Character:
Ma.... 0.0 _____ 0.0 _______ 0.0-_- = 00.0
Fe..... 0.0 _____ 0.0 _______ 0.0-_- = 00.0
Creativity:
Sp.... 0.0 ______ 0.0 _______ 0.0-_- = 00.0
Cohesiveness:
Ma.... 0.0 ______ 0.0 _______ 0.0-_- = 00.0
Fe..... 0.0 ______ 0.0 _______ 0.0-_- = 00.0
Completeness:
St..... 0.0 ______ 0.0 _______ 0.0-_- = 00.0
Sp.... 0.0 ______ 0.0 _______ 0.0-_- = 00.0
Critical:
Amlex-
TVee-
Mara-
TOTAL =
___________________________________ Round 2: The Creature Feature.
Having left home and all the comforts behind, the spirit of adventure inevitably approaches in unexpected ways... You have decided that first off you need to go to the nearest town to stock up on victuals, herbs and other necessities. Upon inspecting your map you see that the most efficient route takes you through 'that abominable forest/ marsh/ swampland/ cave ... [insert your own location].' The scenery is rumored to be the hallowed grounds of ferocious animal-human hybrids. You clutch your relic/weapon and cross the borderline, prepared for anything. Little do you know that you are already being watched...
The Specifics:
1. Make a male and female version of these hybrids that your character meets. You must use at least one 'animal' item that can be easily seen.
2. Give your species a name and a short bio of race.
3. Write a scene detailing the interaction of your character and this race. Is it peaceful? Is it an all out battle? Whatever it is... make it interesting.
Fried Salad=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-
__ Amlex's ___ TVee's ____ Mara's
Character:
Ma.... 6.0 _____ 6.0 _______ 8.0-_- = 20.0
Fe..... 6.0 _____ 6.0 _______ 8.0-_- = 20.0
Creativity:
Sp.... 9.0 ______ 6.0 _______ 8.0-_- = 23.0
Cohesiveness:
Ma.... 7.5 ______ 5.0 _______ 8.5-_- = 21.0
Fe..... 7.0 ______ 7.0 _______ 8.0-_- = 22.0
Completeness:
St..... 2.0 ______ 4.0 _______ 7.5-_- = 13.5
Sp.... 7.0 ______ 5.0 _______ 7.5-_- = 19.5
Critical:
-2 the two sentences that tried to pass for a story were very disappointing
-3 for not having the male and female have differing appearances. they looked too similar and lacked individuality for their gender. the description seemed half-assed, too.
-0 The avatars are nice, but the story wasn't especially compelling. It felt a little abbreviated. The item continuity between the two avatars was nice. I think the jacket on the woman is a bit bold, the bright green distracts me.
TOTAL = 134, 63.8%
Fried Salad
"The Aquagenics"
The Aquagenics have always been top of the foodchain in their territory. On our intrepid hero's outing to the Temple of the Ancients, he encountered two of these incredible beasts. The assume human form and usually pretend to be drowning in the river where they live, but if you try to help them, they will slowly change back into their monstrous bodies. Our hero, the brave and kind soul he is, unfortunately almost met his doom while trying to save what looked like a poor man and woman, but escaped in the nick of time thanks to rigorous swimming drills and a speed boost spell that got him out of there quickly.
Jamais Changeant=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=
__ Amlex's ___ TVee's ____ Mara's
Character:
Ma.... 8.0 _____ 7.5 _______ 9.5-_- = 25.0
Fe..... 9.0 _____ 8.0 _______ 9.0-_- = 26.0
Creativity:
Sp.... 8.0 ______ 7.5 _______ 9.0-_- = 24.5
Cohesiveness:
Ma.... 7.5 ______ 8.0 _______ 9.5-_- = 25.0
Fe..... 8.0 ______ 7.0 _______ 9.5-_- = 24.5
Completeness:
St..... 10.0 _____ 8.0 _______ 9.5-_- = 27.5
Sp.... 9.0 ______ 7.0 _______ 9.5-_- = 25.5
Critical:
-1 Didn't really channel the 'animal' aspect like was hoping.
+1 Very cool story. I liked that you showed some of your character's abilities.
+2 for amazing textures and colors, i love them! and for having jam befriend the creatures at the end, lmao.
+3 I enjoyed the story a lot, the story really made this. The avatars are pleasing, I have no real complaints about them.
TOTAL = 183, 87.1%
Jamais Changeant
Célesteleméd
A quiet, otherwordly being often assumed to be harmless due to their avoidance of human contact. They are, however, an intelligent and strong opponent. They hardly get their hands dirty in battle since they rely on their psychic abilities. The women tend to favor a lighter appearance and are adorned with various stars to represent their source of power. The males tend to look darker and adorn themselves in moon replicas to represent their source of power.
