Welcome to Gaia! :: View User's Journal | Gaia Journals

I am but a common man, simple yes, with all the talents of a normal

man, but unlike them I was graced with a skilled tongue. The ability to

weave words into brilliant sentences of flattery that have allowed me

to capture the hearts of even the most cold hearted females. I have been

blessed with this gift but… alas it shall be my downfall. It allows me

to excel at the game I have decided to play. But even I, as skilled as

I may be, have found my equal.
Her face is of such beauty that it drives my heart to beat faster at

but a single glance. Her lips of such pallor that mortal men can not

even comprehend the taste that such lips contain. Her hair of brown

hue, framing her magnificent visage. Eyes of such clarity and beauty

that she can ensnare my mind with but a simple glance.

Her mind is sharp and I fear that she has turned the game to her will.

I believe that I was graced with the abilities needed to succeed, but

she has proven me wrong.

I am a fool. I have allowed her to bewitch my mind in such a way that

she has the time to find the c***k in my armor. The time to pierce the

barricade I have erected. The time to plunge herself into the heart I

have protected for so long. She has planted the seed inside my simple

mind and soul.
She is my flower. The light that casts away the darkness of my soul.

The reason I shall keep living, to continue to draw the painful breath

that keeps me alive all so I can… wait for her. To make her smile, to

laugh. To make her happy. That is my reason…

As I said, I am a fool.

I am a hopeless romantic. She hath ensnared my mind further then anyone

before her. The seed she hath planted in my heart has sprouted into a

tiny flower. So it is my decision, do I nurture the flower or do I let

it wither and die. I fear that I hath decided to travel the path laden

with hardship. Her beauty is the light that shines upon the sproutling,

making it grow. Her smile is the water that quenches its thirst. Her

amber eyes aglow with intelligence is the nutrients that sustains the

flowers life. I hath chosen to nurture the flower she hath planted in

my heart. May we all pray that I hath chosen the right path...

The flower hath grown. The roots have driven themselves deep into my

soul, perhaps to deep to extract with out damage. They burrow deeper

and deeper into my soul with every passing moment with her. Her

questions open doors into myself that I hath never know to exist. With

every passing second she nurtures the flower she hath sown into me. She

doth ask me if I am hoping to view her in all her disrobed splendor,

my answer is nay. She doth ask me if it will make me content, I answer

nay. I will be content to view her as she is, fully clothed. Her smile

brings me joy for I know I hath caused it. He laughter brings me

happiness for I know I hath caused it. But what brings me the most

happiness, joy, or content is the fact that I am given the privy of

viewing her in all her beautiful splendor.

I am content with the way things are... for... I am.......ensnared by

her beauty and charm. She could wear a suit of armor and I would still

feel how I feel now about her. Her body means the world to me, it is

magnificent, as if crafted by the gods themselves from the finest

material, but it is not the thing that makes me what her... it is her

smile, her laugh, her charm that makes me yearn for her in such a way

that it seems impossible. I know she reads these but I do not care, for

these are filled with the thoughts I am too afraid to say...

For I am a coward.

I have learned her name. The being that makes me write such entries.

The being that makes me scribe my thoughts and feelings into this

place, where all can view. It is a soft gently name befiting one like

her. It fills me happiness to finally be able to call her by her given

name. Like the bird she shares her name with, she is beautiful and

free. No longer held down by the chains of the world that binds all of

use... even me.

As I sit here before you I wonder... what made me ask for her name.

Perhaps it was my minds way of telling me that I should stop thinking

of her as I once did. As a single entity made up of all the good and

beautiful things in the world. An act of god to meet her, when I was

filled with such hatred and disdain for humanity, that I believed was

corrupted beyond saving. But now I know, that she is a being forged by

the evilness of humanity and that even from the most dank and vile

thing a being of beauty and pureness can emerge. A being that has the

power to change even I, one who has given up on the human race long

ago. She has given me faith that if one such being can emerge from the

darkness, then perhaps another can, and another after that. To finally

save this doomed collection of tortured souls that I call humanity.

The name of the being that has open my eyes. The name of the being that

has unsealed my heart and banished the seal upon my soul. The name of

the being that has allowed me to see not only the corruption of

humanity but also the good left in this world.

The name of that being... is Robin.

I have come to realize what she is to me. She is the one that life has

cast at me to unseal my heart. To banish the chains that I have wrapped

around my soul. She is the key to making me be able to love again. She

is gods way of telling me that I should forget my previous failures and

focus on a new beginning. I love her, but more as a friend then all

else. She is one of the few that I will defend to my last breath.

She has joined the small group of people that light my way. The ones

who make me who I am. The few chosen people that have seen me as I was

created, not bearing the mask I have made to shut myself from the

world. They know me as the caring and hopeless romantic. The person who

will take and bear the crushing force that humanity can cast upon a

single person. The person that will sooth the souls of the people that

the world is about to crush. All so he can see their smiling facing and

feel their joy in his soul. The one who has had the world crush him,

and continue to live.

She has joined the people who hold the key... to my soul.

I have been cursed with the terrible fate of never being able to say

what I truely feel. I wish to tell her that she is beautiful but I can

never do it. Its but a few simple words strung together to mean a very

simple concept but still... I can not say it. She is an amazing

person.. She is beautiful in ever sense of the word but I still can not

tell her thus. Perhaps I am a coward She is a being that in all sense I

should hate. She does the things that make me cringe in pain and worry

about the fate of the world. Yet I continue to converse with her,

becoming more ensnared by her beauty and charm with every word uttered.

She is perfect to me but I still can not say what I feel. It is a

troublesome thing that I have been cursed with.

I know she reads this, but I do not worry. I know she will understand

what I have written here. I know she will realize what im trying to

say... even if I have the inability to say it...

I love her pure and simple. I want her by my side for all eternity, but

god seems to enjoy toying with me by placing her so far away. I want

her. I want to see her smile. I want to hear her laugh. I want to hold

her in my arms. I want to kiss her. I want all these things...

I would give anything in this world to have her in my arms but for a

moment. I want her. I write this to that I can look back and see what I

wanted the most at this moment. Maybe I will get these things, maybe I

will not. But I promise you this, I will give my soul to succeed and be

with her.

I have been beaten and broken. My heart has been torn asunder. My soul

crushed... but still I continue I continue to do what I feel I have

been made to do. To make others laugh, smile, find happiness in there

dreadful lives. I continue to take their punishment in exchange for

feeling alive. I want them to be happy... for if they are happy then

perhaps I will gain even a shred of happiness from them.

I want to feel content, I want to be loved, I want to hold someone. But

still I have not. Despite my best wishes and attempts I still fight for

what I feel is right. Is it wrong for me to want to feel those things?

Is it just that I have not done enough good in this world to deserve

those things. Have I not saved enough people to garner even a little

bit of happiness in my life
.
I continue to strive for someone to hold. I want... no need someone to

help me. I have this feeling in my heart, my soul, the very essence of

my life... that I am not good enough. This feeling is growing stronger.

When will it be my turn to feel these emotions that I give so readily.

When is it my turn to be praised. When will it be my turn to have

someone that would do anything for me like I do for everyone else. I

dont know... but thats why I continue. I continue to strive because

maybe...just maybe I will find someone.