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Ladies and gentlemen, I have finished the seventh and final book in the Harry Potter series. And here, as promised is my mostly spoiler-free review for the entire series (I would also like to point out right now that it is a rarity for me to reread books. Even ones I like.).
For those of you who, due to bizarre circumstances no doubt, have been in mortal peril and had to cut themselves off from the rest of the world for the past ten years, and thus have been living in some unknown cave until recently and don’t know what the Harry Potter series is about, here is a description of the plot:
Harry Potter was a normal, if not a little short or underweight for his age, boy. He lived with his aunt and uncle and their horrible son Dudly as his parents had died in a car crash when he was a baby. Normal, that is, until the morning of his eleventh birthday he was visited by a man that gave him a strange letter saying that he was to attend Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry, for you see, Harry was a wizard. And not just any young wizard, Harry Potter was famous. His parent had not died in a car crash, but had been murdered by the greatest dark wizard of the century, Lord Voldemort. But when the Dark Lord tried to kill Harry, the curse failed, causing Voldemort to vanish and leaving Harry with nothing but a scar on his forehead that was shaped like a lightning bolt. And so Harry is celebrated throughout the wizarding world as the Boy Who Lived.
However, though ten years of silence and peace have passed since the fall of the Dark Lord, there are whispers that the Dark Lord is still alive, biding his time...
Harry Potter and the Philosopher’s Stone: Year One at Hogwarts
Times read: 3
Very charming read. The secret world of the Brittanic wizards is a lush, exciting place full of the strange, humorous, and fantastic while at the same time being warm and inviting. The characters, whether you love them, or love to hate them, are quirky and memorable. Of course the plot is just children’s fluff. Nothing much to think about, but enjoyable all the sa–what?...Wait a minute...Oh that’s right!...HOLY CRAP!!!!
Ok. I admit it. Book one knocked me for a loop with a plot twist so astounding, it seemed a bit off that this was a children’s novel. I started reading Harry Potter a while after book four came out because my mom wanted to get them for my nephew. I had heard about the craze on the news, but wasn’t expecting much. After-all, people once got into fist fights over Tickle-Me-Elmo, so I figured Harry Potter was just the new cute thing for kids. I certainly wasn’t expecting a full, complex mystery with subtle clues that seem so obvious after the climax mounts and the secrets are revealed.
5 out of 5-for managing to both charm and surprise me
Harry Potter and the Chamber of Secrets: Year Two at Hogwarts
Times read: 3
Something is rotten in the school of Hogwarts. The Chamber of Secrets has been opened and an ancient evil is loose harming the children of Muggle (non-magical people) parentage. And the prime suspect for this unspeakable act? Why, none other than Harry Potter himself.
Book two takes a deeper look into the magical world, introducing some dark secrets of Hogwarts and old prejudices over the so called “purity of the wizarding bloodline,” that will continue as a major plot point throughout the entire series. This and other major developments make this book one of the most important in the series. To be honest, I enjoyed it, but I didn’t fully appreciate it until I reread the entire series before book seven came out (My second reading of it was before the movie came out, so I could compare and contrast). But after further thought, I recognize it as a great book that takes a charming children’s story and starts its turn towards something more mature and meaningful. And yes, the climax will leave you saying “No way!”
5 out of 5
Harry Potter and the Prisoner of Azkaban: Year Three at Hogwarts
Times read: 7
There is an island in the middle of the sea that holds the wizard prison, Azkaban. a hellish place that houses some of the most evil of wizards. No one has ever escaped Azkaban. No one except the mad right-hand-man of the Dark Lord, Sirius Black. So what is his goal after twelve years of captivity? Kill Harry Potter, of course!
Harry is now thirteen and has started to accept that he is not going to be left alone. Book four is the pivotal point for the plot, but book three starts the maturation of Harry’s character. It also introduces two of my favorite characters. smile
I remember it being a bit difficult to find book three. I had to order it online actually. I read it within 24 hours and nearly lost my nephew in the process. Needless to say, this one was my favorite book for a long time. I’m not sure if it still is, but so far, the magic has yet to wear off. In fact, it just seems to get better the farther the series goes. I think I’ll read it again now that I read book seven to see if it gets better still. The plot probably has one of the wildest twists I’ve ever seen in a novel. And the ending leaves you begging for more. Now I know why there were riots at the premier of book four. Had I been there, I would have punched a few soccer moms myself.
8 out of 5-Yes, it’s that good.
