Welcome to Gaia! :: View User's Journal | Gaia Journals

(Lover's Lament....)

So I couldn't sleep. I had to analyze it all over again. I love her but...I ruined it. I never meant to hurt her. Months later...we still were never the same. The love didn't die it just....kept getting compromised. Fear was kicking in. Hesitation. The frantic desire for everything to at least feel right even when it wasn't. She would forever be defensive. I couldn't share my feelings without scaring her...her mind already prepared her to receive punishment, even when that was nowhere near the case. I dealt with that for months...telling myself "she'll change. I'll prove myself to her and things will be ok". Yeah.....I learned you can't change someone. They have to be willing to change their own heart and mind. Tonight was just one time too many. She never said a word to me all day. I pressed her to talk and we got to that same brick road wall. I just wanted to share feelings, and she wanted to run or take her "punishment". I couldn't stand it anymore...how many times can a heart break? So I guess we just can't go on like that. It's both our faults. No love lost, no evil intent...just a mourning and lament...then life must go on....