This quest begins at a quaint ranch on the outskirts of a small but industrious port town. You have grown up as an orphan under the tutelage of a seasoned, world-renown veteran. Many years of training, lessons, cleaning the chicken coop have brought you to this moment. You are now at the point where you are ready to spread your wings and embark on a journey to make a name for yourself…
The Specifics:
1. Create a look for your character. You have to use the weapon/relic on the front page.
2. Create a look for your teacher/sensei/master.
3. Write a paragraph or two detailing the final lesson and/or the departure.
** No Dream Free. Lets get some legit Gaia layering here. Tekteks are allowed.
** Entries due Friday, July 24th. Before midnight. I am on the west coast. ;D
Fried Salad
Master ------------------------------- Apprentice
Seth was... different from all the other kids at his all-boys school. While they would go play handball and tag, Seth would practice casting spells.
"STUPID LOSER! Magic doesn't exist!!" the kids would say, but Seth wouldn't believe it. Why was his father an expert Magician then, huh? It was silly, Seth thought. Magic DID exist.
One day, a mysterious women came to him. "Hello; my name is Miss Mary Ann. I have a deal to make with you."
Seth nodded. Her skin was as black as midnight, her ears pointed and she was pretty in pink; just like him. Seth loved pink, but he didn't know why. It was nice to find someone to relate to.
"I want to teach you how to use your powers." Seth's eyes brightened up. "Really?! You're a wizard, too?" he said, a smile slowly creeping up on his face.
"Yes, I'm a sorceress. Now come... oh, and one thing." she said while her eyes glowered red for a split second.
"You must abandon this world."
"... Okay." His parents didn't like him anyway, so it wasn't a big deal.
Over the years, they trained. He struggled with his powers but grew to like and learn from them.
One day, when Seth was 15, she came to him.
"It's time." She said.
_________ Amlex's ____ Squash's ____ Tomo's
Character:
Avatar 1.... 7.00 ______ 6.75 _______ 4.30-_- = 18.00
Avatar 2.... 7.00 ______ 7.75 _______ 3.50-_- = 18.25
Creativity:
Avatar 1.... 6.00 ______ 8.50 _______ 6.20-_- = 20.70
Avatar 2.... 7.00 ______ 8.75 _______ 3.90-_- = 19.65
Cohesiveness:
Avatar 1.... 6.00 ______ 9.25 _______ 5.40-_- = 20.65
Avatar 2.... 5.00 ______ 5.25 _______ 4.50-_- = 14.75
Completeness:
Overall ..... 8.00 ______ 7.70 _______ 5.30-_- = 21.00
Critical:
+1 for the awkward pink colors.
-2 for the apprentice looking better than the master.
Comments:
The look was a little bit kooky, and there was a lot going on that I didn't like.
I don't see how the story goes with the models. You seem to be relaying more on the stuff to relate to the story. The models are very newbish style which I'm sad to see, for I have seen much better models from you. The gold in the master isn't balanced well not is the black and white. The student layering is very sloppy it looks like you just tossed a bunch of clothes on.
TOTAL = 132.00, 62.9%
Jamais Changeant
Jam stood before the powerful mage with a concentrated look on her face. The mage sat before her looking like night had taken into form. It took everything Jam had not to cry out angrily, but she managed control, knowing the consequences would be dire.
The mage sat quietly for a moment longer before an eerie voice came from different corners of the room. This was the voice of the woman who sat before Jam. It entranced Jam and, despite her inner anger, it calmed her. "There is no more that I can teach you at this time. Life is the next experience that you must undertake. I will hear no more of your objections."
Though this sounded like the bottom line Jam would certainly not go down without a fight. "But Mistress! I have barely even begun to control my powers. I need your continued guidance to..."
Her words were cut short when the woman before her raised a hand. "The mark is upon you my dear," she stated, referring to the mark upon Jam's forehead that indicated that her power was growing; "I can only help you so much. You must learn to control this power that you hold through experience not through any lessons that I can give." Jam couldn't tell but she thought she saw the woman before her smile. "You have great power and great skill. In time I will be the one coming to you for guidance. For now I wish you the best of luck in your travels."
Jam was awed. Could she really become that powerful. She fingered the hilt of her dagger nervously. She had learned to use this dagger as a channel for her power. Her Mistress had insisted that having a object for channeling allowed greater control. Jam had chosen the dagger for it's double usage as a channel and a weapon, whereas her Mistress used only a staff. Could Jam become stronger than this powerful being? Either way she knew that there was no way to change the mage's mind. She bowed her head slightly; "I will not disappoint you Mistress." She stated in the strongest voice that she could muster.
With that she turned and left the castle that housed some of the most powerful mages known to man. Her journey was just beginning, but she hoped that someday she would return to this castle as an equal.
