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Please bear in mind as you read this, that I have come to a very different emotional conclusion than when I wrote this originally. I do not feel the same way any more.

Morning

Already today things are not going good. I brought my flute today to play at lunch; music always makes me feel better. But it's so difficult for me! I want to be there for her, and yet I don't! I've got so many conflicting emotions, and it doesn't make any sense! I promised her space, but there's nothing I want more than to take her in my arms, and run my fingers through her soft, beautiful hair.

I'm so confused.

Afternoon (After Lunch)

Things just keep on getting better and better. She doesn't like some aspects of my personality and wants to me to change. This, I have known for a while, but it seems that no matter how hard I try and I can't change. Yes, I'm a critical jerk. Yes, I've been that wayfor a long time. But that doesn't mean that I haven't tried! SHe accuses me of not trying, but that isn't true! I have never once blew off her opinions. But old habits die hard! I've been a critical jackass for most of my life. That takes time to change. However, there is light at the end of the tunnel one of her friends knows exactly what it is I'm going through. She has allied with me to win my love back! Yeah it hurts. But she'll come around. I know it in my heart.

Afternoon (Just now)

Well folks, I decided something. I'm done playing her little game. I'm tired of all the pain and the heartache. I told her straight up this afternoon that I do still feel something for her, and I still want to be with her, but I need her to be ready. When she's ready for a serious relationship, she can call me. In the mean time, my heart will heal in preparation for the next time she rips it to pieces. And she will rip it o pieces again. That's just love.

Yours of Sound Mind,
Phoenix