It had been three days since the day that Jam had left the sanctity of the castle. There was no one for miles around and she was still trekking through the forest, living off whatever animals she could catch. She traveled day and night, eager to start her new life. It was at night that she felt the most uncomfortable. She'd been told of the Célesteleméd many times by her Mistress. They pretended to have no interest in human life, but they had been known to target magic users; magic users were a threat. So far her journey had been uneventful.
On this night, however, she could not force the tingling in her neck to go away. Something was coming. She stopped in the middle of a clearing and, as if on cue, a Célesteleméd stepped in front of her. It was a woman. Her eyes were milky white and she seemed not to notice Jam. Jam knew better, she pulled her dagger from her hip and immediately assumed a fighting stance.
This caused the male to come out from behind her. She couldn't be certain, but she thought she heard him chuckle. He thought she had no more than a dagger? A woman's voice rang in her head, but the female's lips did not move. "Brother, you said she was filled with a powerful magic. She is nothing more than a lost hunter."
Jam didn't let her smile come forth. It's always best to let your enemies underestimate you. The males voice followed; "I saw her using power sister. I do not understand." Jam didn't let them think any longer. The woman had drifted close enough for her to jump forth and swipe her dagger through her chest. The woman's voice rang out in a laugh, but only briefly.
A dagger would have done nothing to these creatures, but Jam's power specialized in poison. She had laced the dagger with a poison that acted almost instantly. The female collapsed and the male stepped forward in anger. Jam turned to face him, but did not strike. He looked at her curiously, his sister still barely alive at his feet. Jam smiled; "She can still be saved. If you do not attack me I will save her."
He seemed to contemplate it. She could not fathom what was going through his mind since his face lacked any expression. Finally his voice rang in her head again; "You do not understand the infinite power that you possess, but we are not foolish. You will become great and we would rather be your allies than your enemies." He bowed then and stepped to the side, allowing Jam access to his sister.
Jam stepped forth hesitantly, but could sense that he meant what he said...every word. She nodded and knelt by the woman. When she placed her hands on the woman's wounded chest she felt a flash of iciness rush through her veins. It was the poison that she was pulling out of the woman's body. It only took a minute before the woman was fully conscious and rose from the ground. She glided to her brother's side and bowed at Jam in the same way that he was.
Their voices came in unison as Jam re sheathed her dagger; "We apologize and wish you luck." Jam bowed her head slightly then turned to walk away. An eerie feeling followed behind her as she headed forth. Infinite power? Whatever he meant by that it seemed she had just befriended two Célesteleméd.
Last of 9=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-
__ Amlex's ___ TVee's ____ Mara's
Character:
Ma.... 10.0 ____ 7.0 _______ 8.0-_- = 25.0
Fe..... 9.0 _____ 7.0 _______ 8.0-_- = 24.0
Creativity:
Sp.... 9.5 ______ 7.0 _______ 8.0-_- = 24.5
Cohesiveness:
Ma.... 8.0 ______ 6.0 _______ 8.0-_- = 22.0
Fe..... 6.0 ______ 5.0 _______ 7.5-_- = 18.5
Completeness:
St..... 10.0 _____ 8.0 _______ 7.5-_- = 25.5
Sp.... 9.0 ______ 6.5 _______ 7.5-_- = 23.0
Critical:
-1 the female creature looks really hideous... sorry.
+2 awesome story, very well written. Made me want to read it again.
+1 for making me laugh while reading the story; it was funny! especially when the dinkle winkles began to argue lol.
+0 The story was cute, and the avatars are decent, but they didn't really wow me. I'm not totally buying the tooth as flute, but I can blur my eyes and let that one go.
TOTAL = 163.5, 77.9%
Last of 9
____________________
______________________________________________________The Dinkle Winkles. _________
Name: The Dinkle Winkles
Age: Unknown
Populace: 2
Location: The Ripple Forest
Yoy was still emotionally distraught but collected himself enough to get started on his adventure to free his family from this curse once and for all. He was leaving behind his mother and older sister who already had a little boy to take care of. If Yoy didn't free his family from the curse not only would he die but his nephew or his own child would have to take up the position of weilding the fan. Only time would tell.
Before departing from his quanit little village Yoy stopped at the road sign to see the nearest direction in which to reach the market town in order to purchase his supplies. From what he could tell the quickest path would be through the Ripple Forest. He wondered why the path went around the forest when it was obviously shorter to go through it.
With Kuu and his new peice of wheat grass they set out on their adventure.
