Welcome to Gaia! :: View User's Journal | Gaia Journals

Her Secrets
Introduction
My life is blind. I am to the point of total recklessness. I think I have forgotten how to cry. I’m always someone else and never myself. What is up with that? When things are good for me I turn it into mush. I turn everything bad. I am destruction to reality. My people are just like me; on the inside. I am lost inside a whirlpool of darkness and sad emotions of others who have died or have been forgotten too. For we have no meaning, no goal in life. Inside people believe we are filled with love. But really we are filled with grief and sadness everyday of our lives. Others do not notice what we’ve been through. We’ve climbed mountains and when we reached the top we were finally able to breathe fresh air again. I was able to breathe something real, something worth fighting for. What I would really love is to know if I was actually loved. All I want is to be held and cry it out; to be able to cry out all my sadness and feel whole again. At the end I want to die the right way. I wish to be happy and to never feel pain. I wish to grow old with someone I love and have many grandchildren. But that is many years away. It seems as though that time will never come. As I am wrapped in a vortex of darkness and it’s a place that never shines; or brings warmth to your skin when you smile.
I always feel so cold; as though it is snowing on the inside of my body. I always feel so tired and very weary. As though someone has sucked all the life inside of me. I got to get back to my world, got to find a way; because I’m losing my senses to him. Where did it go, the blue bird I should follow back home; but where is home. I guess it wouldn’t matter much. Won’t be long before I cry. Don’t believe the things they say today. Seems we all get lost the most here just sitting here. All alone, but I’m in a crowded room. Im sinking in the quicksand tonight. Pick me up, and through across the sky till the morning. I guess it wouldn’t matter much to you. Seems to me like I've lost my touch, I’m back in line. Don’t believe in what they say today. Turn around and walk away. Everything will go your way, I pray. Seems we all get lost the most here on earth. Got to get away from here. Don’t believe a thing they say today. Turn around and walk away. Everything will go your way, I pray. Seems we all get lost the most. Here on earth today. Don’t believe a thing they say today. Turn away and walk away. What I say is what you should believe. I speak the words of truth. I’m showing you the wisdom of the mind of Fire and water. This is how I feel when here. In this world. I feel so alone; even when I’m surrounded by millions of people of existence. I’m all out of faith. When it is time to rain I will run until I can run no longer. Until my whole body is bursting in pain, and my blood pressure has risen to an increase of feeling destructive; that is when I’ll stop. My skin will be numb and unusable for me. For then I will be so cold my skin will turn dark blue, my lips will tremble; not because of the cold, but because of the fears I am feeling. For now is not the time to celebrate, but for a time to hide yourself from the ones you fear most. The ones who wish to harm us and bury us into our holes of despair. I feel sick now; at the bottom of my stomach; I feel so very small on the inside. I see no good sides to this part of me. To all of this.
What makes it worse is the war that is going on. All the violence. The bombers just won’t quit. Killing people who don’t deserve to die. And so as I travel, I see things that are quiet disturbing for my age. Too much blood was pouring from their bodies. So much pain they had to endure. I somewhat know what they were going through. It feels like millions of knives are being thrown at my body. The most painful memory which I can never forget. My heart isn’t getting any stronger; it’s getting weaker and weaker every time there is war or blood being shed; and Death. Disturbing images run through my mind. People screaming my name. Hoarse cries are heard from within. Tiny cries of children…; I wish not to be here. I sat there listening to their voices for hours it seemed. Everything slowed. I was hearing and seeing people who died. Their tears dripping down their faces. Some old; some very young. None of them had names. The sadness in it all. The reasons why I breakup and cry when it really isn’t needed. And so from seeing so much of their pain, knowing how they tortured them is just awful. It’s dark in here. Why bleeding is breathing? I try so hard just to escape this lie. I used to believe in them. I’m different; and I always will be. Things are being shut down, doors to people’s hearts are closing, and all of their painful memories and good are being locked up forever. So no one can ever get in.