_________ Amlex's ____ Squash's ____ Tomo's
Character:
Avatar 1.... 9.00 ______ 8.50 _______ 7.00-_- = 24.50
Avatar 2.... 8.50 ______ 9.00 _______ 8.80-_- = 26.30
Creativity:
Avatar 1.... 9.00 ______ 8.00 _______ 8.40-_- = 25.40
Avatar 2.... 7.00 ______ 7.50 _______ 9.30-_- = 23.80
Cohesiveness:
Avatar 1.... 7.00 ______ 9.50 _______ 8.40-_- = 24.90
Avatar 2.... 8.00 ______ 9.75 _______ 8.90-_- = 26.65
Completeness:
Overall ..... 9.00 ______ 8.70 _______ 9.40-_- = 27.10
Critical:
+3 for an awesome story.
Comments:
The apprentice avatar took me a while to get used to. That hair looked horrid at first but it worked itself out.
Both of the models work very well with one another and with the story. Only a few things bother me, on the student bottom haft looks out of place, it could be either due to the danger or the warmers/socks combo. The master is hand down the best I have ever seen from you, I love how you took the time make her look like the description int he story for she really does look like night is taking form in front of my eyes. But the only that kind of bugged me but it really didn't matter was the purple you had under the Gothic veil is an off shade from the rest of the purples.
TOTAL = 181.65, 86.5%
Last of 9
The Fan Mage Kozu & His Son Yoy
(pronouced like Joy but with a Y )
The day had finally come when father and son must part ways, but very few had to do it in such conditions. Yoy had always been a playful kid who never wanted to face his family's problems, but now it was time to face the truth. His father was dying, slowly his soul was being consumed by the demon power in the fan that had cursed their family for generations. In exchange for his soul Kozu was granted untold command over spirits granting him powers beyond physical limitations. Now he must pass those powers on to his only son as he fades into the darkness that consumed him.
Yoy was in tears, both father and son adverted their gaze, neither wished to see the other in this state.
Kuu, Yoy's playful little coon, rushed up Yoy's shoulder to offer Kozu his greatest possession. A small hollowed wheat grass that was still green. Kozu reached out his charcoal hand and grinned one last time before finally saying his last words to his son. "You take the fan now, and lift our family of this curse once and for all. I believe in you son." He then fell into ash.
_________ Amlex's ____ Squash's ____ Tomo's
Character:
Avatar 1.... 8.00 ______ 7.75 _______ 4.30-_- = 20.05
Avatar 2.... 9.00 ______ 8.00 _______ 3.40-_- = 20.40
Creativity:
Avatar 1.... 9.00 ______ 9.50 _______ 3.00-_- = 21.50
Avatar 2.... 9.00 ______ 8.00 _______ 3.00-_- = 20.00
Cohesiveness:
Avatar 1.... 6.00 ______10.00_______ 4.40-_- = 20.40
Avatar 2.... 8.00 ______ 9.50 _______ 2.30-_- = 19.80
Completeness:
Overall ..... 10.00______ 8.79 _______ 4.50-_- = 23.29
Critical:
+5 for making me feel sad about a pixelated avatar.
Comments:
So creative. I love the story behind this, it add a whole other depth to the look. The father avatar could have been a little better crafted though...
Nice story but remember this is an avi contest too, and the models are lacking...a lot. There is no flow or balance with either of them, the colors are everywhere and not matching what so. I'm not impressed nor pleased with this father and son pair.
TOTAL = 150.44, 71.6%
TootsieFruity
student--master
story
Min was born into a family of weavers and to being born into such a family meant being born a weaver. Life was not well, as Min grew up, she and her family noticed her lack of skill in embroidering and the works. She was clumsy, made big, sloppy stitches, and pricked herself quite often. As a last ditch effort, her parents sent her of the best seamstress in town, Mistress Chui.
Mistress Chui no longer worked but taught. Although, old, she was wise and graceful; walking with the poise of a young lady. She had an all-knowing smile which she wore wherever she went. At their first meeting, Min greeted Mistress Chui and in response Mistress Chui took Min’s hands and held them up for inspection. “These hands aren’t made for embroidering”, she said which shocked Min. What would she tell her parents? “But, Mistress Chui stated, smiling, these are hands made for fighting.”
Through the years they trained hard, Min became an excellent fighter in a strain of karate that focused on kicks. Mistress Chui had taught her everything there was to know and more but there was one last thing, one final task that needed to be done. Min needed a weapon.
Mistress Chui had a pair of special gloves, one that held needles between her knuckles and with these she would manipulate twine and strings to bind her opponent and force them into submission. She thought it would be appropriate for Min to have a weapon similar to her class. She asked Min to make a whip woven from the finest silks. Min thought it was impossible. She could barely stitch or sew!
Miraculously, after many sleepless nights with help, she had managed to make one. There were many cuts all over her hands and arms which she hid with bandages. It was softer than sheep’s wool but tougher than steel. She presented it to Mistress Chui who simply smiled and whispered, “You’ve passed.”
story
Min was born into a family of weavers and to being born into such a family meant being born a weaver. Life was not well, as Min grew up, she and her family noticed her lack of skill in embroidering and the works. She was clumsy, made big, sloppy stitches, and pricked herself quite often. As a last ditch effort, her parents sent her of the best seamstress in town, Mistress Chui.
