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Wow, haven't updated in a while.. Not that anybody really cares, I'm sure xD My life is pretty eh-ish. smile
But I use these things mainly to get things off my chest, explain stuff that I feel need to be explained, ect. Sooooo I'ma get started!
Well, I guess I'll start off with what's been on my mind most.
So, my bestestest friend in the whole wide world hates the guy I love with all my heart.. and when she sees this I'll proooobably get yelled at or something xD Oh wellz.. Beccs I love you anyways ;D
But like I said- To get things off my chest. So, she and everyone else that has heard what she has said about him like hates him, and most likely thinks I'm such a stupid and gullible person for liking him, and going out with him. I've gotten to the point where I have mostly stopped caring what other people think, and my mom always said to be a leader, not a follower. She also taught me to follow what my heart said. So, I'm a little torn here, because I luvs Becca as a sister, as family, and I love him as well... That shouldn't be TOO hard to figure out. (Hey, get those nasty thoughts out of your head! I'm 13 for God's sake!) But it came around and people implied that one day I'm going to have to make a choice, or they will make it for me. For one: I HATE people making some choices for me, life choices for me like this type of thing. I mean obviously if I say I don't care, I don't care, but I'm getting off topic. I don't want to lose him... no one understands how much he MEANS to me... But Becca means so much to me too. I mean, she's my bestie for crying out loud.
But I think it might do me some good to express my feelings for him, to start off.
He... he well... Where to start.. hehehehehe... the guy makes me blush, he says so much nice and sweet and I may just be some gullible little girl but he sends me to bed with a warm fuzzy feeling in my chest. I go to bed every night (Save the nights I lay down and conk out, at like 3 am) wishing for someone's (*cough* Him.... *cough*) arms to be wrapped around my waist and for their conciousness next to me, and just... Yea. He calls me and I fight the battle of shyness every time I talk to him.. every time I hear his voice. Its just.. Idk. He'll send me pictures (I mean, even of his kitty or something, lol) and the minute it arrives and my phone starts singing, "I got a lot to say to you, yea I got a lot to say... lalalala" the moment I see its a picture from him... ohh if you could only see my face. I'm sure it would be sooo red. But I'm not expressing my feeling the way I wanting to let them out.. idk, I seem to be skipping something... Something... He just... makes me feel this certain way... and its just...
Look now: It may just be some silly teenage crush but people, at least respect who I freakin like, okay? It gets tiring hearing almost every day, "Have you dumped him yet?" "Is he gone?" "God, everyone thinks he's SUCH a retard." Well, its MORE than just tiring. I'm God damn ******** sick of hearing it. I have NEVER said ANYTHING about ANYONE any of you have liked, now have I? (Save Mike, but I just expressed dislike for him. I never actually insulted him... I don't think.) What have I done to deserve this? What's more is that so many people tell me so many different things. "Oh, he showed us all his TRUE nature a while ago." "I still don't see why you like him.." Alllllll that with a damned cherry on top.
Here's the basic thing I'm saying: I. LOVE. HIM. And, I'm pretty convinced that I'm about the first person to look PAST all the yelling and things that he's said in the past. 'Cause, y'know people, THINGS CHANGE.
They say that you can't teach an old dog new tricks, but the thing is, well for one, he's obviously not old, and eventually after being shown enough unkindness and being alone for so long, people start to figure out that maybe it wasn't just that they weren't right for me. Maybe it was because of me.
People do change, and you just don't see how nice he is to me... I'm debating between posting some of the things he's said to me, because the people who WILL read this will probably know who I'm talking about, and I wouldn't want to put him in a hot spot. Buuuuuut I'll go against my better judgement and do it anyways. Sorry hon smile
"My day is devoted to talk to the most beautiful girl in the world, where when you stroke her hair it is silky smooth and when you hug her the warmth keeps you happy. When you pick her up or cuddle her her laughter or sublte joy puts a smile on my face. Her intelligence intrigues me to think differenly about a lot of things, especially how I think of people... Like the one I love, she is so sweet and caring and would never do anything to make things bad for me, only better. Her smile leaves me happy for the rest of the day, (and) her voice so heavenly.. Its mezmerizing and lovely smile "
There was more, but that was more than most of it. But... See how he treats me? He has great capabilities... and I doubt anyone has really probed too far into that intelligent mind of his. (Forgive me if I'm wrong.)
I just... I want to stay with him, and I want people to understand more than anything. I want others to understand that there is more under what he showed. And, like, what some people don't stop to think about (Not just targeting Becca and others lol, but like the whole of the human population xD) is that some people have a temper. (Like, believe it or not xD I do too. I have just kinda like learned that screaming at people doesn't solve too much xD Because ALL of the people I know are stubborn hardheads who fight back smile Just playing, I love you guys lol) And my temper used to flare just as much as his did. I used to be a meannnn little girl.. To my sister xD I used to scream and even hit her sometimes. Poooor little 5 year old, lol.
But, I have a headache again so I think I'm going to wrap this up, maybe come back to it later, but just... yea. No one is perfect, and we cannot help who we like or dislike. Sometimes we cannot even help how we act. Some of us (Like me...) act/say on impulse, then slowly fall asleep that night with the thought of what we did wrong that day. It's only human, people.
 IceDragonEve · Tue Jan 13, 2009 @ 11:28pm · 1 Comments |
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