Chapter 2
Communication through Mirror
Just like me, her mind is closed. Others who wish to know can never see what she thinks. What she has passion for. They hide from her. Treat her as though she were an animal of no feelings whatsoever. And so through her eyes all you see is black. You see she is empty and practically lifeless. Her body is torn; scars and bruises all over her body. Tears are over flowing. She cannot breathe. She is suffocating from their hatred. No space or time to be loved. Filled with black, hatred, feeling no love from anyone for all eternity. Why now, must she turn down? She has no life of her own; they who call themselves human have taken everything she ever loved away. Just looking at you people makes me sick. She is only a little girl. When I look at her; I see what she is really feeling. I know what runs through her mind. For this I know; we are alike. We share the same blood. We are alike in body and mind. Inside I do sometimes feel as though I am lifeless. As though people pretend to love but inside they really hate me. And that is the truth. That’s what they are. They are the demons, which the devil himself sent up from hell. My blood is boiling. I feel very hot and angered by them. The danger they have put her life through and mine. They deserve this pain I must go through. I wish that that girl and I could get away for awhile, and go to some place new. To actually live our lives for awhile. To feel the freedom that everyone else has had. To actually feel loved and different in a good way. But there is something else that needs to be known. I am only half, and she the girl who has been torn to; is my other half. She is I; and I am her. We sisters of blood, separated by birth. Our souls are connected. She is or was my past. What I was and what I felt. When I saw her, the reflection of me, I didn’t recognize myself. When I looked at her, her body was completely covered by thorns. Her eyes were pitching black. Her skin was so pale and so thin you could see her bone’s poking through. Her arms and legs were covered with dry blood. Blood that wasn’t only hers, but others too. Other people she had killed with her bare hands. Just by looking at her, I could see what I was before. I could see what pain and torture she was put through. I shuddered, revealing my shoulders to the cold. I touched her skin. She was so cold. Her hands were a dark purple. Her lips shivered, which were dark blue. Her hair was long, which covered most of her face. Her ears very small, I saw a scar on the side of her neck. Her neck was slit open from a knife I’m guessing. When I looked down to see what she was standing on, I saw red. A giant puddle of red. I just stood there which seemed like an hour staring at the red puddle on the floor. It was blood, her…my blood. No wonder she was so pale. Most of her blood was on the floor, and covering her body. She was shivering; now looking, staring straight at me as though I was there to harm her. I stood up staring straight back at her. I couldn’t speak, I felt as though I couldn’t breathe any longer. I felt nauseous. Just looking at her cold black eyes, I saw something else. Her cheek was wet; a tear was dripping from her left eye. Still she stood there; while I watched the tear silently and slowly falls down her cheek. I raised my hand to wipe the tear from her face; she shuddered as though she feared me. And so she did. She started shaking. I brushed my hand gently across her face. And spoke softly to her…
” Do not be afraid of me, I wish not to harm you.”
Still she shuddered; soon she stopped and just kept staring at me. Never did she blink once. It looked as though she were thinking. I couldn’t tell. I could barely reach her. My eyes were burning just from her stare. I felt like breaking down right there in front of her. I knew it would make no difference even if I did. She would not notice if I cried; she wouldn’t understand the reason why I cry. I could not help myself I fell to my knees; into the puddle of her blood and cried. My heart hurt, I was breaking inside and I was just now noticing how bad it was getting. I thought I was getting better. But I was wrong. My fears were getting to me. I have lost. I just sat there and rocked myself back and forth. The girl looked down at me and bent down. She moved down to my level; and stared at me. Her lips moved as though she were about to speak; she hesitated for a moment and then for the first time she spoke to me.
”Why…” she trembled as she spoke to me. “…why you cry?”
She was troubled by my tears. I just sat there and cried, I tried to smile at her, but I didn’t have the strength to pull myself together and smile. I just sat there; staring at her. I wanted to hold her. To let her know life will be better. You just have to trust yourself and you’ll be ok. In return I wanted her to hold me back and talk to me softly. To give me comfort, and warmth. I wanted to run, I wanted to fly, and I wanted to be free from this curse. I wanted her to be free with me too. As though she heard my thoughts; she grabbed my arm and jerked me forward. My eyes closed shut. I opened them to find my head on her lap. She was stroking my hair, and staring, not at me, but at something else. There was nothing else to look at. So I was confused. Instead of trying to figure out what she was looking at; I laid there in silence, and gripped her hand tightly. We stayed in that position for hours. I cried and she comforted me. I didn’t understand how she could show affection for me. She was not built like that. But somewhere in her heart she must’ve heard my plea for comfort. The door to her heart must be slowly opening by my emotions.