Mistress Chui no longer worked but taught. Although, old, she was wise and graceful; walking with the poise of a young lady. She had an all-knowing smile which she wore wherever she went. At their first meeting, Min greeted Mistress Chui and in response Mistress Chui took Min’s hands and held them up for inspection. “These hands aren’t made for embroidering”, she said which shocked Min. What would she tell her parents? “But, Mistress Chui stated, smiling, these are hands made for fighting.”
Through the years they trained hard, Min became an excellent fighter in a strain of karate that focused on kicks. Mistress Chui had taught her everything there was to know and more but there was one last thing, one final task that needed to be done. Min needed a weapon.
Mistress Chui had a pair of special gloves, one that held needles between her knuckles and with these she would manipulate twine and strings to bind her opponent and force them into submission. She thought it would be appropriate for Min to have a weapon similar to her class. She asked Min to make a whip woven from the finest silks. Min thought it was impossible. She could barely stitch or sew!
Miraculously, after many sleepless nights with help, she had managed to make one. There were many cuts all over her hands and arms which she hid with bandages. It was softer than sheep’s wool but tougher than steel. She presented it to Mistress Chui who simply smiled and whispered, “You’ve passed.”
_________ Amlex's ____ Squash's ____ Tomo's
Character:
Avatar 1.... 6.00 ______ 6.50 _______ 2.00-_- = 14.50
Avatar 2.... 7.00 ______ 6.00 _______ 2.30-_- = 15.30
Creativity:
Avatar 1.... 4.00 ______ 4.00 _______ 1.40-_- = 09.40
Avatar 2.... 7.00 ______ 4.25 _______ 2.00-_- = 13.25
Cohesiveness:
Avatar 1.... 4.00 ______ 5.00 _______ 2.30-_- = 11.30
Avatar 2.... 4.00 ______ 5.00 _______ 2.10-_- = 11.10
Completeness:
Overall ..... 7.00 ______ 5.13 _______ 3.00-_- = 15.13
Critical:
-1 for slightly confusing me.
Comments:
You need to pick it up. There was some potential here but nothing more. The teacher could have been so cool and suave, and there was a WIP of the student that you did was way better.
Why would you spend more time on the story then on the avis, last time I check this what an avi contest not rpg story writing contest. This models are completely newbish styles, it shows that you put not time into them. Theres no balance,flow nor matching with either one of these models.
TOTAL = 88.98, 42.4%
iRiddance
Nadine walked slowly to her master's new hut. Both of them possessed "dual-citizenship" as natives of the bustling city of Rinehart and as the newfound shamans of Central America. Being a mage definitely had its perks ; the serene, natural land of the Aztecs was a nice departure from the grimy streets of Rinehart. As she entered, she found her master deep in meditation. Janeth's eyes immediately opened upon the door's close.
"You've come a long way, my little Nadine. I knew there was something special about you when I took you under my wing. Your progress has surpassed all of my wildest expectations. I still can't believe you can shift between dimensions already! I couldn't even do that until my 201st birthday!" Her master's compliments pleased Nadine, but her stoic appearance told otherwise. "Master, when can I put my magic to better use? I want to be able to help others. I'm tired of playing dress-up in this world that we've come to." Her wise teacher simply smiled. "My child, I have but one final test for you. You recall our lesson on genesis, yes?" "But of course!" she replied. To her, creation magic was always the most interesting. Unfortunately, it was also one of the more difficult branches of magic. "Well then, I want you to create something for me. Hold out your hand, remember the lesson, and reap the fruits of your labor!"
Nadine thought back to that day. It was a month ago, at the beginning of their "vacation" in the Aztec heartland. As a prezent to King Moctezuma, Janeth had planned to give him something to remember them by. Thin strips of fire began swirling around her, endlessly twirling until they raced around her wrist and eventually died out, leaving behind a turquoise bracelet. Right after that, her student attempted the same spell, only to have her hand burnt by the flames.
She finally felt ready. After all this time, nothing would stop her now. The student concentrated all her magic to her hand and created that same fire. It encircled her entire being. She continuously heard her teacher's words repeat in her head as she closed her eyes: fruits... labor... The flames stopped. She looked up to see her teacher grinning. She realized the sudden addition of weight to her hand and found a radiant fruit hanging from a short stem. It seemed almost immaculate. "Your training is finished!" As the accomplished pupil heard these words, she new deep inside that her journey had just begun.
_________ Amlex's ____ Squash's ____ Tomo's
Character:
Avatar 1.... 9.00 ______ 9.50 _______ 6.90-_- = 25.40
Avatar 2.... 10.00 _____10.00 ______ 7.30-_- = 27.30
Creativity:
Avatar 1.... 9.00 ______ 9.00 _______ 7.80-_- = 25.80
Avatar 2.... 9.00 ______ 9.50 _______ 8.50-_- = 27.00
Cohesiveness:
Avatar 1.... 9.00 ______ 10.00 ______ 7.50-_- = 26.50
Avatar 2.... 10.00 _____ 10.00 ______ 6.40-_- = 26.40
Completeness:
Overall ..... 9.00 ______ 9.67 _______ 7.10-_- = 25.77
Critical:
+2 for a heart-warming feel to the face of the apprentice.
