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The Book of completely useless and possibly offensive material |
My journal is basically a bunch of stories that came out of my head late one night while I was trying to make a decent roleplay. THe chapters may be out of order, and the stories might not match the one previously updated, but alas..
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Mrs. Ringo Starr
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Posted: Fri Jan 12, 2007 @ 07:21am
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Chapter Three: This isn't a harem...it's a CULT!
News had since ceased to emit from the harem as the haremites were content with their plans to finally enact the number one ceremony for Gino.
A Mass wedding.
New Years rolled around, and Vino (whose roots had begun to grow out reasonably, considering the lack of decent priced hair colorant) was beginning to grow increasingly concerned about the drying mistletoe hanging about, bouquets, and the alarmingly rate of white clothing purchases--more specifically the white prom dress that that ditz Sasha claimed was multi-purpose.
"Say...lovelies, what is going on here?" Vino asked one particular afternoon as several men of Gino carried him from room to room in a rather ornate pram. The guys of Gino were annoyed, naturally. He didn't know? He didn't know that he would be the first Gaian major player to be not only a polygamist, but also a full fledged bisexual husband?!
Absurd!
A fresh faced girl with lolita curls hanging about her shoulders giggled mischeviously when she heard Vino's curious question.
"Why Gino-sama! Did you not know? It's time! Miss Momo has been waiting a long time, and Miss Momo is the age of consent in her state! Everything is legal! No red tape!"
This statement worried Vino. Age of consent? Legal matters? Lack of Red TAPE?!
A sudden flurry of fangirls, however, quickly dimished such thoughts as Vino became more focused on getting far away from a certain Zurg member of the harem who was welding a rather menacing looking Watermeat. (The Zurg santa, unfortuanately, did not purchase enough cotton fluff, so he substituted this particular plushie with herring.)
"Um. Right. Well, hey! What do you know! I actually forgot something...back at the mansion. I was supposed to....er...recycle cans from ...Christ....lemme go"
"NO! GINO! WE LOVE YOU! You belong to US now..."
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Posted: Mon Dec 11, 2006 @ 03:58am
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Chapter Two: Blonde Hair and Darkened Roots
Christmas morning arrived, and the first two out of their beds fumbled downstairs to have a look at the tree. Of course, they weren't so concerned about the presents they were recieving from the other lovelies at the harem, no, they were anxious about opening the large, and overly decorated wooden crate.
"What do you think is inside?" asked a particularly new member to the harem.
"I don't know. Maybe we can open it. It is Christmas day after all" the other replied giddily.
Inside the crate, Vino was growing quite anxious himself. He had been in that box for quite a while, and aside from the somewhat toxic fumes that came from dying his hair, he really needed to use the bathroom--quite urgently in fact.
So the lad did the only thing he knew how to, he pounded on the wooden crate until the banging was heard by the others outside of the box.
It soon became apparent that the other harem members were awakened by the pounding, and the ever so elegant Miss Rychi quickly took a crowbow in her hands and broke open the crate, revealing a scantily clad...
"GINO!"
In that instant, a swarm became of the harem girls (and guys), as they tried to rip away at whatever clothes the poor Gino impersonator had on. However, the one known as Bob Dobbs quickly brought two fingers to his lips and whistled loudly--causing several Red Bino cans to bend under the sound.
"He's not Gino...he has dark roots. Can't you tell? That, and he actually has some muscle to him. Not to mention--"
However, his words were quickly cut off as the remainder of the harem threw obsceneties and bouquets his way. It was completely known that he favored that Ian fellow, anyway.
"Erm...right then. I'm Gino. Gino Gambino, and I was sent here-'' Vino began, hoping for a small speech then to disappear. He had his own Christmas to attend to, anyway.
"And you were sent here"
"To finally take part"
"Of your ever so loyal"
"Harem!"
Giggled erupted as the most eager of the harem members finished Vino's sentence, though it wasn't quite what he had in mind.
Wait, Gino actually has a harem? As in an unofficial guild that's willing to do anything for him? Why don't I have one?!thought Vino as a smirk began to play across his flawless face.
"Exactly. So ladies.."
The gentlemen in the crowd cleared their throats loudly and glared at Vino with the look 'ZOMG ur racii5t' upon their face, causing Vino to start over.
"Ladies and gentlemen. So, what shall we do first? Rub my feet, rub my back, feed me grapes from the stem like in roman times?"
A simultanious cofused aura settled into the main room of the harem household as members began to talk with one another, trying to figure out what was going on.