I opened my eyes to find myself outside in the grass. I sat up straight; trying to find a sign of her. She was nowhere to be found. I searched frantically for her. I called out to her. I started to cry; but stopped when I heard hushed voices nearby. I turned the corner; and there I saw her sitting in the grass playing with the thorns that was attached to her body. I stepped on a twig and she stopped what she was doing and looked straight at me with her round black eyes, as though she were my prey. She calmed herself and stood up. Silently and slowly she walked towards me and grabbed my shoulder to help her stay steady. For the first time ever, she smiled a small smile. I looked to see what she was smiling at, and of course it was bad. She was smiling at a dead bird that was on the ground. Well at least she smiled at something. We walked around for awhile. I had no idea where we were. I felt lost. I clutched my heart. It was burning again. She looked at me funny, as though I was doing something wrong. She started laughing; I had no idea why she laughed. Eventually she silenced herself when she noticed that I wasn’t laughing with her. Instead she just smiled at me. I had to watch her the whole time to make sure she didn’t run off somewhere and hurt herself. My stomach was growling, so was hers. We were surrounded by trees; and there was barely any light. Except in one area I was following since we started walking; there was a dim light in the far back. I was following it. There was a huge trail of light; just one stream of light going somewhere, so I followed it; in hoping it would take us somewhere safe. She started skipping and twirling as though she were crazy. I tried to stop her; but she only got upset when I told her not to move around so much. So I went ahead and let her play around a bit, as long as she was near me and not too far away then I know she will be ok. I saw some berries on the left side of me on some bushes. I walked closer to the bushes and exaimed the berries to make sure they were safe to eat. I picked a handful and gave them to her and then I grabbed another handful and ate them. She stared at hers for awhile, and then she disgustingly shoved them down her throat. After a while I saw a small opening to our freedom from this deserted foundation. On our way out, I heard a thump behind me, she had fallen down. I looked down to see what she tripped over. There was a trail of thorns on the ground. I helped her up, and ran, following, alongside the thorns to see where they would end up. There it was. I looked up at it in astonishment. There standing in front of me was a building; completely covered by vines, which were covered in thorns, and roses. The house looked so sad. It looked very old. The top of the house was broken. It stood straight up; a huge shadow shadowing over me. I just stood there and stared at it for a few minutes. I could hear, leaves crunching. It was only me. I had to give her a name. Calling her Shelly would be too weird and awkward for me.
“So what should I call you?”
She looked down and just shrugged. Hmmm… it took me a few minutes to think of what I could call her; then the idea came to me like a smack in the head.
“How about Lea”?
We could use my middle name. She looked up at me, and I could see a little twinkle in her eye. She smiled at me. Her smile was very warming and comforting.
“Well do you like it?”
She nodded and started skipping around me. She was laughing and giggling as though her name was so hilarious. I smiled and grabbed her hands. She was startled when I grabbed her. But soon resumed. We danced in circles until we were dizzy with excitement. We lay in the grass, and watched the clouds float around in the sky. It was getting pretty dark. I needed to find some shelter for us; just to be safe. My stomach was growling and I was very tired from our long journey. I went up to the house and pulled off the thorns that covered the door. When I opened the door; the inside of the house was huge and very beautiful. It was very warm inside; unlike the outside. There was a beautiful piano sitting beside the side window near a huge fireplace. For some reason; somewhere inside my head; this place looked oddly familiar. I ran over to the piano and sat on the stool. I ran my fingers over the keys. And I started to play. A beautiful sound. The music was so soft, so calming to my nerves. I sat there and played, and played. I blocked out all other sounds and listened to the beauty of the music that was coming from this instrument. My mind was filled with music of a new generation. I’ve never played a piano before. I don’t remember ever playing one. I started to sing with the music. About my emotions and my love. The things I have lost. I sang and played the piano for a long time. My fingers were growing tired; but I didn’t care. I wanted to keep playing until I could breathe no longer. Until every last sad or happy memory was out of me. I felt a wetness trickling down my cheek. There were tears dripping; falling from my eyes. But I was happy; oh I see. These were tears of joy. For once in my sad little life, I was happy and I was not afraid to cry in front of somebody. I stopped and sat there. Crying my eyes out, my fingers were blistering from the playing the piano for so long. Lea was sitting on her knees while staring at me. She crawled towards me and pulled me from my seat. We were both sitting on the floor now. I cried and she watched, she listened to my broken heart. She listened and I cried. My fingers hurt and my eyes burned. I lay on her shoulder and she stroked my wet matted hair. She kept whispering a sweet, pretty tune.
“The blue bird will come, and take your sorrows away. The blue bird will come and kiss you farewell. The blue bird will come and bring you to heaven.”
I was touched and I listened to her until I fell asleep. The next morning I found myself in a soft and very comfortable bed. I bolted straight up. Where was I? I looked out the window. I was still in the same house. The sun was shining, casting a small shadow into my bedroom floor. I looked around to see if I could see Lea. She was nowhere to be found. I started walking towards the door. And I tripped over something, making a loud thumping noise. I heard a call from downstairs,
“Hello?”
I stood absolutely still. There it was again.
“Are you up?”
I heard footsteps, pounding up the stairs. I panicked; not knowing what to do; I threw open the door and ran down the hallway. I heard him call after me.