Harry Potter and the Goblet of Fire: Year Four at Hogwarts
Times read: 3
Excitement mounts as Hogwarts holds the traditional event the Triwizard Tournament; an event where students from the three largest schools in Europe compete for gold and glory. But this innocent occasion takes a foul turn when someone enters Harry into the tournament, apparently intending to kill him. Meanwhile, Harry is troubled by horrible visions of Voldemort slowly regaining strength.
As I said before, this book is a pivotal point for the plot. Which is why it’s sad that it kind of bored me a bit. JK Rowling is good with humor. She’s good with intrigue. She’s good with atmosphere. She’s a master with emotion. But, sadly, her action sequences just aren’t as good as the rest of her storytelling. It wasn’t until the end that I actually stepped back and said “Wow...” The impressing part about this book is how you find yourself truly care about an extremely minor character. It also has the biggest cliffhanger of the series.
4 out of 5
Harry Potter and the Order of the Phoenix: Year Five at Hogwarts
Times read: 3
“Some say he’s barking, the wee Potter lad.
“Others feel sorry and say that he’s sad.
“But Peevsy knows better and says that he’s mad...”
The Dark Lord Voldemort has returned and the only resistance to him and his followers, the Death Eaters, is a small group of witches and wizards known as the Order of the Phoenix. Harry finds himself caught in the middle and having to cope with an unreliable government, propaganda, and the bizarre dreams of a dark corridor that haunt him every night.
This book is a really frustrating read the second time around. At first Harry seems a bit obnoxious because he’s angry about...well...everything. Not that he has no reason to be angry, but sometimes you really just want to smack him. Once again the action sequences fall short, but I found that I didn’t care so much as this book actually made me cry so hard I had to put it down and regain my composure.
From this point on, you’ll want to read through the books before deciding if your kids are old enough to continue this story. Things get very deep, very dark, and very political. Harry Potter is growing up and his world has no more room for ideologies.
5 out of 5
Harry Potter and the Half Blood Prince: Year Six at Hogwarts
Times read: 2
The war against Voldemort is not going well. If you thought the government was going to be a strong ally against Voldemort, you were sadly mistaken. Harry goes on journey through the memories of others in order to discover the man that is Voldemort and the key to his destruction. Along the way he receives unlikely tutelage from an old text book that was once owned by the mysterious, yet brilliant Half Blood Prince.
I did get a bit annoyed with this one simply for the fact that Harry and his classmates are now 16, and are therefore trying to dry hump everything in sight. Once again, I advise you to decide whether or not this is an appropriate book for younger children. It does get creepy. And lets not forget the fact that we find out that Voldemort will do anything to get what he wants, including taking trips down little-old-lady-lane if you catch my drift...
4 out of 5
Harry Potter and the Deathly Hollows: Year Seven
Times read: 1
The Ministry of Magic has fallen and Voldemort is now in control. Harry embarks on a blind quest with only a handful of clues and the support of his friends. All the roads converge as Harry faces his destiny.
(As a note: Please, PLEASE take care in deciding whether or not you want your children to read this story! Between references to Merlin’s saggy left nut and allusions to bestial rape, there’s also racial cleansing and Voldemort calling Harry’s mom a good ride.)
This is it. The end of an era. From this point on the phenomenon that is Harry Potter will die down, take it’s seat next to Star Wars, and make room for the next big thing. I really don’t know what to think about this book. I think I’m gonna have to read it again before I truly decide. Some things were left unanswered, but I feel that they were minor enough not bother me that much. My roomie says that it bored her, but I didn’t get bored. However, that could be because I was just so excited to see how it was going to end. There are some plot points that sort of fly in from left field and leave you blinking and scratching your head. (But I do admit that the girl side of me loves Snape’s past. biggrin ) On the whole, it kept me reading, it kept me intrigued, and like every other book in the series, it made an a** of me, which is actually all that really matters.
5 out of 5
Overall score 36 out of 35. In other words, can the movies and read the damn books you slacker!
No one ever gets my cosplays.
[img:d3d007007d]http://i2.photobucket.com/albums/y30/bcfire/funny.jpg[/img:d3d007007d]
 PsychoBunnyFire · Wed Jul 25, 2007 @ 06:34am · 0 Comments |
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I have come to the conclusion that I have masochistic tendencies. What has brought me to such a startling conclusion? Well it all started yesterday when I went to Wal-Mart to pick up a printer cord for my mom. I stopped by the children's books, because that's what I always do, and that is when I saw it. My room mate says she told me about it a long time ago, but I completely forgot about it, so when I saw it myself I actually had a double-take. "No way. No one could be that lame." I thought. So I picked up the offending book and sure enough, they were.
