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Blah, Am I a Drama Queen? (Update on life) |
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I don't know whether its my lack of sleep, or what, but I've been really irritable the past few days. Renee's odd musings of wanting me to open a Capri Sun or Yoohoo! A certain way makes me want to scream at the world. I got 3 ant bites and recently scratched the top of one off, and it hurts/itches like HELL, so I suppose thats not a big help to anything. To make matters worse (And this is where the whole "I believe I'm a Drama Queen" Thing comes in.) Brandon (The guy I liked) like, sent me home today... It went sorta like this:
Him: "Do you want to go home? Cause you're just kinda sitting there.. not doing anything."
Me: "Well I dunno, do you want me to go home?"
Him: "I don't care..."
Me: "Well pick one!"
Him: "Well... Let me ask my bruise." (o.0) *lifts up the sleeve of his shirt to reveal a nasty bruise*
Me: "Oo that looks painful."
Him: "Not really.. It says no. No as in like.."
Me: "Whoa whoa whoa, you confuse me." (And I got lost there kinda, so I'm not gonna type it.)
Him: "Well uhh..."
*...silence...*
Him: "Bye."
I was like ... Well uh fine. (Thinking to myself. I tryed to make it appear that it didn't bother me, but by the time I walked in the door I was fuming and feeling quite rejected.)
That's what I HATE about guys. They say "Oh I love you." Well screw them all! They love me for ********' lookin good! None of them ever really takes the chance to get to know me before saying those words, and it KILLS me!
Everyone thinks I'm weird 'cause I've never gone out with someone, never kissed someone. I mean, even the God Damned sixth graders have had at least one girlfriend/boyfriend! And I'm in EIGHTH FRICKEN GRADE!
It pisses me off, I don't know if its my hormones kicking in or what, but I've wanted a boyfriend so bad.. But I'm not going to stoop to the level of some people and ask out some random cute guy. I'm not going to accept the offer of someone if they don't spend at least 2 weeks with me!
I'm sick and tired of it all. No one likes me here it seems. Not my teachers, not the people I thought were my friends, no one execpt for Shane (A 4 year old), Alex (a 9 year old who likes me cause I look good >_> wink And possibly Michael (Assuming, but probably also because I look good.) I'm just tired of it all... I want to sit down and cry, but I'm too pissed off to ever do that.
I've been contemplating talking to my mom about it all, but I'm not a person to talk this kind of stuff out in person. I'd rather talk on the phone or type or text.
Oh, and to top it allllllll off, I think I'm fricken failing my high school curriculum math class. I'm ready to move right here and now to Alabama. Just start over... Again.. Or move back home (Arizona) to where I don't have to worry about people liking me... About being alone. If I had friends here who cared for me like everyone there does, I probably wouldn't be longing for a boyfriend. I just want to know that SOMEONE here cares about me... For being me...
Get my jist? I try to be a good student, a good friend. But it just seems as though its all a lost cause... Kill me now, I'd love to see how many people would actually shed a tear. I doubt anyone here would...
I think I'm far too self-absorbed. Maybe over imagining things, I don't know... I just want to either move to Arizona or hide in the dark forever.
I remember that Happy-Go-Lucky little girl that used to be me. She always trusted people, never saw the bad in them. Now look at me: Depressed, wary, and self-inverted. What have I become? I wish I could be care-free again, but I guess this is what a lot of people would call "resposibility." But I'm not ready to take on the world, I still have a lot of kid left in me. Still want my mom to take care of all my problems, still want to whine and complain. Still want to scream and make wierd jokes and not be laughed at. I don't know anymore... I still believe in true love, and a match for everyone, but... I don't know. I just don't know anymore. I'd give an arm and a leg for some people here... And then they'd just turn around and leave me on my own...
What has humanity become? A ruthless, vile, bloodcrazed race on which murder, blood, and war thrives. Why? Is it the technology today? Or maybe people are power hungry. I don't remember the reason we've had thousands of men and women stripped from their families to go and lose their lives to stop some unknown cause. I was listening to 'Where is the Love?' By Black Eyed Peas today. When you get a chance, listen to it. It really makes you wonder... About a lot.
That's it for now. I'll probably add something else to this before long though.
Edit: (Same Day)
Oh how I love my mom! I talked to her about a lot of my troubles, and she really lifted my spirits talking about it all from her point of view. I'm not depressed anymore (for the moment) and so yea... That ant bite still itches like crazyyyyyy but I'll live. But its like 9:30 and I'm dead tired, so I'ma put this up, shut my computer down, and go to bed. Get ready to wake up at 6:00 again -_-
PS: My knuckle itches now too. Wtf?!
Edittttt: 9/23/08
People.. Honestly, if you don't care or my weird journal entries, like, offend you or something, don't read them lol. It's just a way for me to get whatever is off my chest. No one's forcing you to read it, and I certainly as hell don't want rude comments, (Though if I'm bein' a Drama Queen, please let me know razz ) cause that just pisses me off lol. Not to mention I am moooooodyyyyyy cause I'm gettin' ready to start. (Yea, you didn't need to know, but its the reason for all this lol) So like... Yea.
I recently had a s'mores. Yum xD But, I came up to my room to say this lol: Is it such a crime to come up and write about whatever is tugging at my concious to get it off of my mind or chest? For some people, it could be screaming at their parents, or crying. For me its writing. Weird, yea I know. What can I say lol? I'm weird, I'm different, I'm odd, and I'm proud xD I'm goin' through either some bad times or my periods just like "RAWR I HATE YOU GO DIE I'MA GO MAKE YOU HAVE A BAD DAY." So... Like, yea. Screamin' at me isn't goin' to solve like anything, lol. But me also sittin' here how to think your life isn't right either, now is it? I try my best to be the best I can, to not make a big deal out of the small things, but come on.. Can I not have a little room to whine and stuff? My moms been talkin' 'bout the whole divorce thing, and this whole 'Brandon' thing is (stupid, I know.) is.. Uhh well I forgot what I was saying, but I might get back to that. But whatever, lol. Think I'm finished here, for probably like 5 minutes, until something new enters my mind and I want to write about it again...
It gets annoying coming back here like every 5 minutes and editing stuff, but its just like an impulse or something. It, if you might allow, brings me an odd kind of joy biggrin
And to Beccadee: Luff you too =)
 IceDragonEve · Tue Sep 23, 2008 @ 01:13am · 2 Comments |
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