Before long the pair had reached the edge of the forest. The trees were dark black and curved and spiked in all directions. It was a very horrendous looking forest. Yoy almost wanted to turn around and head back to the path, but he knew that he would lose a day's travel if he did, and every day counted. Reluctantly he entered.
- - -
After a bit of walking and stumbling from fear, Yoy and Kuu both heard a noise. Yoy began to whimper and he held his fan in front of him almost beginning to cry. Kuu crawled to his friend's head and held on as he watched nervously.
"HEEY YA!"
Yoy almost fell over backwards.
Before him was a strange human looking creature with hollow looking eyes and a large horn.
"HII! ! !"
From behind a creature who appeared to be a female version, shouted at him. Kuu ran down Yoy's cape and hid.
"I'm Dinkle," the male said. "And I'm Winkle." The female said."And we are the Dinkle Winkles," they said together. "Welcome to the Ripple Forest where we call our home. Here sit sit and let us entertain you." The male hopped and pushed Yoy over to a rock to sit down. Winkle lifted up her flute and began to play. The sound was so horrid. Then Dinkle joined in. Together they played such horrible noise.
Yoy dropped his fan in his lap and covered his ears.
Winkle moved in closer to Yoy. "WE ARE GREAT RIGHT? But I'm so much better." She grinned and folded her arms. "Nuh uh. My horn sounds so much better. See I can play it louder." Dinkle in haled deeply and blew his horn with all his might. He coughed. "SEE SO MUCH LOUDER!" Winkle didn't seem to impressed. "Well I look prettier playing my flute." She pushed Dinkle aside and played. Dinkle jumped back up and knocked Winkle over the head with his horn. "I'M SO MUCH BETTER THAN YOU ARE!!!" Winkle shoved back. "NO YOU ARE NOT!" She huffed. The two quickly began to start a heated argument while seeking the approval of Yoy.
Yoy nervously and cunningly began to walk away from them as silently as possible, while the Dinkle Winkles continued to shove and blow their instruments as loud as possible.
- - -
Finally Yoy was able to sneak away from them and they made it to the edge of the forest. Kuu sensing the coast was clear returned back to Yoy's shoulder. Yoy turned his head. "I think I know why there are only two of them. They must have annoyed the rest of them to death." He grinned and Kuu chuckled.
iRiddance=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-
__ Amlex's ___ TVee's ____ Mara's
Character:
Ma.... 7.0 _____ 7.0 _______ 7.0-_- = 21.0
Fe..... 7.0 _____ 7.0 _______ 8.0-_- = 22.0
Creativity:
Sp.... 6.0 ______ 7.0 _______ 7.0-_- = 20.0
Cohesiveness:
Ma.... 6.0 ______ 6.5 _______6.5-_- = 19.0
Fe..... 7.0 ______ 6.0 _______7.0-_- = 20.0
Completeness:
St..... 6.0 ______ 6.0 _______ 6.5-_- = 18.5
Sp.... 7.0 ______ 7.0 _______ 6.5-_- = 20.5
Critical:
-1 so much missed potential in the story aspect. After the first round I was hoping for something more
-looks down- : D
-1 for not having more interaction between the character and the species. it was just... an attraction... then nothing.
-3 I had a few issues with the avatars which I will elaborate on in the comments, and the story was a bit brief and didn't actually involve anything that I would call interaction between the main character and the creatures. I dislike the tattoos. They feel like they're just there to make the avatars look a bit less human, which seems like something of a cop out. Is there a purpose behind them, some sort of ritual or tradition perhaps? If there's no explanation, then aesthetically they're just busying things up in an unpleasing way. The male's avatar I can see being sort of smarmy fake aristocratic, but the female's has too many elements that feel thrown in there for matching or general AT aesthetics and not character development. Mostly the heartstring and cincher fall into that category. Seems more like she'd be wearing a fancy bracelet than a watch, though I guess that does add some item continuity with the male. Socks don't seem particularly attractive for a sexy lady, I think replacing both those and the heartstring with some stockings would have been more effective. As I mentioned above, the story felt kind of basic, and more like the beginning of something than a complete piece. I would hardly call walking by one of the creatures an interaction.
TOTAL = 136, 64.8%
iRiddance
Hellions were humanoid creatures that made up a growing minority in the city of Rhinehart. They were half-human, half-demon, and completely deceptive. With their charming looks, they lied and seduced their way through the city's ranks. The woman were renowned succubi while the men cheated their way to the aristocracy.
Hellions are distinctive because of their frail, useless wings and their intricate body tattoos.