“Miss?!... Miss?!” “Please Wait!!!”
I ran faster trying to lose him. Just as I turned the corner I tripped over a something that was lying on the floor.
“Oof!” “What the f**k was that?!”
I about kicked the damn thing. I looked at what I tripped on.
“Oh my god…Lea!!!!!”
She was lying absolutely still. I nudged her to move. She wouldn’t move. Tears started to gather in my eyes. The man who was chasing me was standing over me. I turned around and kicked him in the groans and kicked him to the floor.
“b*****d! Who the hell do you think you are?!”
I stood there with the rage of fire in my eyes. I was about to pummel him, but something stopped me. Someone was grabbing my leg. I turned around; Lea was ok. She was having trouble breathing; but she was ok.
“Thank you God!”
I whispered so that only I could hear. I turned back around and looked at him. I picked up lea and grabbed her hand and walked right past him. And we ran. I ran back into the bedroom I was in earlier and told her to stay here until I come back and get her. I gave her the bread I had been saving for a couple of days now. And I walked out of the room and close the door. There were roses and thorns scattered all over the entrance to my room. I walked back to where I found lea; he was gone. There was blood on the spot where the boy was. I touched the floor of where he had been; and listened for a sound. There it was, I heard a creaking coming from downstairs. I ran around the corner and straight down the stairs and bang, ran straight into the guy. We tumbled down the rest of the stairs. When I opened my eyes he was lying on top of me staring into my eyes, pinning my hands to the floor.
“What the f**k is wrong with you? I try to help you and you keep beating the s**t out of me.”
I tried to kick him, but he was too strong. He asked me my name but I wouldn’t answer. He stared long and hard at me for some time. Then got off of me and walked away from me; leaving me on the hard cold; wooden floor. When I looked up I found myself in the Dining Hall. It was huge; it had a long dining table with a table cloth of the color white; very soft. There were 12 chairs, and 12 plates sat out; which were all very dusty. There were chandeliers above the table, and above that on the ceiling was a huge painting of baby angels playing in the clouds. The boy called me to come forward and I did so. I punched him in the face to see his reaction. Without knowing he fell backward; just in time he caught his balance.
“Would you knock that off?!”
Breathing heavily; he walked into the other room and I followed. He took off his shirt and put it into the basket. I walked closer to him, trying not to disturb him, and looked at him. His back was covered in scratches and scars. He had a scar that was about 3 inches down his left arm; near his shoulder. I touched his scar; he shook a little; then stood perfectly still. I knew he was watching me as I touched his shoulder then the scars on his back. I could feel his breath on the back of my neck when I touched the small scar on his neck. Then I jerked my hand back.
“…Pity, What’d you do?”
He just stood there as if I just stuck him in the face.
“Nothing… So who the hell are you anyways and what are you doing in my mothers’ house?”
I said nothing. His face started getting red.
“Tell me who the hell you are damn it!!!!”
He grabbed my shoulders and shook me. I felt the anger boiling inside of me; but I was afraid to let them go. I felt tears pricking in my eyes. Suddenly he stopped and let go of me. And sat down and covered his face with his hands.
“I’m sorry…”
He whispered it a couple of times and then we sat there in silence. For awhile I was afraid to speak. He frightened me.
“My names Rochelle…”
He looked up at me and said
” is that what you want me to call you or what?”
I said nothing.
“Ok…” “Wait no...I would like it better if you called me Shelly.”
He stared at me for a minute then nodded.
“So what brought you to this house and is that girl upstairs your twin.”
I sat there for a moment and hesitated before I told him anything. If I told him that the girl upstairs was me from the past; he would think I was crazy. But I couldn’t lie.
“She’s…She’s…”
I stuttered at the words I was trying to say.
“This may sound crazy but she’s not my twin, she’s me.”
He looked at me funny.
“This may be hard to believe but she is me from my past…”
He sat there in silenced and just stared at me
.”Oh to hell with this.
I stood up and was about to walk out of the room but he grabbed my hand and pulled me towards him. I fell on his lap. My face went beat red.
“I believe you.” “If you wish to stay here you’re going to have to work for me and help me keep this house clean.”
I sat there on him and turned around facing him. Still sitting on him; I pinned his arms behind him and looked at his face. He put his head forward and licked my cheek. I slapped him and got up.
“I’m going to go get lea!”
I stood up and stomped out of the room.
“Well hurry up, you guys need to owe me “favors”.” Shouting so that I could hear him.
“I got to go to the store and pick up some groceries for dinner…Ok?”
I gave him a dirty look.