Comments:
LOVE <3 <3 Favorite by far. I expect great things from you.
Thank you god, you have put time in both the models and story. Though you didn't keep to the rule about gaia layering, for you cant have a bracelet and arm cuff on at the same time and you did it on both models. The flow on the student is off, the middle is to cluttered to keep in moving and the ankles color are the wrong shade of orange.
TOTAL = 186.17, 88.7%
Marwolfer
I took a deep breath, fingering my delicate wand. It was mostly for show, but my nerves calmed when I felt the highly decorated, bumpy piece of blue coral beneath my fingertips. A heavy hand laid gently on my shoulder as I felt a presence right behind me.
"You'll do great, mar," the deep voice of my teacher and confidant murmured in my ear, barely audible over the low roar of the crowd just beyond the curtained archway.
I had been taken under the tutelage of the infamous Cirque du Magique owner, Harbin. The caravan had been visiting my village when he saw me playing in my front yard, making rocks and leaves float all around me. The next thing I knew, I had been tattooed and the fearsome owner was teaching me to control and channel my magic into useful traits. I flourished in entertainment magic: conjuring, transfiguring, and causing overall wonder. I learned defensive magic as well to help protect the wagons.
I had been performing in front of audiences since I was thirteen, but I was never alone. Most often, I would assist Harbin in his own feats and tricks. His style was much more rudimentary than mine; I preferred pomp and flash while Harbin liked the old tricks. Tonight, though, I had earned my own act. I had been given a ten minute time slight to do as I pleased, all alone. I was both nervous and exhilarated that Harbin would entrust me so.
Taking a deep breath, I took his words of encouragement to heart and stepped out into the light.
The crowd was awed as I made animals appear out of thin air, even a tiger that roared loud enough to shake the walls of the tent. A few people even threw coins as I bowed, which I hastily pocketed before prancing into the back. Harbin was beaming as much as his scarred face could. He took me by my shoulders, his little dragon companion purring, and looked me dead in the eye.
"You're ready to head out on your own, little marwolfer. I have nothing left to teach you."
_________ Amlex's ____ Squash's ____ Tomo's
Character:
Avatar 1.... 10.00 _____ 8.25 _______ 4.00-_- = 22.25
Avatar 2.... 8.00 ______ 7.25 _______ 4.00-_- = 19.25
Creativity:
Avatar 1.... 8.00 ______ 7.00 _______ 3.80-_- = 18.80
Avatar 2.... 7.00 ______ 6.50 _______ 4.20-_- = 17.70
Cohesiveness:
Avatar 1.... 7.00 ______ 8.50 _______ 4.03-_- = 19.53
Avatar 2.... 7.00 ______ 8.50 _______ 4.09-_- = 19.59
Completeness:
Overall ..... 8.00 ______ 7.67 _______ 5.10-_- = 20.77
Critical:
-2 for a boring master color scheme
Comments:
Cool idea. The story portion was very entertaining to read, and the avatars weren't bad. They were not amazing... about upper-middle of the group.
You didn't follow the rule about using gaia layering, for you can't layer the tavern thing over the dashing vest like that for you can't have them on at the same time, I have tried that and you can't. Theres no flow with your student for you have items just tossed everywhere on it. The color is off balance for the student. The mast has the same problems, but what bugged me the most is that you used a set, it wouldn't been a problem if you didn't have the set stick out like a sore thumb.
TOTAL = 135.89, 64.7%
Kuyusi
Friday / Adelaide
Adelaide's strange talents left her wanting for a home when she was orphaned in the middle of town square before she cut her first tooth. None in the village would take her; in fact, they would have killed her were they not all cowering in their homes waiting for her to catch cold and rid them all of her foreign and magical presence.
But upon her sudden disappearance in the night, the reclusive voodoo witch (known only as 'Friday') was rumored to have surfaced to take in the child as an apprentice. Though, they were only rumors, as none had the courage to venture near THAT part of the woods (not after the incident.) Of course, it could have been wolves. Yes, yes it was definitely wolves that took the child. Must have been. Mustn't it?
---
It was 17 years to the day, that Friday had taken in the strange floating orphan. Adelaide emerged from the twin doors covered from head to toe in the ceremonial trappings Friday had insisted upon. She was eager to begin her journey, but Friday, in her dotage, deserved patience from Adelaide.
Friday reached out to Adelaide and lifted the lantern-like cage out of her grip. Her gnarled hands grasped the bars, and she spoke in her broken way, "This, my child, your vessel...it is essential you hide its true purpose from those who would act against you. And they will act against you, if they find you out. You are sweet. I have taught you to hide your talents, and with cunning, you may manage to persuade affection and love from your enemies.
Because of what you are, you need that smile. Your charm is what will keep you hidden, and when they least suspect...