Nadine had just warped back to her hometown. Rhinehart was just as sleazy as she remembered. She had landed in the honky tonk district, and she could smell Hellion scourge from a mile away. Those seductresses were nothing more than winged whores, she thought, and those corrupt men are no better. As a sharply dressed male Hellion approached, she began to feel strange. It took everything she had to resist his natural allure. As he passed, she felt herself completely tense up. These Hellions were dangerous creatures, but were only mere annoyances in her life.
As she snapped out of her captivated state, Nadine began to walk, each step taking her towards her destiny...
Marwolfer=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-
__ Amlex's ___ TVee's ____ Mara's
Character:
Ma.... 8.0 _____ 6.0 _______ 8.5-_- = 22.5
Fe..... 8.5 _____ 7.5 _______ 8.5-_- = 24.5
Creativity:
Sp.... 7.0 ______ 7.0 _______ 8.0-_- = 22.0
Cohesiveness:
Ma.... 8.0 ______ 6.5 _______ 8.5-_- = 23.0
Fe..... 7.0 ______ 7.0 _______ 8.0-_- = 22.0
Completeness:
St..... 8.5 ______ 8.0 _______ 9.0-_- = 25.5
Sp.... 9.5 ______ 8.0 _______ 9.0-_- = 25.5
Critical:
-1 Again, the 'animal' vibe is just not really coming across, I was hoping for more animalness
+1 Squirrels. I <3 you. Your description is very well done.
...
+0 Fairly attractive avatars and the story was nice. I don't really like the idea of strappy sandals and little sneakers on these creatures, it feels out of character. Same with the socks.
TOTAL = 165, 78.6%
Marwolfer
Gaaraan
The Gaaraan are a secretive and ancient race of forest dwelling creatures. Humanoid in stature, they have many distinguishing features: golden skin the color of sunlight, sharp black horns (males have 3, females 2), long black lizard-like tails, black bat-like wings, and eyes like golden orbs of light. They are fiercely valiant creatures and incredibly territorial; however, the Gaaraan would rather remain in hiding than seek war in order to preserve their mysterious tradition. They are always associated with the strongest and strangest magic throughout history, though it is said that they have died out long ago...
"description"marwolfer set out from the circus with nothing in her pockets but a handful of coins, her wand, and a withered and wrinkled old map that had once belonged to her master Harbin. She traveled all day until she decided it was time to take a rest in a hollowed out tree trunk.
She awoke refreshed as soon as the first birds sang the next morning. After removing a squirrel from her shoulder, marwolfer climbed out of the tree hole and looked around. Her stomach was starting to growl and she didn't have many coins, but an apple tree grew close by. She had several crisp, juicy apples, pocketed two, then pulled out her map. She was headed west, though she didn't know why. She'd simply started out in a random direction. Unfortunately, she should have looked more closely at her map because now marwolfer realized that she would have to journey through the Zahrah Forest, a place rumored to be as dangerous as it was beautiful. With a sigh, marwolfer decided to follow her instincts on her direction and headed toward the forest.
marwolfer reached the forest before midday and waltzed right on in. Instantly, the sounds of the open fields melted away. The forest was quiet, cool, and undoubtedly beautiful. The sunlight filtered through the trees leaving spots golden and dappled while others spots were shrouded in darkness.There seemed to be no immediate danger, so marwolfer pressed on, warily scanning her way.
That's when she saw it. Two figures moved to her right. Spinning to face the movement, she whipped out her wand and gasped when her eyes found the two creatures. They were unlike anything she had ever seen before: humanoid figures with skin and glowing eyes the color of sunlight, long lizard-like tails and bat-like wings in matching shades of black, and black horns protruding from under short, silky white hair. The female was the smaller of the two, but she was standing in front of the male with her scythe drawn. marwolfer had heard of creatures like this before in myths and bedtime stories. They were called Gaaraan, ancient and powerful creatures full of strange magic. It was commonly believed that they had all died out centuries ago.
Trespasser? she intoned without moving her lips. marwolfer brandished her wand in a silent threat. No. Magician. The female looked back at the male, who nodded once. She lowered her weapon and strolled forward toward marwolfer. marwolfer wanted to move, but she was frozen in place by some unknown magic. However, she did not need to be afraid. The female Gaaraan took marwolfer's head in her hands and kissed her on the forehead. When she pulled back, she was smiling. Sedately, she returned to the male. They took hands and disappeared into the shadows.
Suddenly, marwolfer's head felt as though it was going to split in two where the Gaaraan had kissed her. Crying out in agony, marwolfer felt her forehead burn white hot as her eyesight faded to black. Then there was nothing.
