Why is it that when you get past that rough patch and you get to the place where you go "i can be happy like this" something huge has to come in and wreck it and the cycle starts again?
It royally sucks. Why can't things just settle down for God's sake (or rather mine). I can't take much more of this. Why does he have to always bring up the things that drive us apart, the one thing that i can't deal with?
Why does he keep putting me through this roller coaster? If i wanted someone in the military i would have dated someone in uniform. I wouldn't have dated a computer geek who wanted to spend all day in the office then come home... safe to me.
It wasn't like he's never mentioned considering it in the past but i didn't think it was something still in the present. Then his friend joined and now he thinks he wants to. He goes all into it then asks me what i would do if he did.
So told him what i would do. I said i would at least need alot of time to think about it on my own (ie take a break from each other) but i wasn't going to tell him what i thought might really happen; that i would leave.
All he had to do was mention it in a serious manner and my whole body got cold, and shaky and i started crying. I thought i had made it perfectly clear how i felt on the matter.
After talking he sounds to have gone quiet about it again but i don't want this to be someone constantly on his mind, something constantly between us, something that i just want to forget about and that he'll keep bringing up for years to come.
I just don't know what to do anymore... We're back on another roller coaster ride again. I just want to get married and start my life with him and everything just goes so wrong. It makes me doubt if we really belong together sometimes.
 WordsWillCome · Wed Dec 23, 2009 @ 08:34am · 1 Comments |