You know your task child; what you must do to fill this vessel and fulfill your purpose."
The old woman beckoned Adelaide to bend to her. As she stooped, Friday touched her forehead with her lips, and turned away from her.
"May you not be plagued by sentiment and useless feelings.
Go."
_________ Amlex's ____ Squash's ____ Tomo's
Character:
Avatar 1.... 10.00 _____ 10.00 ______ 9.70-_- = 29.70
Avatar 2.... 8.00 ______ 8.50 _______ 9.80-_- = 26.30
Creativity:
Avatar 1.... 9.00 ______ 10.00 ______ 10.00-_- = 29.00
Avatar 2.... 10.00 _____ 8.75 _______ 10.00-_- = 28.75
Cohesiveness:
Avatar 1.... 7.00 ______ 10.00______ 9.40-_- = 26.40
Avatar 2.... 9.00 ______ 9.25 _______ 8.90-_- = 27.15
Completeness:
Overall ..... 8.00 ______ 9.42 _______ 9.92-_- = 27.34
Critical:
-1 for naming a character Friday.
+1 because I'm totally kidding.
+2 for making the witch badass.
Comments:
I am wondering what 'that incident' was... captivating story and very good matching. One of my favorites this round.
simply wow. This is the best I have seen this whole round, it shows that you put time into both the models. The only thing that bothers me is theh sock on the master other then that their both wonderful.
TOTAL = 196.64, 93.6%
King of Ninjas
____________Apprentice ________________________Adept
"You have learned all I have to teach you. I have seen you grow from a scared young orphan into a proud and noble fighter. I swore to your father, as he lay dying on the battlefield that I would protect you and train you. You have his eyes, speed, his strength. Now, as a final gift, you have his armour too. I pray that it serve you as well as it served him all those years. It is time for you to step out into the world."
_________ Amlex's ____ Squash's ____ Tomo's
Character:
Avatar 1.... 7.00 ______ 8.50 _______ 3.00-_- = 18.50
Avatar 2.... 7.00 ______ 5.00 _______ 2.00-_- = 14.00
Creativity:
Avatar 1.... 6.00 ______ 9.00 _______ 2.00-_- = 17.00
Avatar 2.... 6.00 ______ 3.00 _______ 1.00-_- = 10.00
Cohesiveness:
Avatar 1.... 7.00 ______ 7.50 _______ 3.00-_- = 17.50
Avatar 2.... 7.00 ______ 7.50 _______ 3.00-_- = 17.50
Completeness:
Overall ..... 3.00 ______ 6.75 _______ 3.00-_- = 12.75
Critical:
-2 for making the adpet boring.
-2 because the apprentice looks more powerful than the adept.
Comments:
a disappointing entry. The story was 'bleh'/generic and there was no development of the characters in it. Avatars kinda plain.
Why?! Both of them are completely uncreative and very newbish, and the large pictures do not help them what so ever.
TOTAL = 103.25, 49.2%
1 hit wonder boy
Allister was out in the field, doing his normal chores. He never saw how these kind of chores were suppose to help with his training, but Master Oorlog said it taught him discipline or something. Whatever, he knew it was just because Master Oorlog was just lazy. Master Oorlog was actually a mysterious man. Well, that was actually Ironic. Everyone knew he was. He was Red Oorlog, The Savior of the Great War that happened five years ago. The same one that took Al's mother and father. His Mother was killed when the enemy raided their town. Al and his father were out tending the sheep a few miles away. He ran home when he saw the smoke coming from the town. After this his father joined the war along side his good friend, Master Oorlog. Master Oorlog was the greatest swordsmen and general, his father the greats spear men in the army. They both led a raid through the capital city of the enemy empire, straight to the emperor's doorstep. The two of them fought the emperor, his father dying valiantly, Leaving Oorlog to become their Empire's savior. However, Oorlog did not let it go to his head. He still stayed humble, claiming that if it wasn't for al's father, he wouldn't have been able to defeat the emperor. They offered to give him the offer of being the King's right hand man, but he declined it, saying that ruling wasn't his style. After this, Master Oorlog adopted Al, and trained him in the ways of combat, Al choosing the Spear like his father.
But enough with dwelling on the past, today was the day of his final lesson. The day he would finally be able to embark on his own journey. Allister finished up his work in the field and headed out back to the barn to put up the tools and to clean himself up. "You done with the field work, yet?" Al heard his Master say from behind him. "Just about. All that's left is to clean up and get ready for my lesson..." he said, looking back at his master, washing his hands off with a wet cloth. "Good. Just remember what I told you, it seems to be the only thing you can't grasp. Every part of you is a weapon. Once you grasp that, you'll have passed my class." he said, leaving the barn. Allister didn't get it. He always did what he said. Used every part of him as a weapon. What was he missing. Hopefully Master Oorlog would give him a hint. al quickly headed up to his room and prepared for the lesson. Placing the chestplate on and wrapping his mother's Rosary around his hand. The only thing he had to remember her.