Vampirates. That's right. Vampire Pirates. Now, a rational person would have looked, laughed, and moved on. But like I said, I'm masochistic. I bought it. Read it. And almost horffed. It's bad. Really bad. It's so bad, I'm laughing. It's like watching the X movie. You don't actually enjoy the piece of crap, you just like to make fun of it.
The Plot:
Just because I'm sure you're just dying to know....
Twin siblings Connor and Grace Tempest lived with their father in a small port village in Australia until their father tragically died when they were 14. Ever since they were little their dad would sing them an old shanty about a very special pirate ship. Wanna hear it? Sure ya do!
"I'll tell you a tale of Vampirates,
A tale as old as true.
Yea, I'll sing you a song of an ancient ship,
And it's mighty fearsome crew.
Yea, I'll sing you a song of an ancient ship
That sails the ocean blue...
That haunts the ocean blue."
Ok that's enough of that. The shanty is four verses long and each verse is more annoying than the last. But will they let you forget the song? NO! They sing it over and over and over again! It's the most ridiculous thing ever and it doesn't even rhyme!
Anywho, the bank decided to help the struggling twins by foreclosing on everything that their father owned (at least that's realistic). But before their forced to either go to the orphanage or be taken in by a nice, rich, old couple, they stole their dad's ship and tried to run away. I mean seriously! If nice people with money wanted to take me in, that's totally what I'd do...
Well they got caught in a storm and the boat sank. Connor was fished out of the ocean by the first mate of a pirate ship called The Diablo... Ok, does that bother anyone else, cause it really bothers me. The Diablo. They aren't even Spanish pirates! The first mate is a Chinese girl who graduated top of her class from the Pirate Academy who fights with two katanas....Yeah....And aparently she loves the idea of piracy being turned into a bureaucracy....
Couple days pass, blah, blah, saves captain from assassins, blah, blah, sword fighting lessons, blah, blah, loot a ship, blah, blah Connor gains respect on the pirate ship while maintaining hope that Grace is still alive.
Meanwhile, Grace woke up on the deck of a very strange ship. She was rescued by a dashingly handsome Irish boy by the name or Lorcan Furey. For some odd reason, he wont let her look out the window of her cabin, much less actually leave it. Blah, blah, odd behavior, blah, blah, creepy captain, blah, blah, vampire pirates that don't actually pillage or plunder, just sort of sail around and do nothing, blah, blah, evil vampirate....you get the idea....
Eventually they're reunited. End of book. To be continued in ego-stroking sequel. (Yes a sequel comes out in June. There was an ad for it on the free bookmark that came with the book.)
It's really just....bleh....Not only does this guy not know ANYTHING about pirates, he doesn't even know anything about vampire lore.
Oh yes, did I mention that it takes place in the year 2505? Does the author play off of this? No. The kids lives before setting sail were like if they lived present day. Then they get on the ships and we're back in the 18th century. I'd accept that for the vampirate ship, but the regular pirate ship is exactly the same. Actually, the vampire ship is a little more realistic because everyone on it is dressed from whatever era they came from. A flood is mentioned, but never used to describe the world. It may as well just take place in the golden age of piracy.
As if the plot wasn't bad enough to condemn this book. The writing is bad. The language is bland. The story flow is just plain terrible. Everything is so forced. It's awful. I only finished it because once I got to the point where I couldn't take it anymore, I was half done. Well, I got that far. May as well not waste my five bucks. That, and I really wanted to write this. smile
Let's say I'm being too critical. Let's say this thing is actually supposed to be a comedy. The plot sounds like it should be a comedy. There's even a bar wench called Sugar Pie. Well, I'm sorry but this guy just is not Douglas Adams. He can't be completely serious and perfectly hilarious at the same time. It's too serious to be a comedy. I can't even crack jokes at it! It's so lame it speaks for itself!
Maybe your kids would like it, but why put yourself through the trauma of having to read it to them? Why not just read Peter Pan? It's fun and interesting and loved by everyone! Perfect pirate novel!
I give Vampirates .5 bottles of grog out of 5.
PsychoBunnyFire · Fri Apr 20, 2007 @ 04:40am · 0 Comments |
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