Welcome to Gaia! :: View User's Journal | Gaia Journals

Haha... from the lethargy of working and stuff, I'm finally towards the end of my stint here. I'm very glad everything is coming to an end, so I can start classes again and get on with my life. scream Hopefully that would include more of Gaia, but seriously I have no more direction in which imma supposed to head for in Gaia, especially with this sucky new layout.

Gaia, you're so strange to me now... crying

Uranus square Uranus: On a pivot

Mid April 2005 until mid December 2006: The first time this influence occurs it signifies that you are no longer an adolescent and must take your position as an adult. It signifies rebellion against established standards, which is the reason so many young people go through a period of rejecting everything that they have been taught. It is necessary for you to experience your own individuality by asserting it against someone else's. There is nothing wrong in this, and the constant challenges of youth help keep society alive. It also helps you, because you need to be on your own and find your own ways of doing things, unhampered by the ways of the past, which may no longer be appropriate.

Even if you do not go through an especially rebellious phase, this will still be a time of intense and rapid change, when you go out into the world and pursue your own goals without the comfort and security of doing what your elders tell you. Doing what you are told may not always have been pleasant, but it did allow you to avoid responsibility, which you will have to take on now.

Saturn square Saturn: Soul-searching

End of September 2005 until beginning of July 2006: This is a critical period in which several aspects of your life and experience will be tested, especially those that began to be important about seven years ago. Most often this influence is experienced as a sort of identity crisis in which you begin to question what you are doing. You may suffer a crisis of confidence at this time, fearing that you have made the wrong moves in life or committed yourself to some course of action that will not be good in the long run. During this period you will think about and question all the long-term trends in your life. You will not be thinking about trivial matters.

Sometimes a particular event triggers off this period of soul-searching. Others may create difficulties for you, especially in your business or professional area. Perhaps they detect the first signs of insecurity that will afflict you during this period. If they are people who naturally compete with you, they may try to take advantage of your apparent weakness. Employers and other superiors may also sense your feelings of insecurity and wonder whether you are the right person for the job you are doing.

You must recognize that some aspects of your life need to be questioned at this time. But don't stand in one spot quivering about your life. Examine it and make whatever changes are possible and seem appropriate. Any project you started seven years ago or any new aspect of yourself that first surfaced then that is truly worth continuing will still be worthwhile after this period. This is a time of testing, and anything that withstands the test will be better for it. Things that do not pass the test are well got rid of. Shortly you will enter a period of stability and fruitfulness that will justify the events that take place now. In fact, if you are truly conscious of your life and your objectives, you will not undergo a real crisis at all. You will only go through a period of examining what is working and what is not. Your difficulties with the outer world at this time are signals about what you should be doing.


Jupiter conjunction Saturn: A new freedom

Beginning of December 2005 until beginning of August 2006: During this time you will confront your own inhibitions and self-restrictions, as well as the restrictions placed upon you by circumstances. You may wish to break free of them in order to enlarge your scope of activity, so you can go places and do things that you have never been able to do before. On the other hand, you may choose to grow within the structure of restriction in your life, using that very structure to enlarge your life. It can go either way, depending very much upon your temperament. And neither way is better as a general rule. It depends entirely on what is appropriate in terms of your own life.

If you respond by trying to break free, you will begin to feel very restless. Events and circumstances will make it clear that you have neglected much that must be done, and the structures of your life that have held you back will seem intolerable. You can no longer accept barriers such as responsibilities that you have put up with for years, onerous duties or perhaps a built-in fear of breaking away from the established order. Consequently, if you react in this way, this is often a time of breaking away and leaping out into a new freedom. This is often accompanied by a change of job or residence or the breakup of relationships. And however catastrophic these changes seem to others, they are usually quite fortunate and allow everything to work out for the best.

If you respond in the second manner, you will also seek to expand your life and find new freedom, but for a variety of reasons you will not overthrow the structures of your life in order to do so. Instead you will seize every opportunity to build new structures and expand the already existing order. For example, if you are in business, you might use this time to expand in a careful and cautious way. You will not overextend yourself, and whatever you build up now, either in yourself or in the outer world, will be lasting.

Pluto conjunction IC: Dramatic changes

End of December 2005 until mid October 2007: This is a time of great change in your personal and family life and a time of great inner psychological change. The effects of this influence can vary greatly, but it is always a very important one.

On the psychological level, you may encounter certain psychological effects from your past - your childhood and early home life, your relationship with your parents, your hometown or even something from the more distant past of your family or heredity. Psychologists know that the experiences of early life have a strong conditioning affect upon adult behavior, and it is essential to understand the psychological mechanisms created by this experience in order to free yourself from neurotic problems that arise in adulthood. During this period you can gain such understanding, because the forces within you are much more powerful and near the surface, where they can be observed in action.