Kuyusi=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-
__ Amlex's ___ TVee's ____ Mara's
Character:
Ma.... 9.5 _____ 7.0 _______ 10.0-_- = 26.5
Fe..... 9.5 _____ 8.0 _______ 10.0-_- = 27.5
Creativity:
Sp.... 10.0 _____ 6.0 _______ 9.0-_- = 25.0
Cohesiveness:
Ma.... 7.0 ______ 7.5 _______ 10.0-_- = 24.5
Fe..... 6.0 ______ 6.5 _______ 10.0-_- = 22.5
Completeness:
St..... 8.0 ______ 7.5 _______ 9.5-_- = 25.0
Sp.... 9.5 ______ 8.0 _______ 9.5-_- = 27.0
Critical:
+2 Just the kind of entry that I was hoping for. The species are very well developed.
+1 for showing the different climates of the species in the avatars - the desert and the forest - rather than just showing the avatars.
+3 Because I really enjoyed the story and the avatars are lovely. No complaints really, I liked this entry a lot.
TOTAL = 184, 87.6%
Kuyusi
Massif // Doue
Species: Vachemaine
Bio: The Vachemaine are a quite but noble race which span the entire continent with their nomadic tribes. They have made many advancements in magic as well as weaponry, as such they are comprised of mostly warriors and mages. Though their tribes number in the hundreds, they have a tightly woven system of communication and inter-tribal travel to maintain alliance as well as share information. Their tribes spread from the heavily forested eastern regions to the arid deserts of the west. The eastern Vachemaine tend to lean toward the study of magic and are fairly peaceful; it is only as you travel west that you will encounter fearsome warrior tribes. Because of the highly magical properties each Vachemaine is born with, they are hunted for their horns and hooves, as well as their unique manifestation (a coming of age ritual, in which a forehead gem is affixed through to the skull, for channeling magic) which are though to retain their magical properties even when removed. As such, the Vachemaine are always on guard, and are slow to trust any outsiders.
The encounter: Adelaide had begun her journey in the direction Friday had indicated, however, as the forest stretched on and on, she began to wonder if Friday had sent her on a chase into nothingness. On her third day, she came upon a clearing filled with strange stones. Adelaide slowly approached one of the larger monoliths and ran her finger along the text therin. She could not read it, but something in her sensed massive power.
"REMOVE YOUR HAND AT ONCE, FOUL HUMAN."
Adelaide started and turned to find herself faced with a most fearsome creature with massive horns and a glare spelling her death. Lightning rained down around them and he raised his sword high, but before he could deliver a blow to the petrified girl, his arm was stopped by a voice from behind.
"Massif, lay down your weapon, I wish to speak with the girl."
Massif's blade remained poised, but he held it steady. He complained, "She has invaded the sacred stones! Doue, she has placed her filthy human fingers on the writings of Vendredi, she must be executed!"
Adelaide's savior Doue approached the two of them, and took Adelaide's face in her hand as she spoke, "Child, what purpose have you in our most sacred of clearings? I sense an aura about you, but I cannot determine whether you be friend or foe or insignificant speck. Speak quickly lest your skull be cloven in two by my eager counterpart."
Adelaide, attempting to conceal a trembling voice replied, "I--if it please you, good lady, I was set on this path by my master, the great witch of the bog, her excellence Friday. I--"
She was cut off as Doue, hoisting her axe, declared, "You need say no more child. Agere, I repeat, lay down your weapon. This creature is no foe of ours, her hands are more sacred than yours or mine will ever be."
Massif, confounded, dropped his sword and shuffled in the gravel produced by his burst of anger-driven magic.
"You are free to travel these lands child, forgive Massif his quickness to anger, he is visiting me from one of our desert tribes, and thus lacks the quiet and careful precision of the forest. Should our Vache-guard find you anywhere on your journey, show them this--" Doue plucked a green gem from her axe, "--and give them the name 'Vendredi'. They will allow you passage through any of our territories. It is an honor to receive an apprentice of the great Friday. We owe much to her and her teachings, any apprentice of hers is Vachemaine in my eyes."
1 hit wonder boy=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-
__ Amlex's ___ TVee's ____ Mara's
Character:
Ma.... 8.0 _____ 6.0 _______ 7.0-_- = 21.0
Fe..... 8.0 _____ 6.0 _______ 7.0-_- = 21.0
Creativity:
Sp.... 8.0 ______ 7.5 _______ 8.0-_- = 23.5
Cohesiveness:
Ma.... 7.0 ______ 8.0 _______ 7.5-_- = 22.5
Fe..... 8.0 ______ 7.0 _______ 7.5-_- = 22.5
Completeness:
St..... 9.0 ______ 6.5 _______ 8.5-_- = 23.0
Sp.... 8.0 ______ 6.0 _______ 7.0-_- = 21.0
Critical:
-1 I think the orange from the socks, especially in the male, make the look just too messy
*** Note, because the last judge had forgot to put the scoring in, I took the average from Mine and TVees.***
...