“Sure…”
He just smiled; grabbed the keys off the table and walked out the door; slamming it shut behind him.

Chapter 3
Montgomery’s Secret
Finally we were done with the entire house. The most disturbing site of my life. Lea was skipping around and playing with soap bubbles. She was still covered in her thorns and the clothes she was wearing yesterday. I went upstairs and found her some little girl clothes. I don’t think he would mind. I grabbed the clothes and lea; and I took her to the bathroom and started the bathwater. I helped her get the thorns off her body. She Cried as I tore them off her. Some of them were dug so deep into her skin; I had to use I knife to get them out. When I got all the thorns out; I took off her bloodied clothes and placed them on the floor. She cradled herself to help relieve some of the pain she was feeling from the thorns. I helped her into the tub, at first she struggled to get in, because of her cuts, but soon I got her in there and bathed her, When we were done, I had her put her fresh clothes on and I let her go play in her temporally bedroom. I heard the door open downstairs. I raced down the stairs with a bat in my hand.
“Oh it’s just you…” “And here I was; wanting to kill you, oh well; so much for that idea.”
I said playfully. He smirked then put the groceries on the counter. “
Did you clean everything?” Yes I did…., Except for one room that didn’t open.
He looked at me with a sad look in his eyes.
“Don’t worry about that room…Actually just stay away from that room.” I walked towards him and grabbed the groceries and helped put them away.
“So where’s Lea?” She’s upstairs.” “By the way she can have that room and the clothes in it. It used to be my sisters room.” He looked at me then looked away from my face when I caught him staring at me. I asked him about the house. How he knew about it.
“Did you live here?”
“Yes I did…until the accident happened…”
He stopped talking and turned to look at the window. “If you don’t want to tell me, then you don’t have to…ok?” “No it’s fine; you’re the first one I’ve told since that day.
It was the year of 2004, it was very beautiful outside and the house was in full bloom. “Christopher? Where are you?” I’m right here Emily. Can you see me? I can see you? Emily turned around in circles then fell on the ground. Come on brother come on out I give up? Christopher jumped down from the tree; and picked up Emily by the waist. Silly girl I was above you the whole time. Oh Chris. I came to tell you that Father is home. Christopher gave her a weary smile and put her down. Let’s got inside. He went inside the house and found father sitting at the dining room table talking to his mother. He went and sat next to his mother and Emily next to her father. Hello father; beamed Emily. Hello darling. His father hugged her then gave Chris a dirty look. What are you looking at boy? Hurry up and eat your dinner. So how was your day Emily. Great father, I played hide and seek with Christopher and I caught a butterfly. Oh really…He gave Christopher another bad look. Son?! Yes father? Get away from the table this instant. What did I tell you about playing with my daughter? You ******** little b*****d! Get out of my face. Roger! His mother yelled at him. Roger had anger boiling inside of him. He looked at his daughter and yelled at her. I told you to never play him! He has dirty blood, dirty! Dirty! Dirty blood! He screamed at her and she cried. He picked her up by the collar of her dress and threw her against the wall. There was crack in her body. He had broken her. She cried out to him. “Please stop it daddy! Please stop it! She sobbed and sobbed. Her eyes swelling; burning from her painful tears. She called out for Christopher. Brother!!! Her father rushed to her and hit her with the chair; which broke and shattered to pieces. She was silent she was not moving anymore. He had killed her. His wife was sobbing uncontrollable; she ran to her daughters’ body and cradled her in her arms. Roger left the room then came back with a rifle in his hand, he tried to shoot her. To keep her from telling the police and killing him. Christopher came back and pushed his father out of the way. And grabbed his mother and ran. He ran to the door. It was locked. He could hear his father laughing. “It’s locked boy, and it’s your entire fault. You’re going to die here and you’re going to watch your mother die. His mother hushed her son and ran up the stairs to the bathroom and hid him in the secret compartment. Stay here and don’t speak! I love you Chris. She sobbed and she ran out of the room. “I heard her screams. And a gun fire shot once. I heard him call my name. I came out from where I was hiding and ran to where I heard the gun fire. There he was, the man I call my father standing over my mother with his hand covered in her blood. She was face down on the floor… That’s when I noticed that she was gone. He took my mother and my beloved sister away from me. I ran at him and knocked him over. When he fell the rifle was on the floor. I picked up the gun and pointed it at him. He just lied there and stared at me. “Come on son shoot it. You can’t shoot your own father; you stupid b*****d.” I glared at him and shot him 6 times; until all the bullets were gone. I had no idea what to do. I was scared and felt very alone. I ran to my mother and held her. Completely covered by her blood. I cried and cradled her in my arms. People, police and ambulances, came and helped me I cried. And the officer picked me up and held me. I cried and he listened to me. I couldn’t stop. That was the day my life beginning ended and my end began.

