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Well, I don't know really why I'm writing this, I guess I'm just lonely and upset.

My friends are great and are there for me but I'm tired of hiding who I am and I'm scared of what life has ahead.

In a year and a half were graduating and that scares me because I don't know where to go, I don't know what to do, and I'm just lost.

Between lying to my parents, growing up, trying to find out where to go after high school. Its just too much thinking.

On top of all that, I should be doing my homework and everything but I'm an idiot with a small attention span who just be doing his work.

I hate myself. Why can't I just sit down and do my homework? Why can't I stop over thinking things? How is it I know what I'm doing wrong but I won't fix it?

I don't know how to pick a college, I don't know how to discipline myself, I don't know how to tell my parents I'm gay because I'm not ready to
1. Acknowledge it to them and
2. Telling them changes everything, literally. I'm mormon, so telling one person means telling 400 homophobic, judgemental mormons.
The church has always been my life growing up and I don't know what else I'm going to do when I move out.

I want a boyfriend, so I can get dating experience and have someone there to make everything feel better.
I want direction so I can be successful in college and life.
I want my parents to understand.
I want the church not to push me away.
I want to have better discipline.
I want to be a better person.
I want more time to be a kid.
I just want things to stop coming at me so fast because I'm not ready. I'm scared. And I really feel alone.