Welcome to Gaia! :: View User's Journal | Gaia Journals

I hate what the media and stores do with Christmas: they begin advertising and selling crap for that poor comercialized holiday two months in advance. But this year, it's worse.

I know everybody hates Americans because of our extravegant spending and bad attitudes... But I'm pretty sure our karma has come around to bite us in the a**.

Last night, my mom asked if she could borrow the last of my money. I didn't have much; apparently, not enough. It was the last of my birthday money. Before now, I had to pay for all of my band fees with it. So, now, we're flat broke. If we can't make our food last until friday, we'll just have to starve. It's also partly my dad's fault. I don't know why, but he won't take my mom's calls anymore, because he's that dead set against paying us child support. I've pretty much disowned him as any relation to me.

Mom's already told me we won't have Christmas this year. We may not even bring down any decorations. I may just go with Scott to his family's get-together, just like last year. It's a sad state of affairs when you have to look your teenage daughter in the eye for the first time and say 'We're not have Christmas this year; we just can't afford it anymore.' I just didn't realize how lucky I was for the past few years, this year was one of the worst.

I don't mind the no presents part. I'm not materialistic. I hate getting gifts really, it just kinda accentuates how poor you are when you can't even consider buying anything. But it bothers my mom. A lot. She hates being poor. It's embarrassing to her.

But, this year, she's said that she wants to buy a gift for another needy child. I think it's fine, I like that idea. Maybe mom's right, maybe it'll turn our karma around.

But still, I need a job. Still, I have my teachers asking me if I've eaten, or how long it's been since I've been to the doctor. Even one teacher, who knows what dirt poor is, feels bad for me because he knows I'm dirt poor. It's not embarrassing, you know, being impoverished. Just... depressing.

Damn falling economy. Everywhere I turn, there's one more thing to prove how bad the economy is. But, it's worse when I see it on tv, a place where I know that if things don't get better, mom and I will be in line at food pantries because we were denied food stamps and child support.

This is really hard. I so, so badly need a job. So badly.