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Really bad day.

First were all the reprecussions of what happened yesterday;
all the blasted remarks from the dumbasses and smartasses in my class;
My damned knee was constantly being hit by desks, chairs, and tables;
I discovered a cut on my elbow because of my big fall yesterday;
AND security is looking at me funny now.

Second, Jana was in a foul mood, I suspect, all today. She just didn't show it til later. First there was her walking into band moody, angry, and distant. I admit that the crying was MY doing, but what was I supposed to do? I'm weak! My wall of NOT crying has been breached for a while now. Then I beat myself up for it. I smacked myself, cursed myself, called myself unworthy of her, BLAHBLAHBLAH. Then out of habit, I began hyperventalating on her, which sorta... scared her I guess... I think I made her put on a fake face... I make her put on a fake face just so I won't cry... I... I'm horrible...

Then there was the walking home thing... giving her some space wasn't too hard... but watching her punch the street pole just gave me a little scare... walking home, I dragged her into the alley and tried being some consolation. She wouldn't look at me, and I hugged her and told her that I'm afraid for her... then I lost it. She told me, "You should be afraid of me." I asked her why, and she said... "Because Britt was." She tried walking away and I grabbed her, turned her to me violently, and said, "I'm.. NOT.. ********.. HER..!" Then she grabbed me, shook me a little, and said, "I KNOW YOU'RE NOT!" Upset, I said "Then WHY do you keep comparing me to her?! Why?!" We ended up on the ground, and all I could do was cry... then I realized crying wouldn't prove anything other than that I don't know how to handle things. So, I went to her, put my arm around her and tried comforting her once more.

I swear things will not end up the way it did before with her.
My mom, sister... we're nothing like their family. We don't hate you.
She probably didn't love you... that, already, proves that her and I are completely different. She didn't love you; I do.
Me nosing into your business is just a way I try to understand you, so I can help you.
I don't just try to help you because you need it;
I try to help you because I WANT to help you. I'm trying to prove I love you.
I really do love you. I won't lie to you if I don't love you anymore.
Even if we fall out, I will always be there listening to you.
I won't air you out.
I'll listen.
You become re-obssessed with "it", so will I.
I don't care what you say; we're in this together.
I love you.
I love you, Jana.
I love you, Jana Kanoelehua Moore.
LET ME HELP YOU.