Chapter 4
Falling in…Love?
He sat there and cried. “Chris…?” I spoke in a whisper. He looked up at me, and cupped my chin in his hands. I felt my face grow hot. He must’ve noticed, because he smiled and rubbed my cheek softly, and gently. I wiped the tears from his eyes and took his hand and held it in mine. “It’ll be ok.” He looked at me with his beautiful green eyes. He smiled at me and I smiled back. He reached his arm out to me and pulled me forward. He hugged me and I hugged back. For once in a long time I felt comforted and loved. We embraced each other for a long time. I could feel his warm breath on my neck. He whispered something into my ear…”Your special, you smell just like her” I trembled at his words; not sure on what to say. “Who Chris, who are you talking about?” He was silent; he wouldn’t answer me. He just hugged me tighter. And I felt warm tears fall on my shoulder. He was crying again. I knew who he was talking about. I should’ve known better. We stood there for hours and held each other. We fell asleep near the fireplace. I awoke a 3 a.m. in the morning. Rain was beating against the window; it was pouring down hard. I opened the back door and stepped out onto the broken steps. I breathed in some of the fresh air and let the rain fall down on me. I felt tears forming from the back of my eyes. I tried to hold them in but I couldn’t hold them back anymore. I stood there and cried. I screamed out there names; and cursed at his father. Chris and lea were from my past. I was remembering him. In reality, in my time Chris is dead. He is gone and has already disappeared from my life once. I can’t; I won’t let it happen again. I screamed at god and through curses at him. I was angry; and untamed. I threw stones into the air and screamed at him. I was sobbing uncontrollably. I was pissed at him. He brought me back to my past. To live my life all over again. Was this my fate? Was God trying to show me something? Was he trying to anger me? What have I done to deserve this punishment? I want my family back! It’s dark in here. Why, leaving is breathing? You’re hiding underneath the smoke in the road. Try and forget me already. My mouth is dry. Forgot how to cry; and be normal for once in my pitiful life. What’s up with that? You’re hurting me God! I’m running fast, I can’t hide the past. You’re pushing me too far out of my level. I hate what you’ve done to me. I want to scream, I want to run. I can’t face my past anymore. I want to have freedom like everyone else. I want my life back; and I want my family back. You took them from me; and now this. You bring back my past to show me my awful memories. Making me feel the pain all over again. I screamed and ran through the rain. My clothes drenched in water; I ran far away from the house, away from Chris and Lea. I ran; but I ended up stopping. Just a few feet away from me; there was a bridge. I ran to it; and walked onto the middle of it; and I looked over the edge. I could hear it, the water rushing, making huge splashing noises. I stood straight up and I climbed onto the rail and stood straight up on it. I closed my eyes and took a deep breath. I knew it; I was ready, I was ready to die. I took another deep breath and I counted to 10. Suddenly something jerked me backward. When I opened my eyes, I was looking straight up at the sky. The clouds have grown darker and I had seen some lightening. I heard deep gasping noises right next to me on my left side. I turned over and there he was staring straight at me. Chris was breathing pretty heavy. He didn’t speak and nor did I. I got up and ran away from him. I heard him call my name several times; but I didn’t stop for him. I just kept on running until I saw the house in the clearing. I ran; I heard someone running behind me. I turned around to see who it was. It was Chris. I tried running faster; he was catching up to me. For some reason I laughed, then he laughed. He caught up to me. We were running side by side, just like we use to do. I laughed and cried. I couldn’t stop. I fell down to my knees and laid there in the grass on my face. He stopped running then he walked towards me. He must’ve felt my sorrows. He knows what I am. See Chris and I have a gift. We share dreams. Whenever I’ve had a dream, he would be in it. I remember it as if it were yesterday. The first day we met, knew each other’s secrets. He sat down on my left side and lied down in the grass next to me. It’s hard havening to replay my past; seeing people who have already died, reliving all over again. I turned over on my side so that I would be facing him. His eyes sparkled. It was pouring rain out where we were. We laid there in the rain and held each other’s hand. We whispered secrets to each other and slept out there in the rain. He held mine and I held his. I was taken back here; in my past; to find something important, something valuable. For now there is a secret he doesn’t know and I intend to keep it that way.