-3 I felt like the writing was a bit sub-par here. There were a lot of redundancies and weird grammatical errors/quirks. The avatars were a little too similar to each other for my liking here. They felt like almost the exact same thing on different bases. The creature element wasn't fully integrated either - they feel like humans with beak masks. A skin might have helped with this, or perhaps using a different beak.
TOTAL = 150.5, 71.7%
1 hit wonder boy
Yacella
(pronounced Yah-Chel-la)
A race of Bird people who live among the mountains, secluded from the rest of the world. They are masters of weapon forging and the use of those weapons. They supposedly died off 150 years ago, but, because of this, many just push them aside as myth. However, this is not the case. The reason They haven't been seen in 150 years is because no one has been brave, or stupid enough, to enter the mountains they live in.
---------------------------------------------
A few days had passed since Al had left his hometown. He had done some odd jobs, helped some people with farming chores, and saved little kitties from trees. He hadn't made a big name for himself yet, but the name "Wonder boy" had gotten around by word of mouth, something he hoped wouldn't get around. Either way, though, his name was getting around. Well, the time had come where the small bag on his belt was full of gold, and he was running low on potions, food, and a place to sleep. The nearest city, Mountain Ridge, was on the other side of the chain of Mountains called The Sama Mountains, disappeared into the clouds. As he looked up at the mountains, Al pulled a map out of his backpack to inspect what path he should take to get to Mountain Ridge. As he inspected the map, he saw that his Sensei had marked a path around the mountains. Looked like it would take him three day if he took that path. As he further inspected the map, he saw there was a path that went straight through the mountains to the city. Al being the guy who liked the easy way out of things, chose the path straight to the city through the Mountains. With that, Al placed the map back in his pocket and headed up the mountain pass.
As he continued up the mountain, al had a few close calls, coming close to falling off, but he quickly regained his footing, continuing up. When he fit a flatter surface, the sound of bird calls become louder and more prominent. Which was weird. He hadn't seen any signs of birds or any kind of life at all. He had heard stories of the Yacellas who supposedly lived in these mountains but, he was one of the people who didn't believe they were real. This was all about to change for him though. As he walked among the pass, he was surprised when an arrow landed right in front of him. "Wat the?" was all he could get out before another arrow came crashing down. Al pulled out his Naginata as a whole line of them came down towards him.Al started running, each arrow landing a lfew inches behind him as he ran. Who the hell was firing at him? His question was answered when, as he ran, h ended up bumping into a rather large, feathery object. Al fell to the ground and looked up at the thing. It was a Yacellian. "Holy s**t!" he said standing up and putting his Naginata in the read y position. It was a Yacellian. It couldn't be! They weren't real. Sadly, these were the last thoguhts that went through his head. Something hit him hard across the head and he fell to the ground his vision going blury. He looked up to see who it was, seeing a female Yacellian was the one who knocked him unconscious. As he looked at the two of them talking in some strange screeching noise, his vision faded and he slipped out of consciousness.
Al woke up lying on the ground, noticing he was now on the other side of the Sama mountains looking at the city. He slowly stood up from the ground and looked around, noticing the two Yacellians were standing, guardng the way back into the mountains. The Male one threw him a bag and looked at him sternly. "You never saw us. You tell a soul about us, let's just say you'll regret it..." he said looking at him, the female one snickering a little. "And we will be able to know if you do. In that bag is gold. Enough to get yourself cleaned up and to buy a decent meal. Just to make sure you keep up your end of the deal..." he explained flapping his wings a little. "Trust me... I won't tell anyone about you guys." he said a small reassuring smile across his face. "That's what we wanna hear." he said looking at the female one and nodding his head towards Al. The girl lew towards him and handed him a bottle from her pouch. "Here. When you need it most, you'll know.." she said. Flying back towards the male Yacellian. "Well, we most take our leave. Goodbye, Wonder boy..." he said with a laugh the tow of them flying off. "Goodbye. Wait! You know my nickname?" he asked the two of the too far to hear his question. Geez, even the secluded Yacellians knew his dumb nickname. Oh well, at least he got some gold out of his encounter with them. With two pouches of gold and a hop in his step, Al headed to Mountain Ridge to get some food, potions and a place to sleep. Things were starting to look better now. He still didn't know what this potion was, but she said he'd know when he needed it.