On a less profound level, this influence can signify that your personal life will go through great changes as certain things pass away and new things come into existence. Obviously this happens all the time, but the changes are much more dramatic now. There may be great changes within your family, such as divorce, death, a major change of residence or the need for major repairs on a building, to name a few of the changes signified by this influence. The main point is that at some level your personal and domestic life needs to be overhauled so that it can be reconstructed along new lines. Often you need to be liberated from the past, not only at the psychological level but in your everyday practical life as well. This is the time to build a new order in your personal life. However, people often attempt to resist such change, with unpleasant results. The energies merely build up to such a point that they are released through a dramatic or unfortunate incident, such as the breakup of a marriage, sudden damage to property or the like. And resisting the energies of change is a waste of an opportunity to totally regenerate your life from its very roots.

Jupiter conjunction Mars: An exuberant time

End of December 2005 until mid September 2006: This is a very exuberant time, with high energies. You feel physically strong and fit, and you are more willing to be active and take chances than at other times. Vigorous physical activity is one of the best ways to use this energy, which strengthens your body and allows you to accomplish more than usual. This is quite a common influence when women give birth, for that is a kind of physical action that it seems to favor especially. However, in itself this influence does not indicate pregnancy.

Almost anything that you direct your energies to, especially an activity that requires a lot of energy, will seem to flow and happen as if you were not making any effort at all. It is important to realize, however, that you are in fact working quite hard; after this period, and even during it to some extent, you will need to stop a while and rest. One of the problems at this time is that because you don't realize how hard your body and mind are working, there is a real danger that you will overwork yourself. Certainly, if you are not in excellent physical condition you should not take up heavy physical work without preparing for it, but that is just what you might do with this influence.

This is a good time to begin a new project, as long as you don't overextend yourself. You have much more initiative than usual, and you can accomplish a great deal by yourself. Working with others may be frustrating, because it is hard for you to put up with their slower pace.

Often this influence is expressed through doing something that requires a magnificent sense of timing or planning. Or you will do something that works out very well for you in the long run. Even if it doesn't require great energy, it will pay great dividends in the future.


Jupiter trine Sun: A sense of humor

End of January 2006 until end of September 2006: This is such a pleasant influence that you may be inclined to sit back, enjoy it and do nothing. However, this is really a very important time in your life because you can reach out into new areas of life and have new and rewarding experiences. Your creative potential is enormous at this time, and you can very easily accomplish a great deal that would be difficult at other times. Your inner energies are strong, and you are full of self-confidence and the feeling that you can do anything.

This influence usually indicates good health and a feeling of well-being, although you may be inclined to put on weight if you are not careful. You may not feel inclined toward physical activity, but it would be a good idea to get some exercise. Make a particular effort to be outdoors. Hiking is a very beneficial activity at this time.

If you are inclined to physical activity, especially athletics, don't take foolish risks through overconfidence. This influence tends to make you overestimate your energies.

This is an excellent time for all financial matters. You will feel like making your surroundings appear more elegant, and you may spend quite a lot of money doing so. This is perfectly fine, and you should think positively in all ways, but don't let this concern with material acquisition blind you to some very real possibilities for inner growth.

Travel, either physically or mentally, often accompanies this influence. Take this time to broaden your understanding of the world around you. You have a strong interest in ideas that are different from what you normally know and encounter, and you are much more tolerant of different ways of living. Even people's usually irritating traits do not bother you at this time. Also your sense of humor is much greater than usual, and you can appreciate the dance of life in all its glory.

OMGZ!!! OMGZ!!! OMGZ!!!
Kate Bush!!! Kate Bush!!!
*wets his pants out of sheer ecstacy* X333

Check this out

Well, I just got back from some R&R in Genting where I was the head cook/maid/mother hen for the band, studied a little and took a little tour of the casino... It was really relaxing, but then Jun Hee has to spoil everything by being an a**. Long story, if I ever get to podcasting/type the whole story you'll know how stupid, lazy, troublesome, uncooperative and irresponsible idiot he is... D=< But the R&R aside, I'm going to start studying and pray that I pass all my subjects this semester... I can't afford another fail coz that would mean I'll need to do another semester to cope with the extra loads.

Though I'm in the midst of exams and stuff, I've set up the small shrine for Drubwang Rinpoche so as to keep myself in check. I notice that there is a need to keep my desires and character in general in check. His presence reminds me the need to look within for spiritual insight and growth instead of attaching myself to superficial items, including Yoon. I'm still struggling to keep him out of my mind so as to not stir the negative thoughts I tend to have. I'm still working on it...

I'll be so glad when the exams are over on Tuesday. I've been bashing myself for some time now as I sorta let myself slip into lethargy half-way through the semester. This sort of thing happens when you yield to your desires and let the monkey mind free... The fickle-ness and tendency to conform to idleness is the thing that makes me the academic slob I am. I'm thankful I still have my industrial contacts and constant exposure to the industry, without which I'll just end up being a failed biotech student with a worthless degree who is doomed to spend the rest of his humdrum life in the dark, dusty confines of uni/high school labs washing test-tubes. ><

Enough of myself... on to the exams... crying
----------------------------------------------------------
Drinking: Coke
Listening to: Wandering Red Shoes, Vertigo, Colour Blind, Sleepless Flight - Faye Wong
X-post from LJ

Somehow while I was running through some pages I found myself witnessing a virtual catfight... = What was just generally some random gripe about a police raid turned ugly from corruption turned into a name-calling episode among bloggers of all stripes...