Gino was their christmas present. Their Toy, Their gift for not bashing all the Gino hating threads.
Wasn't he the one supposed to offer massages to them?!
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Mrs. Ringo Starr
Community Member
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Mrs. Ringo Starr
Community Member
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Posted: Sat Dec 09, 2006 @ 09:05am
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Chapter One: What Gino is this?!
Christmas Eve rolled around soon enough, and everyone at the local Harem house busied themselves decorating the headquarters for the festive holiday. Rumor had spread that Rychi had went to the big man in red, asking for the G man himself, and hope fueled the energtic ferver that completed the mudane dask of tinseling the tree in ten minutes flat.
"Do you think Santa will actually bring him? I mean, we've been asking since 2000 something, and not once did he ever come" mentioned a particularly sweaty man sporting a very peculiar wet thong.
"I don't know. Maybe. It would be nice, then I could give my blow up doll a break" surmised another Haremite as she chewed lazily at an old tin can, occasionally taking a break to spit out blood that came from the cuts she, without doubt, recieved from the rusted metal.
"Ew. How can you eat those things?"
"I don't know honestly. I just like the sound"
"And pain"
"Yeah. That too."
The two, however, were quickly interrupted, as several other members of the harem congregated in the main room as they admired the handy work of all the members.
"ooh" "aah" "It's okay"
Just then, as the fire roared in the background, knocking was heard at the front door. Rychi, who had been snuggled up in a corner reading a conspiracy theory on the Zurg alien invasion, rose and went to answer the door.
"Hello! And Merry Christmas! How is everything for the lot of you?"
"Fine, I guess. Is there something I can help you with?"
"Oh no. Just a package for :Gino's Harem and Guys for Gino?"
Silence.
Within seconds, the hundreds of faces that filled the various rooms of the headquarters building swarmed towards the door and produced an unison sound.
"Yes?!"
"Just sign here please. But be careful, what ever is in that thing, is alive." The postman said cautiously as he took back his pen and whistled in a couple of helpers to bring in an extremely tall wooden crate.
"What do you think is inside?"
"I don't know..."
"We should open it!"
"Yeah! Let's open it!"
Rychi, whistled quite loudly and quickly gathered the attention of all her fellow members.
"We're not opening it until Christmas morning. Like the rest of our presents. Besides, whatever it is, it's prolly tranquilized..."
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Posted: Fri Dec 08, 2006 @ 08:18pm
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A Very Gino Christmas -Written for the lovelies at the harem
"...And I want a pony, and a lightsaber, and a mochi, and a Gwee, and a super delux carnation bouquet, and a kiki, but not a coco. Coco's are mean, and a blanket, and a dress, and a new fishing pole for my brother Squib" rambled a young Gaian as she sat on Santa's lap.
Santa in turn, smiled, posed the girl quickly for a picture, handed the Gaian a lolli-pop, and booted her off his knee for the next gullible person. She was an older girl, not the inevitable tween age of the predecessors, and her blue dress swished gently as she walked towards the aging elf.
"I want Gino" She said quickly and with much assertion.
"Gino? As in Gino Gambino?" Santa replied with skepticism.
"That's the one. But I'm not picky, I could have a generic version. But the rest of 'em want the real thing, so if I get Gino for Christmas....there won't be all sorts of blood shed and vandalism on Isle De Gambino because we would already have what we wanted."
With that final statement, the mystery stalker of Gaia's wealthiest heir hopped off St. Nick's lap and began humming the overplayed, slightly abused, "Peace on Earth" tune you would find playing cheesily through someone's profile.
Santa furrowed his brow as the girl walked away (and joined a couple hundred followers) He turned to his elf-helper (Helper as in ever since the Elf Techs of yesteryear, Gaian protocol required at least one Gaian to help out with appearances) and rolled his eyes. "Well, Vino...how do you feel about having blonde hair?"
"No. No. No. No. I would rather have a thousand old tin cans cutting at me than to play the part of the emo kid"
Santa burst into a fit of laughter as Vino stood there perplexed. It was true, wasn't it? With Gino Gambino moping about all the time, not being able to get the girl unless he was some sort of flamboyant alterego, and being fused to his father up until recently, wasn't that the epitome of 'e m o'?
"I wouldn't be calling Mr. Gino emo just yet, my boy. He isn't the one with night black hair-"
"It's Natural"
"Whatever you say"
"I say it's Natural"
To Be C o n t i n u e d ...
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Mrs. Ringo Starr
Community Member
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