A_Homeless_Nobody=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-
__ Amlex's ___ TVee's ____ Mara's
Character:
Ma.... 8.5 _____ 6.5 _______ 6.5-_- = 21.5
Fe..... 8.0 _____ 6.5 _______ 6.0-_- = 20.5
Creativity:
Sp.... 8.0 ______ 7.0 _______ 6.0-_- = 21.0
Cohesiveness:
Ma.... 8.5 ______ 7.0 _______ 6.5-_- = 22.0
Fe..... 5.0 ______ 4.0 _______ 5.5-_- = 14.5
Completeness:
St..... 9.0 ______ 7.0 _______ 6.0-_- = 22.0
Sp.... 8.0 ______ 6.0 _______ 6.0-_- = 20.0
Critical:
+3 for taking some fugly items like the horn and four horsemen to make an avatar that works.
-2 for making the female look so boring. the male matches and everything but then the female just looks so randomly thrown together and unappealing. seems like you spent more time on the battle scene rather than the avatars.
-3 The writing on this had several errors in it that pulled my enjoyment of it down. I also found the center paragraph very hard to read because it was a huge wall of text. Starting a new paragraph when a new person starts to talk would have been a simple fix for this. The male avatar felt a bit too much like it was about wacky layering and colors than creating a cohesive creature. The horn over the other things on the head is especially awkward. Why does he have a flower pin? And he's wearing sneakers. The female one I can't fully assess beyond the dress because it's all I see. It's blinding me to anything else.
TOTAL = 139.5, 66.4%
A_Homeless_Nobody
Corlaith.
A race that has been festering in the swamps for thousands of years. The races origins can be traced to a mad sorcerer who created the first Corlaith, from dying slaves, as minions to send to war against the kingdom that had ostracized him. They outlived their master and migrated to the swamplands. There they have created a culture that can only be described as fascinating. The males are said to be ferocious warriors and the females are fabled to be powerful magic wielders.
Hono wiped the sweat from his brow and pressed forward onto the mushy ground and the unknown, unaware that his actions were being monitored. After a few hours of walking Hono realized that he had no idea where he was. He pulled out his map and attempted to find his location on the parchment. After a few futile moments he frowned and put the map away. As he looked up he noticed a shadowy figure moving towards him. "You do not belong here. Leave the way you came" the figure rasped commandingly.
Hono grinned "Make me. I'm going through this swamp and some washed up old hermit ain't gonna stop me." Hono placed his hand on his sword hilt. The creature raised a sinister looking scythe and pointed it at Hono. "You do not know what we are capable of. You will die a fools death." A chill shot down Hono's spine as he drew his sword, and began to circle his opponent. The creature rushed him with surprising speed,swinging it's scythe vertically at his torso. Hono jumped backwards narrowly avoiding the ferocious swing. The creature was already swinging again, using the added velocity from the last swing to make an even more powerful slice. Hono realized it would be futile to attempt to dodge it, so he charged the creature. As the handle of the scythe collided with Hono's side with a sickening crack Hono's sword was headed straight for the creatures chest when a whip flew from out of nowhere and knocked his sword of course. The momentum carried him past the creature and he fell forward, rolling into a stand, he was forced down onto one knee by the overwhelming pain in his side. He heard the creature swing it's scythe again, Hono fell backwards as the blur flew past above him. he swung his word along the ground towards the things legs, the whip again blocked his attack, Hono rolled to the side and stood hunched and grimacing. He now saw the second creature, a female, standing to the side with a whip in hand and a purple aura around her. Hono charged this new foe, ducking another scythe swing, he swung his sword weakly at the creatures side, the whip was lifted to block his sword, he grinned. Using all the force he could muster he shot his left hand directly at the creatures throat. The creature took the blow, falling backwards, it made an eerie gargling noise and as it's body fell, Hono brought his sword back up and stabbed it where it's heart should be. As the creature fell lifelessly to the ground, the skeleton of a horse appeared behind her and Hono felt an explosion erupt in his head. What had the thing done to him? He collapsed to his knees grabbing his head that felt like it was going to implode. "You fight with much risk. You will not soon recover from that which now afflicts you." Hono screamed in pain as the searing pain seemed to expand and fill every space in hid head. The male creature raised his scythe and swung it again at Hono. "NOO!" Hono shouted and raised his sword just in time to deflect the blade. The force threw him a few feet and he thudded down onto the ground his side re-exploded as he landed on it, adding to the excruciating agony of his head. Still, Hono forced himself upright, determined not to lose, he could not let his master or himself down.Hono charged the creature using what strength he had left to stab at the creature. It felt like de ja vu as the scythe collided with his side again. Thought this time there was no whip to block his blade from plunging deep into the creature, he felt his sword pass all the way through, and then, reaching one arm around the beast and grabbing the top of his sword, he collapsed to the ground, ripping through the creatures flesh as he fell.