Chapter 5
Butterfly Garden
4 hours had passed. I was holding his hand, it was somewhat blurry. Then I noticed that I was still asleep; still in a dream. Suddenly he let go and said that he was going to get up now. The vision of him and I disappeared. He had awakened from our slumber. The dream vanished from sight; I was no longer dreaming. I heard a light whisper and some giggling. I started to open my eyes very slowly. When I opened my eyes completely; I saw lea. There she was sitting on the edge of my bed. She was smiling at me and was stroking my hand. All she said was come on get up! She was now holding my hand. I sat up from my bed, and let go of her hand to stretch. I stood up and walked over to my vanity and sat down. She walked over to where I was sitting and picked up the brush; and started brushing my hair. Her hair was getting shiny, and the color was finally returning to her cheeks. She was smiling at me through the mirror. She was wearing a pretty blue powered dress and a small golden locket which was hanging around her neck. When she was done brushing my hair, I stood and she had me follow her to the the closet. She opened the door; and there inside was a beautiful rainbow colored outfit. The bottom of the skirt was red, a line above that was yellow, and after that orange. It was a rippled colored skirt. The waist line was white going downwards. The top was a tank top, that was purple, black, and had a pink ribbon tied under the breast area. I quickly put on the outfit. It looked gorgeous on me. Too gorgeous. When I put it on, something caught my; wings, beautiful butterfly wings were growing out of the back of my outfit. When it finished, my outfit looked absolutely stunning. I gasped at the sight of it. I had no words for such a beautiful outfit. Lea came in when I finished dressing and clapped her hands together. All she could say was pretty. She said it at least three times and then went silent and she walked over the closet shelf and brought out a box. She told me to put on the crystal. On my shirt; where my heart is, right in the middle, was and carrier. It was locked. She handed me the green crystal colored stone and pointed to my chest. I put the stone in the hole. It shined brightly, bluntly blinding me for a moment. Then it dimmed and things were back to normal. I ran out of the room and down the stairs. I ran into somebody; and fell on backwards and landed on my a**. Oww! I’m sorry. I looked up at him. He growled, mumbled a little and then he grabbed me by the arm and picked me up. He let go suddenly and stared at me for moment. He looked me up and down, and up and down again. Then he looked at my shirt where the green crystal was. Well then…that’s all he said. He smiled at me and held out his hand. Hello, I’m Jess. He stood there still having his hand out. It’s called shaking hands. He grabbed my hand and shook it. I smiled at him and he smiled back. Why are you here? I asked. Well, I was looking for Chris actually. What are you doing in that outfit? I don’t know it was set out for me and had my name on it. I turned around and was about to leave but he grabbed my arm. Who are you and what are you doing in this house? He looked at me very sternly. I could see anger in his eyes now. He scared me. I stomped on his foot and when he let go; I kicked him in the face. He fell to the floor and looked up at me. All I could do was smile about it and then the grin faded. I bent down so that only he could hear. Next time you touch or harm me, I’m going to kill you. Are we clear? He looked at me for a few minutes, then he nodded his head. Chris came out of nowhere and looked from Jess to me. I smiled at him and he smiled back. He looked at Jess and said “Well it looks like you met Shelly” he came over to me and kissed my cheek. I blushed; and pushed him away playfully. Why are you on the floor Jess? Jess looked from him to me then grinned. I don’t know ask her. when he stood up I pushed him back down again. Oh I’m sorry; Reflexes. Chris laughed then he left the room; going into the kitchen. Jess got up and soon followed. I trailed after them. When I got into the kitchen I noticed many roses were on the floor leading somewhere. i gave Chris a funny look. What is all this? He said nothing then he told me to follow the trail. Lea came skipping down behind me and followed the trail. I followed her and then we stopped. I let out a startled cry. The backdoor was wide open, and in the backyard was a huge green weeping willow, with two long ropes tied to the highest branch there was. The rope was tied to a beautiful blue and light pink swing. There was a red ribbon tied around the seat of the swing. Lea giggled some; grabbed my hand and ran to the swing with my hand in hers. She let go of mine; I walked closer to the swing and took off the red ribbon. I ran my fingers down the new; cut clean rope. I propped myself up on the swing and lea walked behind me. she pushed the swing. I laughed and laughed. I was so happy. I felt as if my heart was about to burst. I wanted to cry, not because of sadness or of anger. For being happy, for getting something I actually deserved. The tree was near a beautiful, blue pond. Every time I swung on my swing; my body would go over the pond. I could see the suns reflection bouncing off of the water. The sun was smiling at me; so I smiled back. The sun brought the color face. I was very warm. I felt comfortable where I was. I closed my eyes and bent backwards. I could finally feel the sun beaming down at me. I could feel the wind brush against my skin. I could hear the wind whistle and make music with the trees. I sat there swinging