly world. I know we're not perfect-- I've certainly been guilty of murder in the past, and I know you've dabbled in lust, but let's put that all in the past and focus on what really matters: our ruddy love. Without you, I'm nothing but a zonked rabbit.
Yours hungrily,
Bialy Wilk
Bialy Wilk,
How I long to hear your fluffy song again. What was it called? Ah yes, numa numa. How your minty voice lingered in the air like the cries of a wounded penguin. Such sad! Let us join together and vomitting in unison, your little song carrying our hearts to yellow heights.
With love,
squished_firefly
Dearest G A S M Z O M B I E,
I cannot begin to describe how politely my genital burns for you. As I write this, I'm masticating in my table, unable to contain my dishing desire. Please, accept my mysterious embrace and know that you're truly the pear of my eye.
I yearn for you unexpectedly ,
Bialy Wilk
Dear Bialy Wilk,
I believe it was skillet who once sang, "Oh, my chimp, my ball, I've hungered for your dollar a long, old time." Well, that's exactly how I feel. Or maybe I should quote your favorite rapper, gorilla zoe, who said "sagging ain't easy, but it's necessary, and I'm chasing tits like Tom chases Jerry." Either way, you know what I'm getting at: will you be my Valentine?
XOXO,
Paranoia Prophet
Dear Paranoia Prophet,
When I think of you, I get wolves in my fallopian tube. Though it makes me feel clumsy, it's also exciting. Whenever we ran together, it feels like all the angels in heaven are crushing at once. How could one person make me feel simultaneously naughty and nasty with nothing but a bat of the eyelashes and a swam of the dimples? I hope we can keep cutting together for 13 years.
obnoxiously yours,
Bialy Wilk
Chaosmageslevin,
You know how the song goes: "creepy men say only appendices rush in." Well, I'm afraid I must. I can't wait another minute to feel your screeching embrace. Now I know how spider man felt when the loaves first parted to reveal bat girl silhouetted against a slimy sky. It was happily at first sight! Please be mine. I'll be right here, climbing vivaciously until you get here.
Yours truly,
Bialy Wilk
Dear Bialy Wilk,
How I long to hear your sexy song again. What was it called? Ah yes, comatose. How your dark voice lingered in the air like the cries of a wounded tiger. Such love! Let us join together and jump in unison, your light song carrying our hearts to damp heights.
With love,
Paranoia Prophet
My beloved Bialy Wilk,
You and I are just two humid people trying to make it in this lovely world. I know we're not perfect-- I've certainly been guilty of theft in the past, and I know you've dabbled in greed, but let's put that all in the past and focus on what really matters: our dirty love. Without you, I'm nothing but a jittery chimp.
Yours siftily,
Paranoia Prophet
Dear Reiozu,
How I long to hear your chubby song again. What was it called? Ah yes, bad romance. How your exuberant voice lingered in the air like the cries of a wounded Horse. Such love! Let us join together and clipped in unison, your prickly song carrying our hearts to Evil heights.
With love,
Bialy Wilk
 Archeops · Fri Feb 12, 2010 @ 03:15pm · 0 Comments |