It was dark when Hono reawakened from his unconscious state. His head exploded in pain as he opened his eyes, he gingerly felt his side, the pain was nothing compared to that which was in his head. Hono rose, holding a hand to his head as he sheathed his sword. He wanted to scream, but he did not. He doggedly stumbled forward, scarcely aware that he was headed the right direction to exit the swamp.
Quiet Judgments=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-
__ Amlex's ___ TVee's ____ Mara's
Character:
Ma.... 8.5 _____ 8.0 _______ 8.0-_- = 24.5
Fe..... 10.0 ____ 8.0 _______ 8.0-_- = 26.0
Creativity:
Sp.... 7.0 ______ 6.5 _______ 8.0-_- = 21.5
Cohesiveness:
Ma.... 9.0 ______ 9.0 _______ 8.0-_- = 26.0
Fe..... 9.0 ______ 8.0 _______ 8.0-_- = 25.0
Completeness:
St..... 9.0 ______ 7.5 _______ 7.0-_- = 23.5
Sp.... 8.0 ______ 8.0 _______ 7.0-_- = 23.0
Critical:
-1 same thing as Jams... just not really feeling the 'animal'. I mean it matches well...
...
-2 I liked the avatars well enough, but the story had a lot of strange ways of writing things and errors that made it hard to follow. Not to mention the last 3/4 was one big chunk in tiny text, making it a bit hard to read.
TOTAL = 166.5, 79.3%
Quiet Judgements
Vampemyres
Vampemyres are beings from the 3rd of the 12 circles of hades. The third circle is the circle of anger, which is always associated with the element of fire. These creatures are of high intelligence and are mostly humanoid aside from their tail, horns, skin color and razor sharp teeth. Aside from the demon lord of the third circle these creatures are in command of all inhabitants of the land and set the rules and regulations to be followed. Coming in contact with one of these creatures could be a blessing or a curse.
It was a hot scorching afternoon as Jude Ments trudged through the desert sands, of the 3rd circle. This arid area is lamed after the fire lord himself called, Leo Desert. Leo is the demon lord of fire and sole ruler of the 3rd circle. Leo doesn't tolerate well with people of other circles in his territory. Therefore he sent his minions upon to investigate and inspect the reasoning behind Jude's "intrusion".
Young Jude's boots sank deep into the sands as he walk forth looking for the pillar of fire to ask for teachings from the fire lord himself. But shortly after nightfall, Jude's journey was interrupted by two mysterious creatures. "Halt! Who dare enters the terrain of the all powerful fire lord?" one of the creatures asked in a seductive yet sharp tone. Jude squinted his eyes to see the two figures that were before him but it was too dark to notice there shapes. He slowly moved his hand to his sword wary that they might attack without reason. "I've come to ask the fire lord a favor, I don't see why it is of any of your concern." He spoke calmly to show no fright nor anger towards his shadowed interrogators. The bigger of the two shadows stepped forward, making Jude take a defensive stance, this one had a much deeper tone than the first and spoke with authority and strength "Why would you need a favor from our lord, why could you not ask one of your own in your own circle?" Jude loosened his grip just a bit to answer the shadowed figure "My lord told me to ask for a favor from the masters of all eleven outer circles, and that I shan't divulge this information unto just anyone. Whom may I ask are you and why are you questioning my intentions?" The two figures stepped forward to reveal themselves using the moon light to unveil the shadows that covered their bodies. Jude noticed that is was a male and female that came forward clad in dark colors which blending in with the night sky. "We are the lord's right hand men and were sent to find out what an outsider would be doing in our lands," the man said eying Jude with his red eyes. The woman stepped forward next to the man, "We own these lands therefore we have every right to ask what your purpose is here." Jude nodded and let out a sigh, tightening his grip upon his sword, "I am Jude Ments and I've been sent here from my Master of the fifth circle to ask favors of all the lords of each circle. And you are here to stop me then I have no other choice but to take your lives in the process."
The woman stepped back outside the light to once again hide in the shadows of the night, "You dare threaten us? You dare try to fight to of the strongest vampemyres in all of the third circle, especially in their element and at night? How foolish you are child... you shall not see the demon lord because you will die here." In saying that she dashed across the sands with her fangs bared and tail whipping in the night sky. "Ailuna cease this once!" the man said quickly halting the woman in her tracks with some unseen force. Jude had his sword out and was pointed straight at the woman's heart. "This boy seems to be a skilled swordsman, a foolish rush would have been the end of you Ailuna. Do not let your temper get the best of you." he said releasing Ailuna from his hold he then turned to Jude, "I am sorry for my sisters actions, she can be somewhat of a hothead. I am Barthanious and we now know you are the one the deadly strike master has told us about. Please if you will sheath your sword and follow us. We will assist you on your journey to the lord of fire."
three feet under
