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people tend to confuse 'self-interest' and 'selfishness'.

biological urges ARE more or less selfish/self-interested.

IMO, EVERYTHING you do in life is for self-interest. Even the most aultruistic act of charity is quaranteed to make you feel good on some level. There is nothing wrong with that.

An act does not become *selfish* until it ACTIVELY causes harm to another person, or causes harm to another person greater than the harm it would cause you not to do it, or the selfishness involved in their demand on you (for instance not saving someone else's life, when it would would be no threat to your own safety to do so).

Not having kids does not fall under either heading.
It does not actively cause harm to anyone else,
and whatever pain YOUR not having kids might cause to others (no grandchildren, for instance)
is peanuts compared to the pain having an unwanted child would cause you,
and peanuts compared to the selfishness of the person demanding that you change your whole life and go through the pain of having a child you don't want to benifit THEM.

Having kids actually might be seen as fulfilling the first heading if you consider overpopulation!


“if you wait to have children when you’re ready then you’ll never have children”

I don’t GET this idea - this only means AYHTING if it is said to a person who really really wants kids and even then it doesn’t make sense. I mean - *gasp* I really shouldn’t wait - I really do need to put my concerns aside and get on having kids that I don’t want or I may NEVER have kids I don’t want!”
And even if you want kids *someday*, that is no reason to start having them when the time is not right.
If you would really *never* have them, maybe that is your life, or your *real* heart telling you something about what is *really* right for you.