What depresses me is the level of intellect among Malaysian bloggers is generally low... in fact, most have no sense of humour and from what I've seen, they are too linguistically-challenged to understand the word "irony"... In fact, the blogger behind the initial post took offence to the irony, when it was obviously not directed at him, and started a flaming war... Geez... chill man... *headdesk*

The other thing about the flaming wars is the general rogue-like demeanour most Malaysian bloggers take... some even took some low and un-informed blows... I mean, how low can you go to accuse a victim of corruption as being a rich, pansy, mommy's boy who would not have cared for corruption before? In fact, one of them used the word "rich" as an insult and spat that out with venom like some dirty word... Is there a crime behind being born in a well-off family? I can still remember when I broke up with the Yoon, the word never even crossed my mind, even though he was born with a silver spoon... encrusted with huge-a** diamonds should I add...

All I can say is that I do not and would not have anything to do with these bloggers... damn they're a load of hot air... =/ In fact, I doubt I'd wanna have anything to do with someone on blogger...

----------------------------------------------------------
Drinking: Hot choc
Listening to: the album - Sade
Current mood: annoyed

I was crying last night. Somehow it has been a while since I've been this touched. We were at the recordind studio and we finished recording the Dandelion theme and was running through the complete version. Somehow, the melancholy and slight acrid tone of the song was just too much. We've been through so much as a group. So many upheavals and periods of unrest, not to mention uncertain times during which we were ostracised not only by the school we were supposedly winning awards for, but also by our peers from the choir as they viewed us as a competing force. Then there was also the odd rogue industry personality who did us some bad turns solely because we made him lose face during an incident instigated by certain factions in our school.

Somehow, going through so much, and finally finding our way into being recognised as something valuable to the lethargic music industry, I'm thankful. Just like the wisps of dandelion seeds that spread when hard times come and may just survive the harshest conditions, we're still living. We're getting better. We've matured. So much in fact... We've learnt through trials of fire that we can survive anything by sticking together strongly. Nothing can destroy what we believe in if we hold on to it strong enough and remember to cling together. I've learnt to trust and respect every single individual in the group, and basically would swear to protect them with my life. (though it may seem the opposite to most due to my extreme carelessness ^^;; wink But yes... I feel that the group is much more to me than any single one in my family can ever be... and I'm thankful...

I might post the unedited song as soon as I get it in my hands. Peace.

It's been a while... Musically and intellectually I find that somehow some form of lethargy has been gnawing at the edges of my being in such a manner that I find appalling... In fact, it has begun to run off into my assignments and literature. To be frank, I don't know what's with me. I'd feel much better lyiung around in bed wheedling my time away on... STUFF... No amount of rallying or cheering seems to be getting me up. Maybe I could just waste away while I let the world around me, the walls I've carefully constructed around me crumble along with the facades and forced mannerisms. What am I doing?

Somehow, I just feel a melancholy air around me, somehow I feel that my life is being eaten away by the books I've been devouring and the subjects that are to be structured into my education. However, I simply feel the need to live! As if I'm in te prime of my life, wasting away in some dark, depressing maniac intellectual prison. My mind is fettered by the need to work slavishly upon stuff that are dry enough to turn the wettest rainforests into deserts. I can hear my brain rotting... It is only when I dabble in MY music, MY writings that I feel alive... =

I've finally found the zest that sustained me through my period in Gaia previously. Somehow, along the way, Gaia just ended up being another burden, at least until lately. One thing was that I ended up having to talk down to some people, or just end up in the randomest conversations that I wouldn't even inflict on my worstest enemies. look at my LJ if you wanna see a sample of a scary convo... ^^;;; *headdesk*

Finally, I've found a forum in which I feel like I belong, and can be part of - the Science and Tech forums. I used to haunt the classical music forums, but then the guild experts are just too much for the poor ole me... X______x I mean, how do you talk to someone who goes on and on about how Argerich is a bad pianist because she never focuses on the themes and then disses you for being shallow? o.o I mean, though I love classical music, I don't generally analyse the music I listen to unless I mean to... hence, I don't give a toss to whether Argerich knows the themes or whether she should emphasise them... Art is expression, and who gives two flying f*cks to whether the themes are fully expressed as long as the performance is palatable? Argerich is a very talented artist, and basically I'd say her performance was brilliant (though less stellar compared to the greats like Horowitz and Rach himself) ugh... I'm just tired of these things...

But the fact that I do not need to keep up facades anymore and be nice to people I don't like is liberating.. Science is my very own field... so basically I'd have enough knowledge to share and chat about with fervour... also, the people in the forums are more congenial and basically we have fun just trying to wrangle each other's views...

I'm happy =3
----------------------------------------------
Current mood: Concrete Sea
Drinking: Ceylon
Listening to: You Are the Reason, the album - Chyi