for a long time. I felt calm and relaxed there. I could stay there for as long as I wanted and I would never feel sad there. It was my own little garden. There were rose bushes that circled the weeping willow. Something special, something so simple has touched me; heart and soul. A gift is more than just a gift. This gift means more to me than anything else on earth. My own personal garden; where only I can get away to. It is not only a present from Chris, but also a gift from God himself. For he now knows what pain he had made me feel again. After awhile I stopped swinging. I sat there for just awhile longer; and I stared up at the sky. Something caught my eye. Something was fluttering around above my head and landed on my right hand. I raised my hand to my face to see what it was. It was a blue and green butterfly. It rested on my hand. I smiled at it. Then I saw another one, and another. A swarm of butterflies came and landed on my arms and legs. I stood up; carefully as of not to harm my friends and walked slowly and silently near the other side of the pond. The sun gleamed down on me and made me look like an colorful angel from heaven. It looked as if I were floating and not really walking. I felt very relaxed. The butterflies followed close behind me. They flied and I walked and smiled very gracefully. I let my hands feel the tree limbs that hang above me. I let the wind and trees listen to my secrets. I took off my shoes and let my toes feel the cold water. I ran them through over and over again. There were flowers everywhere. the butterflies stopped when I stopped walking. Something struck me. How could something so beautiful like this; happen to me? I stood there for quite a while; thinking hard about the question I just asked myself. I shrugged my shoulders and I told myself that this is the day to be happy. Nothing bad will get in my way. I will be happy; and not a single tear will fall from my face. I heard a crunching sound; I raised my head to see what was there. Chris was standing there in the clearing with 2 yellow and white roses in his hands. He was smiling at me. When he saw me; his mouth gaped open. The outfit that I was wearing was changing colors. It glowed a very bright light. It blinded us. We covered our eyes. He fell down to the ground. And I was floating in the sky. Jess came out of the house; his mouth hanging open. All of the butterflies, that were following me, swarmed around me. I was completely covered by beautiful butterflies of all colors. My eyes were changing color. My hair was growing longer and a staff appeared before my eyes. I reached for the staff. The light grew stronger as I grabbed it. I felt something growing inside of me. I felt a strange power. My heart was giving in. Some of my memories were coming back to me. I could feel the power running through my veins. It took all my strength to withhold the power running through me. I started screaming. I heard Chris frantically calling my name; Jess was screaming my name too. Suddenly the light disappeared and I floated softly and gently to the ground then I blacked out. I woke up in the house in Chris’s room. He was sitting on the chair beside the bed. I felt something in my hand. my hand was fastened on the long blue staff. Chris jerked from his spot and rushed to my side. Thank God…your awake! He gently kissed my forehead. It struck me as ice. Jess ran in the room. I heard a scream. I pushed Chris away. It has only been a day. Chris looked from Jess to me. Shelly…You’ve been asleep for fourteen days. I felt cold. My whole body struck numb. I didn’t know what to say or do. My hair was longer now. It was level with my waist. I threw my covers off and stood up. Still holding the staff in my hand. I looked at myself; I was still wearing the outfit it had changed again. The skirt was all white with a pink ribbon and my top was a tank top which was all blue with a white collar. My eyes had changed from brown to icy blue. Chris spoke to me; I’m not sure what to say; but when you slept you kept screaming a guy’s name over and over telling him to come back. You had a high fever; we tried everything to bring it down. And when we tried to remove the staff from you grasp, you tightened your grip, and when I touched the staff it shocked me and burnt my hand. But now your awake. So you could put it down. No!!!!!! after I screamed Jess and Chris looked at me. They were startled from my scream. I felt tears at the brim of my eyes. Don’t tell me what to do…Excuse me. I ran out of the room and ran down the corridors to Lea’s bedroom. I hadn’t thought of her until now. I threw open her doors and gasped at the sight that I was seeing. Lea was spread out of the floor, her face in the ground. I could hear her whimpering. She must’ve heard me open the door. She sat up, when she saw me she cried more and stood up. She ran at me and hugged me. She kept saying. You were sick now all better. I cried with her and we held each other. Jess came running in. He grabbed my arm and slammed me against the wall. Lea screamed. And I just stood there staring at him. He told me that he knew who I was. What I was; where I came from. He was going to ruin me. He was going to hurt me. I was shocked. I slapped him. What did I say about you touching me?! He just gave me a dirty look. “look, there isn’t anything wrong with me. So what, if I’m from the future. So what if I know Chris. In my time period something happened to Chris. I turned good. I lost everything important in my life; and I’m not going to let you take that from me. When I got free; I ran from him. I ran out the doors of the building
TO BE CONTIUNED