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As a writing exercise and a way of sort of verbally "painting a picture" of emotional pain, I wrote these little mini stories that are allegorical/symbolic tales about me & God. This is kind of heavy reading, and only the first one really ends positively, but I believe that the end of the first story is the kind of ending my own life's story will have someday, as God heals my heart. I suck at establishing good habits, and a text document prayer journal I resolved to keep daily quickly fell by the wayside. But, I picked it up again two days ago, and am going to try harder to get in the habit of writing in it every night. As I am writing in my prayer journal, I am finally starting to feel closer to God again for the first time in a very long time (years). Over time, this should help me quite a bit, I hope - I would like to actually have a relationship with God ... to do more than just talk about it ...

Anyway, these are the allegorical stories I wrote earlier this evening (not in my prayer journal, just as a writing/emotional healing exercise of sorts.)


Broken Mirror

A shawl covered the cracked mirror. She couldn't bear to look into it. All she knew was that she was not a princess and this was no fairytale. She turned away, disillusioned. No one would ever love her. Inside her heart, fragile, delicate things broke and left sharp edges that dug into her. After awhile, her heart grew numb and she scarcely felt the pain anymore, but she wasn't happy either. And in the silence within her, tears fell endlessly.

Behind her, He stands. His arms are around her waist, she is His princess. He can't bear it when she cries. He lifts the shawl from the mirror and holds her in His arms while He tells her about herself, pointing out details in the mirror as He speaks to her earnestly. He lifts her fallen chin and holds her close when she cries. She doesn't believe everything that He has to say yet, but she is beginning to feel that she is worthy of love.


Bird In A Cage

A jungle bird sits in an iron cage, disconsolate. It's freedom has been stolen. It's only life now is to eat and sleep and stare out of the bars with longing. People bring it strange food, but the trapped creature has no desire to eat - the bird knows it will never be in the sky again. The bird doesn't live long.

She turns off the monitor and closes her eyes. For a moment, visions of coconut trees swaying softly in the wind on tropical shores flit through her mind. Her face crumples in pain and her heart is torn. She carries a stack of paper to another room and begins to file it away. All the names, numbers, letters, words - all blur endlessly in her eyes. The room is small and has white walls with no windows. She has been there for years. She knows she will never escape. Her heart dies.


Living Nightmare

Her eyes are so dead. He shakes her shoulders gently and touches her face, speaks to her pleadingly, but she can't hear Him anymore. She neither hears nor believes His words about restoration and hope anymore. She pulls her arms around her knees and buries her face in her knees. Her heart is full of death. She sits inside a cage and waits for her body to die. Her heart died long ago when the bars closed over the skies ... when cruel hands, cruel words, and neglect shredded her soul. She doesn't know how to live anymore. She just wants to wake up from this nightmare.

The wheels of a hospital bed squeal on polished floors. There are running footsteps, and tense voices confer in an undertone. He tries to stay with her, but they have to take her away. Will she wake up?


From The Edge of The Grave

She can't hear the world around her, but her eyes move under her eyelids as she dreams. In her dreams, He fights for her, He gives His life to heal her, He stands with arms outstretched, a shield against the Darkness. He picks up her lifeless body and weeps for her. He tries so hard to save her. "If only You were real ..." she whispers in her sleep, as her hand rises weakly on the hospital bed, reaching out toward Him. Her fingers close on air ... she cannot feel Him, and only sees Him in her sleep ... And In her nightmares, the Darkness ravages her, leaving her little better than a walking corpse. The soft, tender heart has grown so hard and cold. Wishes are replaced with bitterness at hopes unrealized. The ability to love deeply decreases with disuse. The skeleton hand of Darkness is clamped around her forehead, pushing her mind under further and further into darkness. Darkness ravishes the Bride of the Light, stealing from Him what should be His alone. She wanders in a maze of darkness, will she ever escape?