Allister headed down to the training room, Master Oorlog already waiting for him. "You ready?" he asked Al, Al answer him with a cocky smile. "Bring it old man!" he joked, his Naginata in the ready position. Oorlog unsheathed one sword, running towards Al. Al placed his spear in the defense position blocking Oorlogs attack and pushing him back. For the first five minutes, Al was nothing but defensive. Waiting for Oorlog to take out his second sword. "You're getting better at defense. Why don't you actually attack for once though?" Master Oorlog asked Al, Unsheathing his second sword. Al gave him his usual cocky smile and came running towards the man, Oorlog dodging the attack by jumping over Al and landing behind him, his swords slashing towards his back. Al, placed the spear behind him, blocking his attack once again and pushing him back. "You're still not using every part of you as a weapon." he said as Al, lunged at him again. Master Oorlog grabbed the spear and pulled Al closer to where they were face to face. "Nice necklace you have there. Your mother's right?" he said, dropping the hint. Al understood now. But how. Oorlog pushed him away to where they were both on separate sides of the room. Oorlog stuck one sword out infront of him and charged towards the boy. His sword ready to stab. Al watched him charged. What was he suppose to do. Al looked down at the necklace. That's when Al got the idea. As Master Oorlog got closer, he unraveled the necklace around his hand and threw it towards the sword, the necklace wrapping around it. Al jumped over him and plled on the necklace, yanking the sword right out of his hand. As soon as he landed he placed the spear towards his master's back, holding the sword in his other hand. "You're outmatched..." Al said as his Master turned to face him. Oorlog just clapped a smile across his face. "Good job. I have nothing more to teach you..." he said, as Al threw his sword back to him. "You're gonna do wonders, kid. That's why I send you off with the name. Al, the Wonder boy." he said with a laugh. Al didn't like the name, but since his Master had given him the nickname, he wore it with pride.
The next day, Al had all his belonging on his back, saying his goodbyes to his friends. When he was done he saw Master Oorlog walking up towards him. "You take care, Wonder boy." he said, giving him a hug. "Thanks..." Al, said, pulling away. "Remember your training, and never forget that you'll always be welcomed here..." he said, removing his hand from Al's shoulder. "Looks like you'll have to find another kid to train. That way you'll have someone to take care of your fields for you..." he joked, his Master joining in with the laughter. "Indeed I will..." he said, still chuckling a little. After everone had said their goodbyes, Al headed out on the road. This Wonder boy was ready to make a name for himself. Other than the one given to him by his Master.
_________ Amlex's ____ Squash's ____ Tomo's
Character:
Avatar 1.... 8.00 ______ 9.00 _______ 5.60-_- = 22.60
Avatar 2.... 9.00 ______ 8.75 _______ 6.30-_- = 24.05
Creativity:
Avatar 1.... 6.00 ______ 8.00 _______ 4.80-_- = 18.80
Avatar 2.... 8.00 ______ 8.00 _______ 5.60-_- = 21.60
Cohesiveness:
Avatar 1.... 6.00 ______ 9.75 _______ 6.00-_- = 21.75
Avatar 2.... 8.00 ______ 9.50 _______ 6.30-_- = 23.80
Completeness:
Overall ..... 10.00 _____ 8.83 _______ 6.30-_- = 25.13
Critical:
-5 for making me read that. D<
+4 because it helped everything make sense. lol
Comments:
awesome face on the instructor guy, his character seems to be quite fine. Other than that, the charcters were a little generic.
Layering!! God does no one read the rules, both shirts are not layering that gaia would allow, also the arms can be done like that either, not sure on the belt but I'm pretty sure its a no. Other then it being kind of a given theme that most people think of when it comes to master and student, its alright
TOTAL = 156.75, 74.6%
A_Homeless_Nobody
Apprentice (Hono) ------ Master
"Bwahahaha, little Hono?" The booming laugh seemed to fill the empty space that the client had left in the mercenaries abode. "I'm not weak you know!" Hono shouted back angrily at his master "I can handle myself perfectly fine on my own!" Hono raised his chin and crossed his arms "After all, I am the last survivor of the Iaido clan." He said flexing his biceps and puffing his chest up. "I am sorry, It is just amusing that today you have been personally requested for a mission, when just yesterday you were incapable of completing you're training because you stubbed you're toe on an 'unbreakable' root! Bwahaha" Hono flustered and his cheeks began turning red "That root came out of nowhere! And I would have had you if that stupid thing didn't break my toes!" The master chuckled and stared fondly at Hono "No, I do not doubt that you can take care of you're self. Today, the chick ventures out of the nest." Hono couldn't help but smile with glee "I'm so excited. I can't wait to prove myself to you!" Hono grabbed the contract and ran from the room in a flurried excitement.
