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Well I was really emo last weak. I really hate it when i am lied too. Sam lied about loving Amber and so I blindly supported him and now I am the ultra evil b***h from hell. Nuff said.

Now we all ow an apology to Amber. all the s**t that was siad....if Sam loves her hten she never deserved what she got. It's so sick to lie about the Woman yoiu love and slander her and make her look like the scum of the EArth....it isn't right. Suzaku looks down on you with Shame, Sam. So does Urd for saying her p***y smells like the lake.

Sure I laoughed but only because you claimed to hate her.

Anyhoo...on a lighter note....I saw a really hot guy today. He was in the student Union. I don't think I should even try thought because I may get in trouble....and then I may turn addicted. like I was with Aaron.

Yeah, I decided that I was never in love with Aaron. i was merely addicted. i sought to get myself away from this addiction. I first performed a simple spell to get myself a boost on the road.

I first burned his picture. then I doused it with water.

As I burned the picture I pointed out that fire was the lust I felt, so I must fight fire with fire.

Then when I doused it out with water, I pointed out that water was the illusion of the love that I felt, and that I must fight the water of illusion with the water of real love...

Soon the real love in my heart will coem out. And it won't be for Aaron.

Well....jsut that night I had the strangest dream.

I was with a guy....And he had long wavy dark hair....He was hot.
We were in love. And we were trying to find a decent place to make love. Mind you I had never seen this guy before. It wasn't Aaron, or Dustin, or anyone that I know. It was really weird. Now I don't know if it has any connection with me tyring to get rid of my Addiction with Aaron, but it's kind of weird that I have that dream after performing that.

Oh, don't worry. I know that doing the simple spell is not gonna get rid of my addiction completely. I have to be willing to make it work. I ahve to push myself to remind myself that Aaron was merely a dream. he no longer exists to me. He was an addiction. Not love. And that I will never be with him and that me and him would not be good together. I can feel it in my mine and his auras....we would not be good together. He belongs with Becca....and I don't want to break them up...besides...I am really getting tired of Aarron. Just tired....tired of all these up and downs. i have tried everything....from fire to dating and taking interest in something esle. I think the key thing was that I needed to recognize that it was not love, but an addiction. A really bad and unhealthy addiction that is far worse than my chain smoking. At least chain smoking doesnt' decrease my chances of having a descent relationship with someone. lIking Aaron will, because I would be comparing the dude to Aaron, which I did. I did it too Kyle, I did it to Stacey, hell I even did it to Will. though I never had feelings for will, but it was really unfair to base everything off of aaron. Thoguh I know in my heart I would never date will...I did make an unfair judgement of him becuase of Aaron. I am glad I finally recognize this.

I pray to Suzaku and Urd that I can finally end this. And to Biakko that my logical mind can step in to say " don't let the addiction get to me. "