"Hahaha, Bazba the cruel, more like Bazba the fool!" Hono joyfully exclaimed to his master "His stench was more dangerous than his blade!" The master smiled "You have made me proud today, Hono." The master's smile faded and was replaced with a serious, grim face. "Hono, I think it is time you leave this old man." The shock hit Hono harder than any blow he had ever received in his bouts with his master. "But.. But, I've only just begun to prove to you what I can do." The master turned away from Hono "You have done more than prove you're self, today the chick spread it's wings and flew. Hono, it is not easy for either of us, but today it is time for a new bird to fly from it's nest and find what the wind holds for it." The lump that had slowly been creeping up Hono's throat caught and he tried to reply to his master as his eyes clouded. No sound came from his open mouth. The master turned and faced Hono "Go Hono, Make an old man proud. I want to hear the bards sing of you're glorious deeds!" The master grinned widely "Oh, watch out for roots." Hono couldn't help but laugh "Master, I will do everything in my power to make you proud. You taught me, raised me, and loved me. I will not let you down." Hono turned and walked a few paces towards his room. "Just watch out next time we meet, I'll be much stronger." Hono grinned and gave his master a thumbs-up, then turned and entered his room. "Yes, I'm sure you will be..." The master said softly as a tear ran down his cheek.
_________ Amlex's ____ Squash's ____ Tomo's
Character:
Avatar 1.... 7.00 ______ 8.75 _______ 4.30-_- = 20.05
Avatar 2.... 10.00 _____ 9.00 _______ 4.30-_- = 23.30
Creativity:
Avatar 1.... 7.00 ______ 7.75 _______ 3.00-_- = 17.75
Avatar 2.... 8.00 ______ 8.00 _______ 3.00-_- = 19.00
Cohesiveness:
Avatar 1.... 6.00 ______ 9.00 _______ 4.00-_- = 19.00
Avatar 2.... 7.00 ______ 8.75 _______ 4.00-_- = 19.75
Completeness:
Overall ..... 7.00 ______ 8.54 _______ 4.60-_- = 20.14
Critical:
+1 for adding humor
Comments:
The look is a little messy, but in the end I think they turned out all right, I like the gruff master.
......where to start. fores off the layering is not gaia layering on neither, the master's face, and the student's arms and lower half. The flow and balance is off, and it seems you forgot the matching part on the master. It shows that you tried somewhat on the student to match but stopped only half way.
TOTAL = 139.99, 66.7%
Quiet Judgements
"Master?" a young boy said, walking into the dark corridor leading to his master's study. Walking cautiously through the hallway the lights flickered from the doorways and passageways protruding from the hallway, reaching the doorway of his master's study the young man knocked. The door crept open, the void of darkness blinded the young man, but he continued to walk inside. The door slammed shut behind the young man, making him jump and turn to see what had happened. Now completely pitched in black a voice called out to him echoing throughout the room, "Young Jude Ments what has brought you here to my place of work?" The voice was deep with authority but there was a hint of kindness to his words.
"Master, I was told you needed to speak with me about my training." Jude's voice cracked with worry and excitement.
"Yes... your training"
"Sir, I've been your student for a while now. I think I have proven my dedication and worth to you. I am ready to learn what's next"
"I see. Then you're in need of other teachers"
"What?!?" was all Jude could blurt out. Tears welled up in his eyes, he couldn't believe what he was hearing. Why would his master want to abandon him. "Master...why?"
"You have learned all you could from me. Your journey to mastery starts now." The lights brightened as the words left the master's mouth, illuminating both the student and master where they stand. The master turned to look at his student through his steel mask. "You have mastered everything that I have taught you, now it is time for you to use those skills and go out into the world. I have colleagues and friends out there that would love to teach you skills as well. Seek them out and you will soon become a master, stronger than this old man that stands before you."
Jude was having a hard time absorbing all that was happening to him. He felt week, heart heavy with sadness, mind filled with questions, but he couldn't muster the strength to speak. The master put his hands oh Jude's shoulders and embraced him. "Go out, become something you've always wanted to be."
Jude nodded his head, pushing himself from his master he turned and left without saying goodbye. Leaving the master by himself. "Farewell my son."
"Master, I was told you needed to speak with me about my training." Jude's voice cracked with worry and excitement.
"Yes... your training"
"Sir, I've been your student for a while now. I think I have proven my dedication and worth to you. I am ready to learn what's next"
"I see. Then you're in need of other teachers"
"What?!?" was all Jude could blurt out. Tears welled up in his eyes, he couldn't believe what he was hearing. Why would his master want to abandon him. "Master...why?"
"You have learned all you could from me. Your journey to mastery starts now." The lights brightened as the words left the master's mouth, illuminating both the student and master where they stand. The master turned to look at his student through his steel mask. "You have mastered everything that I have taught you, now it is time for you to use those skills and go out into the world. I have colleagues and friends out there that would love to teach you skills as well. Seek them out and you will soon become a master, stronger than this old man that stands before you."
Jude was having a hard time absorbing all that was happening to him. He felt week, heart heavy with sadness, mind filled with questions, but he couldn't muster the strength to speak. The master put his hands oh Jude's shoulders and embraced him. "Go out, become something you've always wanted to be."
Jude nodded his head, pushing himself from his master he turned and left without saying goodbye. Leaving the master by himself. "Farewell my son."
_________ Amlex's ____ Squash's ____ Tomo's
Character:
Avatar 1.... 8.00 ______ 7.50 _______ 5.00-_- = 20.50
Avatar 2.... 8.00 ______ 8.00 _______ 8.00-_- = 24.00
Creativity:
Avatar 1.... 10.00 ______ 8.50 _______ 6.00-_- = 24.50
Avatar 2.... 10.00 ______ 8.00 _______ 7.40-_- = 25.40
Cohesiveness:
Avatar 1.... 10.00 ______ 5.75 _______ 6.00-_- = 21.75
Avatar 2.... 9.00 ______ 5.00 _______ 8.00-_- = 22.00
Completeness:
Overall ..... 7.00 ______ 7.13 _______ 7.00-_- = 21.13
Critical:
-2 for lacking emotion in the apprentice.
-1 for the master's look slightly random.
Comments:
The hair choice with that kelp on the head of your apprentice is brilliant, really sold the look for me. A very solid entry all around.
Its hard to tell if you followed the rule about the gaia layering for its hard to tell. The master seems like you put time into it but your student seems like you just eanted to get it done and over with. The color scheme is not something you see ever day on the student but I guess it works and doesn't work. The master on the other had is odd looking but it works minus the whole face thing on the stomach which sticks out like a swore thumb.
TOTAL = 156.38, 74.5%
three feet under
3'under/ Sensei
There was a village in the far east, called Quawn. This village had not had any villagers for the past couple years, ever since the rumors...
In this village, there were many kind people, who would do anything to help a person out. There was Allen the local Baker, age 33, Mr. Yung, the Hotel owner, agg 45, Rose, the flower shop owner, age 23, Mr. and Mrs. Turner, who owned the meat deli.
And finally, there was Alec, (3'under for future.) the local, and his sensei, Master Yoshi. Alec was 22 and had been training under M. Yoshi for quite some time, learning the Arts of the Stone Gauntlet. The Stone Gauntlet was the towns sacred item and the one of the only two left in the world, the other one was....
Owned by Master Yoshi.
After long years of obstacles, training, chatting with Rose, the day finally came. Mt. Guymo released to monsters of hades. The town hadn't been effected yet, but 3'under had seen a horde of little gremlin monsters on his morning training session about 5 miles out of town, he jogged there of course.
He ran as fast as he could to town, when he arrived, he yelled "EVERY, HIDE! MOUNT GUYMO, THE RUMORS ARE TRUE! THE MONSTERS ARE HERE!" All of the townspeople locked up their stores and homes, and grabbed makeshift weapons like broomsticks and fire tools. 3'under ran to the sensei.
M. Yoshi was standing, hold the other pair of Stone Gauntlets. "Go." He said. 3'under looked at his sensei. "Really?" M. Yoshi nodded, "You are ready, and your powers have never been needed as much as this, give the mountain long enough and, it will erupt, giving access for of the the Byorgs (Elite monsters) to make through. 3'under nodded, and accepted to gauntlets
"Wow, such power!" said 3'under. "Yes, power you must learn to wield, it has already left it's mark." his sensei nodded at his left arm. 3'under looked and gasped at the torn sleeve and marks. "Is this... permanent?" The sensei nodded. "Yes, but it is a mark of honor, and only true warriors possess it. You are the wielder of the Stone Gauntlet, the mighty weapon that calls upon the power of the earth, now go, set off on your journey. You must go defeat the great evil lurking in Guymo Mountain, for that is the only way to berid of all of these creatures. Go, You are wasting time." 3'under nodded. "Yes, master, thank you for passing on your knowledge." He bowed and ran toward the mountain of many dangers and trials.
_________ Amlex's ____ Squash's ____ Tomo's
Character:
Avatar 1.... 7.00 ______ 7.50 _______ 4.00-_- = 18.50
Avatar 2.... 6.00 ______ 6.00 _______ 4.00-_- = 16.00
Creativity:
Avatar 1.... 7.00 ______ 6.00 _______ 3.00-_- = 16.00
Avatar 2.... 6.00 ______ 6.00 _______ 2.00-_- = 14.00
Cohesiveness:
Avatar 1.... 5.00 ______ 6.50 _______ 2.00-_- = 13.50
Avatar 2.... 5.00 ______ 5.00 _______ 3.00-_- = 13.00
Completeness:
Overall ..... 8.00 ______ 6.17 _______ 3.09-_- = 17.26
Critical:
-3 for making the student seem more badass than the teacher.
Comments:
The story was interesting but in the avatars didn't really live up to the story. The master could have been a lot better.
First off you should had switched the models around meaning the student looks more like the master then the student and same goes for the master. Next you need to spend more time on the models then typing the story, sense the contest is an avi on not a story writing one. After that you should read the rules for this round...cause you broke the only rule he had really had in place, which was the gaia layering which you broke on the master. That police jumper cant be layered like that. Also the colors on both dont flow or match what so ever.
TOTAL = 105.26, 50.1%
